8 Types Of Painful Breakups People Will Experience At Least Once In Their Life
When good relationships come to an end, sometimes it's a bit more painful than we anticipate.
Peopleimages.com - YuriArcurs | Canva They say breaking up is hard to do, and we couldn’t agree more. Everyone has at least one tragic, hilarious, and/or awkward breakup story to tell.
These painful breakups that people experience at least once in their lives are oftentimes more universal than you might think. We’ve broken down eight common splitting-up experiences. Maybe you’ve experienced one ...or, oof, all eight of them.
Here are the types of painful breakups people will experience at least once in their lives:
1. The text breakup
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If you dated in the 2000s, you have probably experienced this (or have done it to someone else). Let’s be honest; sometimes it’s a relief — you might have been feeling the same way but were unable to bring yourself to have that awkward voice-to-voice conversation.
Other times, it can feel like a punch in the gut. This one can also be called the “I don’t really owe you anything” breakup or the “We just were intimate once, and I have no interest in doing it again” severing of ties.
2. The ghosting breakup
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Also known as the disappearing act. Maybe the only thing worse than being dumped by text is not being properly dumped at all! Most people would rather hear a “no” than nothing.
“Ghosting” is the unofficial term for this maneuver. Cut your losses and move on, but whatever you do, no follow-up “making sure you got this” messages.
Being ghosted is a form of social rejection, which activates the brain's pain receptors in a similar way to physical pain, causing significant emotional distress and often leading to feelings of self-doubt, low self-esteem, abandonment, and loneliness.
A study published in the Journal of Social Psychology found that this is mainly due to the lack of closure and confusion surrounding the abrupt end of communication.
3. The swift and final goodbye breakup
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This is the polar opposite of the oldest trick in the book (leaving something so you have an excuse to see that person again). This kind of breakup says, “I’m so over this, I’m willing to never see that helmet I left in your trunk again.”
Or you finally muster the courage to end things, and he reminds you that he still has that book you loaned him. Having no interest in wasting time on this dead end, you tell him to consider it a parting gift. Then, you immediately block him on social media.
4. The public breakup
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This is the worst. It’s done on neutral ground, so nobody feels comfortable having an emotional reaction. What are you going to do? Have a meltdown over your skinny latte at the local Starbucks? The good news is there is sugar at your immediate disposal to numb the pain right after your former lover bids you adieu.
The pain of a public breakup can be significantly amplified compared to a private one. It activates not only the emotional pain of loss but also the social pain of public humiliation and potential judgment, often triggering similar brain regions as physical pain due to the intense social rejection involved.
A 2023 study showed this through fMRI scans, where individuals viewing images of their ex after a public breakup exhibit activity in pain-related brain areas.
5. The awkward timing breakup
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Would you rather they had waited until after Christmas passed and then maybe New Year's, okay, Valentine's Day? Because that could go on forever.
There is always some sort of special occasion looming, so if you don’t do it sooner or later, you’ll find yourself justifying your inaction with crazy logic. “Well, I can’t break up with him now. Flag Day is next week, and his sister’s anniversary is the week after that — what sort of monster am I?” It’s a rabbit hole no one wants to go down.
6. The best friend breakup
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Ouch. This one stings. It may sound like a plot for a generic romantic comedy, but it can happen in real life.
How do you get through it? Depending on how deep into the relationship you were, you could be looking at the loss of a lover and a gal pal. Or maybe you felt like he’d be better for her all along! In that case, high five, matchmaker.
A breakup with a best friend can be excruciating, often triggering feelings of grief and loss similar to a romantic breakup due to the deep emotional connection, shared experiences, and sense of trust involved in close friendships.
A 2012 study explained that this pain is sometimes referred to as disenfranchised grief, as others may not fully validate the severity of the loss.
7. The slow fade break-up
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Come on, we’ve all been guilty of the fade-out. One or both of you aren’t feeling the chemistry, but no one wants to admit it. So you keep trudging it out until one day, your conversation becomes, “When are we hanging out again?” “Sometime soon!” and other vague promises until you both give up trying.
Galloping into the sunset on horseback is optional.
8. The 'I'm too busy right now' breakup
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This is an updated version of “It’s not you, it’s me.” Often doled out by someone too afraid to utter, “I’m just not that into you,” the "I’m too busy for a relationship" card is a favorite among the emotionally unavailable and the intimacy-phobic. We’re usually all better off without this person, but it can still be hard to swallow at the time.
Using the "I'm too busy right now" excuse for a breakup often stems from a desire to avoid commitment, prioritize other life aspects like career or personal goals over a relationship, or lack emotional availability due to stress or personal challenges. This could lead to feelings of neglect and dissatisfaction with the partner left behind.
A 2015 study published in Social Psychological and Personality Science recommended that if you frequently use being busy as an excuse, consider whether it might be a sign of deeper relationship issues or a need to prioritize your emotional availability.
Mary Patterson Broome is a stand-up comedian and writer. She has been featured in The Washington Post, Women's Health Magazine, Mashed, It's a Southern Thing and more.