11 Phrases A Husband Says To His Wife When He Doesn’t Respect Her At All

When a husband truly values his wife, he'll speak to her with respect and communicate with kindness instead of getting easily frustrated and upset at her, even in moments of conflict. Considering respect is such a crucial foundation for any type of relationship, and especially a marriage, it's important that both partners feel valued and heard in any situation or interaction.

When respect is missing, a husband's words can become dismissive, belittling, and downright hurtful, and if that's the case, it can slowly start to chip away at the connection until there's nothing left between a couple but animosity.

Here are 11 phrases a husband says to his wife when he doesn't respect her at all

1. 'You're overreacting, as always'

man who thinks his wife is overreacting Juanmonino from Getty Images Signature via Canva

If your husband uses this phrase against you in a moment of conflict or when you're trying to express your emotions after being hurt, he's attempting to dismiss and invalidate you. This is a sign that there's no respect for you on his end.

In a healthy relationship, your partner should want to hear you out and remedy any situation where you may feel as if you've been disrespected and devalued instead of doing the complete opposite. Amy Lewis Bear, a psychotherapist, explained that emotional invalidation "upsets the power balance in a relationship and leads to uncertainty and self-reproach."

"You may think that to stay in the relationship, you must swallow any feelings that are not acceptable to your partner," she said. "Disregarding your feelings leads to disconnection from your authentic self."

2. 'I don't need your opinion on this'

husband who doesn't want his wife's opinion Elitsa Deykova via Canva

Even if he doesn't necessarily agree with your opinion, your husband shouldn't make you feel disrespected for offering it in the first place. There are more polite and kinder ways to tell someone that while you appreciate what they're saying, you don't think it applies to the situation you're in. Using this phrase shows that a husband is completely uninterested in his wife's point of view.

The team at BetterHelp pointed out that being ignored by your partner obviously doesn't feel good, and in most cases, "opening a conversation about communication and expectations can be helpful."

"It can be helpful to discuss what each of you feels are reasonable lengths of time in which to expect a response. Be sure to allow your partner to explain their reasoning, and don't automatically assume that because you have different ideas about communication, they don’t care about you."

Even after you've communicated your needs and he still refuses to be kinder about your opinions, it might be a sign your husband doesn't hold that much respect for you, which is a sobering realization.

3. 'You're lucky I even put up with you'

man telling his wife she's lucky he puts up with her RDNE Stock project from Pexels via Canva

When a husband uses this phrase against his wife, it shows that not only does he not think highly of her, but that he thinks she's become more of a burden than someone that he loves and wants to spend his life with. There's clearly a lack of respect in a marriage if this phrase is being used, and a husband saying this in the first place means he wants his wife to feel as if she should be grateful to be with him, no matter how she's being treated.

Barbara Field, an advocate for women's issues, explained that a valid feeling to want in a relationship is feeling appreciated.

"That’s a valid and reasonable expectation. You want to feel that in any circumstance, your partner has your back. When your partner ignores your needs and doesn’t give you the respect you deserve, you want to question if you’re in an unhealthy relationship."

4. 'Why can't you be more like...'

woman whose husband asked her why she can't be more like someone else mimagephotography | Shutterstock

If a husband is using this phrase against his wife, he's attempting to compare her to other people in his life instead of realizing that she's her own individual with her own thoughts and feelings. It's a deeply hurtful and disrespectful remark to use against someone, especially a person that you're supposed to be in a lifelong commitment with.

Comparing your significant other to others diminishes their sense of worth and makes them feel as if they aren't good enough. Research from 2021 found that being "upwardly" compared by a partner can cause an individual to feel negatively toward themselves and less satisfied with their relationship.

"Let [your partner] know how it makes you feel and that you need them to stop comparing you to others," Megan Haase, a licensed mental health counselor in Seattle, explained to Psych Central. "For example, 'I feel hurt and unloved when you compare me to Clara, and I need you to stop doing that.'"

5. 'That's a stupid idea'

man telling his wife her idea is stupid Budgeron Bach via Canva

Not only is this a degrading and awful remark to use against someone, but by doing so, rather than engaging with his wife's suggestion and hearing her out, a husband is being completely belittling. There are respectful phrases you can use when you disagree with someone's opinion, but outright calling an idea "stupid" makes someone feel quite small and unappreciated.

