8 Secrets Couples In Happy, Healthy Relationships Never Keep
It's essential your partner knows the important stuff.
simonapilollatnf | Canva When you're getting serious with someone, there are certain things you need to know about them — partially to assess compatibility and partially because communication, openness, and trust are the foundations of a healthy relationship.
Sometimes, couples avoid these hot-button topics or keep secrets about something they think their new partner won't like. Don't worry. The major differences you end up finding between the two of you need not be deal-breakers. Because when you know how to have a healthy relationship, it shows.
Plenty of couples make it work despite divergent views on politics, money, and social issues. But there are a few secrets couples in happy, healthy relationships never keep.
Here are the secrets couples in happy, healthy relationships never keep:
1. Financial status
Is one of you in debt? Are you super-good at saving money? Do either of you have an IRA or 401K, and how often do you contribute?
Research indicates that constructive discussions regarding financial matters, as opposed to conflict, along with establishing an agreed method for handling finances (whether joint or separate accounts), can greatly influence the overall well-being of a relationship and enhance long-term satisfaction.
This won't matter so much at the beginning of your relationship, but if you take things to the next level, you'll need to know how the financial burden might be divided between the two of you, especially considering that money is the number one thing most couples fight about.
2. Attitudes about money
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How much you have isn't the only thing to consider. You should also know your partner's views on spending and saving.
A 2011 study on the impact of financial satisfaction and stress on marital happiness revealed that couples who align on financial values generally experience greater relationship satisfaction.
If you ever shacked up together, would you want to open a joint account, or would you prefer to keep things separate? Does one of you earn less money and if so, how do you feel about that? How often are you comfortable eating out or going on vacation, given the constraints of your budget?
3. Faith and religion
Does one of you identify with a particular faith? How strong are your religious beliefs? If you plan on someday having kids, would either of you be adamant about raising them in a certain way?
A person’s faith can be a core part of their identity — and differences in religious beliefs between partners can sometimes lead to conflict over how to raise children. According to a paper from James Madison University’s e-Vision, interfaith couples often experience tension over religious practices and the education of their children.
You may feel that, when it comes to religion, love knows no bounds. And we certainly agree that religion doesn't have to be an immovable barrier to love.
But a person's faith can oftentimes be a core part of their identity, and it can become surprisingly divisive when kids come into the picture.
4. Feelings about kids
Before getting in too deep, you should know how you each feel about children. Do you want them? Once you've established that you do (or do not) want to reproduce, find out how many your partner wants, and when.
Not only that but what are your views on parenting and gender roles? Can either of you imagine taking a break from a high-powered career to focus more on caregiving? How do you see your roles as Mom and Dad?
5. Commitment to work
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Ambition. Dedication. Financial stability. All very sexy attributes. But if one of you is married to your job, can you also be married to each other?
Look for signs that your partner is maintaining a (moderately) healthy work/life balance, and consider carefully whether or not you can handle a partnership that leaves you lonely most of the time.
6. Level of wanderlust
Do you like living here? Or are you itching to try somewhere new? How open would he be to the possibility of moving?
If, for example, you landed your dream job in Bumblefudge, Massachusetts, would one of you have to leave the other behind?
While long-distance relationships can certainly work — even when you're married — they can also be very tough to manage.
7. Health
Do either of you have any major health concerns? Are they contagious? Do they directly affect your life span? Or could they potentially affect your future offspring? These are things you probably don't want to be surprised by sometime down the road.
2014 research reveals that enjoying a strong marital bond is linked to improved physical health and even longer life spans! It highlights the importance for couples to openly discuss any health concerns, as addressing unresolved issues can have a positive impact not just on daily life but also on their future together.
8. Social habits
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Opposites attract — it's true. But sometimes, when introverts and extroverts fall in love, it ends up being more trouble than it's worth.
In cases like these, it's important to be respectful of each other's comfort levels and to come to an agreement about how you'll handle different types of social situations as a couple.
Alex Alexander is a pseudonym for a writer who chose to not have their identity disclosed. The author is known to the YourTango editors.