11 Classy Ways To Punish Someone Who Wronged You Without Being Toxic
Sometimes the best form of revenge is to choose yourself and move forward with grace.
Andreshkova Nastya / Shutterstock We've all been on the receiving end of betrayal, disrespect, or thoughtless behavior from someone that we thought we could trust. It stings in a way that you think you'll never be able to recover from, and while the urge to exact some kind of revenge and hurt that person just as they hurt you can be hard to ignore.
No matter how angry, upset, and dejected you feel, revenge may make you feel good in the moment, but in the long-run, it doesn't fix anything. Revenge might be sweet, but staying unbothered and responding to their behavior in classy ways without being toxic is always a wise choice. Not only can you show that person that they didn't break you, but you'll also show yourself that even in the face of being wronged, you can still choose peace.
Here are 11 classy ways to punish someone who wronged you without being toxic
1. Pull your energy back
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People are often quick to notice when someone's energy has shifted. Whether it means becoming quieter in their company or simply not showing up in the ways that you used to, that shift truly speaks volumes about how you feel about them and more importantly, how you feel about the ways in which they may have wronged you.
It's a powerful way to make someone start to feel your absence, especially if they've grown accustomed to having it around all of the time.
"Understanding the harmful effects of toxic people is crucial for your well-being. Recognizing the signs and taking steps to distance yourself from toxic people and relationships can improve your emotional and physical health," explained mental health counselor Stephanie A. Sarkis Ph.D.
2. Set clear boundaries
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If someone has wronged you and you want to let them know that they won't have access to you in the ways they did before, it's best to start setting some clear boundaries with them. You don't have to over-explain yourself or have some dramatic confrontation, but once they cross that line, you can draw the line right back. You simply don't have to put up with their behavior anymore.
While you don't have to directly cut them out of your life, setting boundaries with them can redefine the relationship as something that you're comfortable with having.
"One of the phrases I like to remind myself and my clients of is: You can only give from what you have. This helps me resist the temptation to give more than I have to give and helps prevent me from feeling burned out," encouraged clinical psychologist Yesel Yoon, Ph.D.
3. Be silent
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Trying to argue or confront someone about how they've made you feel can often leave you feeling empty, because frankly, not everyone is willing to listen to how their actions may have been hurtful and you could end up going around and around in circles trying to justify your reaction. Truthfully, you don't need someone's validation to heal, and many times it's better to just go silent.
Silence speaks volumes to how someone has treated you. A lack of words ends up leaving such a bigger impact than you may think.
4. Match their energy
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If someone has wronged you, one of the most classy ways to punish them without being toxic is by holding up a mirror to their actions, whether that means being inconsistent because they're inconsistent or not putting in effort because they've stopped making one on their part.
It can be helpful to let someone experience what they're dishing out. Many times, people are surprised at how they're being treated by someone they've mistreated because they don't think the roles will be reversed.
Teaching someone how to treat you is usually a process that involves introducing them to "what is acceptable and unacceptable. It is knowing what we need and want, and being able to communicate it effectively to others," explained Michael Morgan, LMFT, a marriage and family therapist.
5. Stop prioritizing them
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If someone has wronged you, another class way to punish them is to stop prioritizing them and putting them before yourself. They've shown their true colors and established that they clearly don't value your time, energy, or care — so why should you continue to make them a priority?
By choosing to shift your focus back to yourself, you're able to find that happiness again that you may have lost in the process of always focusing on them.
"When we do make time for our wants and needs, we are more alive to the world around us, more available, and more giving of our fullest selves. In effect, we are our least selfish, while still honoring our sense of self," explained clinical psychologist Lisa Firestone, Ph.D.
6. Level up
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Nothing unsettles someone who has done you wrong like leveling up and showing them exactly what they're missing. This means pouring love into yourself, whether this means consistently working out, getting healthier, upgrading your style, or diving headfirst into your passions and goals. Show that person who did wrong that you're actually thriving without their presence in your life.
"Don’t wait for permission to invest in your potential. The rewards of self-driven growth and the transformative power of a leadership community can open doors to opportunities you may not have thought possible," pointed out leadership coach James M. Kerr.
7. Have an unbothered attitude
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A classy way to punish someone who has wronged you without being toxic is to simply not show them how bothered their actions have made you, no matter how much you want to. When you decide to stay calm and unbothered, you're effectively taking away the power they may have had over you.
It might even throw that person off and get them questioning their actions towards you. Having that quiet confidence can end up being more impactful than any argument or emotional outburst that you may be itching to display.
8. Stop being their safe space
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If someone has mistreated you or made you feel small, you no longer should feel the need to be their emotional safe haven. Instead of showing up when they need that support, show up for yourself. Protect your energy instead of pouring it into a person who clearly doesn't appreciate it or you.
"Toughing out situations that aren’t beneficial to our mental health used to be seen as a measure of strength. But these days, many of us recognize the changes we need to make in how we respond to life’s curveballs. Many people are rethinking how they move through the world, and how they show up for themselves and for others," explained counselor Robin D. Stone, LMHC.
9. Don't be predictable
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Once you stop being the one who always texts first, forgives quickly, or is constantly explaining your feelings, they'll start to feel a shift. By keeping them guessing, you're allowing them to wonder about your life instead of allowing them to have the access they used to have with you.
It's not about playing games but rather treating someone how they've treated you. You're simply mirroring the energy that they were giving you, and for the most part, many people simply can't handle that — and that often ends up being the best form of revenge.
10. Be the bigger person
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This doesn't mean excusing their behavior or even forgiving them if that's not something you want to do, but simply choosing not to stoop to the same level of disrespect they showed towards you. It's a classy way of choosing maturity and grace, because you know that you're better then them in that regard.
It's not that you're tolerating their mistreatment of you, but rather that you're not allowing it to change you or how you show up for the people in your life that you actually care about and who treat you in the ways that you should be treated. It's about knowing that while you have the right to be angry and react, the best route is always going to be choosing peace above all else.
11. Walk away
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Never feel that you should keep someone in your life that has wronged you. If you feel that their actions are irredeemable, then the best way to move forward is simply cutting that person out of your life. You shouldn't have a person around that doesn't bring you anything but grief and frustration because their actions are inconsiderate.
The ultimate way to punish someone is simply choosing to put yourself first in every aspect. Don't think you need to beg and plead with someone to treat you with an ounce of respect. The best way to make that person regret their decisions are removing yourself from their life completely.
Nia Tipton is a staff writer with a bachelor's degree in creative writing and journalism who covers news and lifestyle topics that focus on psychology, relationships, and the human experience.