Susan Krauss Whitbourne, Ph.D., ABPP, a professor of psychology, explained that when people go out of their way to make you feel inadequate, "the question becomes whether it’s you or them."

"Just because one person leads you to question yourself doesn’t mean that you’re inadequate. There may also be times when you’re particularly vulnerable. Recognize that people’s feelings of security can vary over time, and this will help you reduce the distress that one given individual can cause."

6. 'You're too sensitive'

woman whose husband told her she's too sensitive voronaman | Shutterstock

When a husband tells his wife that she's being "too sensitive," he's attempting to undermine her feelings and imply that her emotions are too much and that she has no right to react in the way that she is. Instead of taking accountability and admitting that you may have hurt your wife's feelings, using this phrase attempts to shift the blame onto her.

"Be compassionate and supportive without the need to change their reaction. When your partner calms down and, hopefully, realizes they are reacting more strongly than the situation called for, plan together how you can use a different communication style in the future to share how you think and feel that will not trigger them," noted Randi Gunther, Ph.D., a clinical psychologist and marriage counselor.

7. 'Nobody else would put up with you'

man telling his wife nobody else would put up with her Dragana Gordic | Shutterstock

When a husband uses this phrase against his wife, it's the highest form of disrespect and manipulation because it's designed to make her feel unworthy and invalidated. Using this phrase implies that she's being difficult and problematic and that she's somehow "lucky" to be with her husband.

Frankly, something like this isn't true as well, because if one person won't do something for you, someone else surely will.

If a husband uses this phrase, he's trying to put doubts in his wife's mind that she won't ever be treated any better than she is in her current marriage. In a healthy relationship, your partner will always do their best to make sure you feel special because they're thankful and lucky to be with you, not the other way around.

8. 'I make the money, so I make the rules'

woman whose husband told her he makes the money and the rules stockfour | Shutterstock

When a husband uses his financial status as the family's main provider against his wife, it's not only a form of disrespect, but it borders on financial abuse. In a marriage, a husband should not be holding money over his wife's head as a way to justify his actions and implement rules.

Instead of viewing the marriage as an equal partnership, he's clearly stating that his authority is law and his wife doesn't have any room to speak up and use her voice. Not only is this unhealthy and disrespectful, but it's also a serious sign that a relationship is incredibly toxic.

9. 'You should try harder to make me happy'

woman whose husband told her she should try harder to make him happy DIProduction | Shutterstock

When a husband uses this phrase against his wife, he's putting all of the emotional validation and responsibility onto her instead of doing his best to make sure that she's happy. If she's hearing this phrase, there's a good chance she's not satisfied in her marriage and her husband is refusing to change anything about his behavior.

This phrase ends up creating an unrealistic power imbalance where she feels the need to constantly show up and make her husband happy, when in reality, the dynamic of marriage should be both people doing their best to make sure their partner feels loved and cared for.

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10. 'I don't need to respect you, respect is earned'

man telling his wife respect is earned Srdjan Randjelovic | Shutterstock

Respect in any relationship, especially a marriage, should never be transactional or conditional. Your partner should never feel as if they have to do certain things or act a certain way just to get a sliver of respect from their significant other.

A husband using this phase implies that his wife should bend over backward for his respect just because she's not entitled to it from the fact that she's committed to him. In a healthy relationship, neither person should ever feel as if they need to "earn" their partner's respect because it should just be a given. If not, then you're not with the person you should be with.

11. 'Just shut up already'

man telling his wife to shut up whyframe / Shutterstock

Not only is this a deeply disrespectful remark to make to someone, especially your wife, but it shuts down moments where healthy conversations can happen. Telling someone to "shut up" only makes them feel as if you truly don't care about what they have to say, and even if you disagree or don't think what they're saying applies to you, the least you can do is continue to hear them out and then proceed from there.

But telling your wife that she shouldn't be talking or implying that what she's saying has no value is incredibly hurtful and can make her feel as if she has no room to speak up in the relationship.

Nia Tipton is a staff writer with a bachelor's degree in creative writing and journalism who covers news and lifestyle topics that focus on psychology, relationships, and the human experience.