How To Tell If Someone Is Suffering From Post-Relationship Stress Disorder: 9 Unmistakable Signs
The trauma of a broken heart is real, and is so post-relationship stress disorder.
YuriArcurs | Canva It was a text message that first made me realize I might be suffering from some sort of Post-Relationship Stress Disorder. The message that triggered me ironically didn’t come from my emotionally abusive ex, but from a man who seemed utterly lovely. What was more perplexing, was, his text wasn’t even unkind … in fact, it was sweet.
“I’ve been thinking about you today … I hope that’s okay.”
Here was a guy being a perfect gentleman — we had loads in common, and I was freaking out because he was, what — nice? I was confused, but my shrink wasn’t. “That’s understandable,” she said. “What you’re essentially going through is a form of PTSD. A sort of ‘emotionally battered wife’ syndrome.” So, like Post-Relationship Stress Disorder (PRSD)? Yes.
My therapist explained that people who’ve lived with emotional abuse experience trauma daily. It may not be to the horrific one-off extent that we usually associate with PTSD sufferers, but sustained exposure to trauma can do a similar amount of damage.
Here are the signs someone is suffering from Post-Relationship Stress Disorder:
1. You’re slow to trust and are constantly suspicious
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This was my problem with my latest date. Here was a man saying lovely things to me and my body went into full-blown panic mode. Why?
Because I didn’t believe him. Being untrusting of people’s kindness is a pretty big red flag that you’re reacting to some baggage from your past. I couldn’t accept a compliment without going into fight or flight mode to protect myself before the emotional manipulation started.
Did you experience cheating, emotional abuse, financial abuse, physical abuse, chronic lying, violence, or narcissism in your previous relationship? It might take time to stop being suspicious of people’s motives.
2. Your physical contact needs/likes have changed
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I remember spending dates wishing and yearning for someone to take my hand or “accidentally” brush up against me and here was a man I liked deliberately touching my leg … and I flinched.
Changes in your usual physical contact patterns could be an indicator of PTSD. This can also go the other way, where someone previously reserved becomes more active.
The human need for physical contact is fundamental. Studies show that a lack of touch can negatively impact mental and emotional well-being, leading to increased feelings of loneliness, stress, anxiety, and depression.
Conversely, 2024 research found that positive physical contact promotes bonding, reduces stress hormones, and enhances overall health and happiness. These findings highlight the importance of maintaining appropriate levels of physical touch in our lives, especially in an increasingly digital world where in-person interactions can be limited.
3. You blame yourself for everything
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Do you constantly think about how you contributed to the downfall of your relationship? Feel like you were the cause of his every mistake? Wonder what you could have done to fix him? Stop. Self-blame is a major indicator of Post-Relationship Stress Disorder.
Blaming yourself for everything in a bad relationship is often linked to a defense mechanism called turning against oneself, where individuals internalize blame to cope with stress, particularly in situations where they feel powerless or abused, leading to low self-esteem and difficulty setting boundaries.
This behavior can stem from childhood experiences of invalidation or abuse, where individuals learn to attribute problems to their shortcomings to maintain a sense of security.
A 2015 study recommended that learning to set clear boundaries and communicate needs assertively can prevent situations where one person feels constantly responsible for the relationship's issues.
4. You have flashbacks and obsessive thoughts
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If you’ve been through something physically or emotionally traumatic you’re likely to suffer flashbacks. This is when something triggers a trauma memory that hits you like a freight train. You can feel it, see it, smell it … it’s a full-force memory that punches you right in the feels.
And where traditional Post Traumatic Stress Disorder usually involves encouraging buried memories to surface, the opposite is true when it comes to relationships. You’ll obsess over what happened, how it happened, what you said, what you did. “I’m a smart woman, how did I let that happen?”
As my shrink said, obsessing is like drinking poison and expecting someone else to die. You’re only hurting yourself.
5. You forget what a loving relationship was like
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Sometimes, you’ll see an in-love couple snuggling and smooching on TV and… nothing. You actually can’t remember what that feels like.
That real, all-encompassing love? Nope. You remember betrayal, you remember lies, you even remember your single life but you can’t remember being happy in a secure relationship.
Experiencing a series of negative relationships can lead to a distorted perception of a healthy, loving relationship. This often causes individuals to forget the positive aspects of past healthy relationships due to negative bias in memory, where negative experiences tend to be more salient and easily recalled than positive ones.
The impact of attachment styles and coping mechanisms can further exacerbate this. A study published in The Journal of Social and Personal Relationships recommended intentionally engaging in positive and supportive relationships can serve as a reminder of what a healthy partnership looks like, gradually reshaping perceptions.
6. You cry for prolonged periods
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It’s normal to cry after a breakup. But if you’re still crying after months or even years, then perhaps you’ve got a bit of Post-Relationship Stress.
Crying for months after a breakup is considered a normal psychological response to the significant loss of a relationship. It is often referred to as breakup grief. In this process, a study published by the Journal of Social and Personal Relationships found that individuals are essentially mourning the future they envisioned with their partner and experiencing intense emotions like sadness, longing, and even anger, which can manifest as crying spells over a prolonged period.
While crying is a natural response, if it significantly disrupts one's daily functioning, work, or social life, it might be a sign to seek professional support.
7. You're emotionally numb
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Hello, depression! You might think you need to feel sad to be depressed, but this is a common misconception. It can just be a lack of motivation and a general emotional nothingness.
When you’re in recovery mode from a traumatic relationship, listlessness can set in. Maybe you’ve just shut down, maybe you’ve lost hope, or maybe it’s just your brain chemicals being jerks. Whatever reason, you’ve checked out of Feelings Town.
8. Your weight rapidly fluctuates and your health suffers
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Sudden weight gain or loss can be a sign of trauma. It’s that old fight-or-flight instinct kicking in. You either need to be a load lighter to leg it out of there or heavier to hold your own in a cage match.
Or you’re just replacing love with food. Either way, rapid changes in your size or shape can be a sign you’re battling some major baggage.
So can illness. When you’re constantly walking on eggshells and fending off either physical or emotional attacks, your body is using a lot of energy. Your immune system will suffer, make no mistake.
9. You suddenly dislike things you used to enjoy
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How many times have I felt this one? Some of my favorite things have become some of my most loathed because I did them with an ex. When it ends badly, anything that reminds you of that awful time can trigger a full-on bodily reaction.
You can panic, stress out, worry, shake, and generally just feel totally on edge. As you know, when someone awesome touches you and you flinch.
I even needed to stop watching Game of Thrones because it was our couple show. Which meant spoilers. Lots of spoilers.
So how do you heal? With time and help, kindness, and self-care. Firstly, give yourself a break. You’ve been through it so it’s okay to not be perfect.
It’s even okay to just be okay, and even it's okay to be utterly awful. Think about how you’d treat a friend who’d just gone through what you have… would you be telling them they needed to snap out of it or reassuring them they’re allowed to be a bit bad for a while?
Use your friends and family to lean on… that’s what they’re there for. Repay the favor when you’re on emotionally solid ground.
Also, consider getting outside help. If you’ve been through an emotional warzone, you might need a professional to help heal your wounds.
One day you’ll feel ready to date again for real rather than just a FOMO reaction. And when that happens, you’re not gonna flinch, literally or figuratively.
Elizabeth Best is a journalist and editor who’s great at providing relationship advice. Her work has been featured in MamaMia, The Courier-Journal (Louisville, KY), Great Falls Tribune, Whimn, and SheSaid.