11 Behaviors That Seem Nice But Actually Scream Low Self-Worth
Sometimes, the behaviors we think are mundane and harmless acts of kindness reflect serious confidence issues.
mkfilm | Shutterstock We all strive to be kind, generous, and compassionate individuals, especially when interacting with others. Whether it's family, friends, co-workers, neighbors, or even strangers, we sometimes go out of our way to be as accommodating and pleasant as possible because we don't want to leave a questionable impression. However, sometimes there are behaviors that seem nice but actually scream low self-worth.
The way we interact with others can often just be a reflection of how we feel about ourselves, whether that's being scared of rejection, looking for external validation, or an inability to process our emotions and seeking others to hold them for us. Whatever the case may be, being able to recognize these patterns can be the first step to learning boundaries both with others and with yourself.
Here are 11 behaviors that seem nice but actually scream low self-worth
1. Over-apologizing
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While apologizing and being able to take accountability for your actions, especially when they've hurt someone else, is considered an important social skill to have, there is such a thing as apologizing too much and for things that you don't need to feel sorry about. A person's tendency to over-apologize comes from a place of being a people-pleaser and trying to avoid disapproval, and is one of the behaviors that seem nice but actually scream low self-worth.
"Apologizing excessively can be the result of a genuine desire to demonstrate respect. It can become problematic, however, when we hold others' opinions and reactions in overly high regard. Old habits die hard and unfortunately, those well-intentioned attempts to be deferential can sabotage us years later," explained licensed social worker Melody Wilding. "By speaking more straightforwardly and clearly, you can showcase your skills and feel more confident in the process."
2. Always saying 'yes'
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It's always nice to be up for anything when asked and be known as the person that others can rely on or turn to. But there comes a point when constantly saying "yes" to things might actually be doing you more harm than good.
If you're agreeing to things, even if you know they'll be exhausting for you, it's a sign that you would rather put yourself down at the expense of making others around you feel good. But it's more than okay to be someone who prioritizes their own mental health above others, especially if it means being able to preserve your energy.
"Say 'yes' when you want to boost creativity, reduce conflict, build rapport, or take a risk. Say 'no' to set and maintain boundaries, preserve your time, attain more equity, stay safe, or evaluate ideas. Each plays a special role in helping you create, communicate, collaborate, and thrive," explained educator and author Clay Drinko, PhD.
3. Deflecting compliments
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At first, someone refusing to take compliments or brushing them away may seem as if they're just trying to remain humble. In reality, their reason for deflecting compliments might come from a place of feeling awkward and uncomfortable, which stems from having low self-esteem. If you don't believe you're worthy of the compliments that you're receiving, you're more likely to reject or downplay them altogether.
According to conflict resolution expert Lindsey Godwin, PhD, "Accepting kindness may feel awkward, even unnatural at times, but it's an opportunity for growth. When we let compliments sink in, we're not just acknowledging our own value — we're also honoring the person who offered them. In doing so, we create space for deeper connection, greater joy, and more confidence — not just for ourselves, but for everyone around us."
4. Over-explaining yourself
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Individuals often feel the need to over-explain and justify every decision and opinion they have because it comes from a fear of being both misunderstood and worrying that their thoughts aren't "good enough" on their own.
Because of this, some people may feel the need to talk to themselves in circles just to receive approval from others. On the surface, it may seem as if these individuals are simply being thorough and considerate, but it stems from feelings of self-doubt and insecurity.
"This behavior has a root in childhood trauma experiences, particularly in people who have a history of emotional neglect or people who had to fear maltreatment or abuse from a perpetrator as a result of being in trouble," explained psychotherapist Kaytee Gillis, LCSW.
"The act of overexplaining is often a defense mechanism and stress response that comes from that fear of needing to 'explain' oneself out of trouble," Gillis added. "In the past, explaining may have worked to diffuse the situation or prevent upsetting the perpetrator."
5. Avoiding conflict
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No one on this planet enjoys conflict, but there are some individuals who go to quite extreme lengths to avoid it altogether. They'll do this to the point where they're pushing down their own feelings and emotions or tolerating things they know make them unhappy just to avoid having to confront anyone in their lives who's making them feel less than them.
While avoiding conflict can be seen as wanting to keep the peace, there comes a certain point where constantly doing that does more harm than good.
"Conflict avoidance actually creates much larger conflicts and creates more disconnected feelings in relationships. When you hold in conflict it can grow bigger and bigger and come out as an explosion," explained couples counselor Kari Rusnak.
6. Putting yourself last
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It may seem generous when you're someone who makes sure to show up for everyone else in your life, but at a point, it becomes one of the behaviors that seem nice but actually scream low self-worth. It can become detrimental when you realize that you haven't been giving yourself that same love and compassion, and there's nothing good about neglecting your own needs and worth for the sake of others.
"For many of us, there are good lessons to be learned about being generous and giving of ourselves. However, when we lose touch with the grand passions and tiny quirks that make us who we are, we diminish the quality of our lives," explained clinical psychologist Lisa Firestone, PhD.
"When we do make time for our wants and needs, we are more alive to the world around us, more available, and more giving of our fullest selves. In effect, we are our least selfish, while still honoring our sense of self."
We can only continue to form healthy relationships and bonds with other people once we start pouring that same love back into ourselves.
7. Feeling guilty for resting
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We all strive to be productive, and while there are benefits to being hardworking and efficient, there also comes a point where you could be overworking yourself to the point of exhaustion. There's nothing wrong with resting or relaxing, but people who struggle with self-worth often feel guilty because they have feelings of anxiousness attached to taking time for themselves.
They may feel that the only way they can earn a bit of rest is by overworking and pushing themselves to the brink, but the entire point of rest is so that you don't have to get to that level of burnout and stress. It's only by letting go and embracing the fact that you don't need to be productive 24/7 that you'll actually be able to feel more productive.
8. Minimizing your own problems
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While being able to maintain perspective about how your problems fit in with other things happening around you, it can be detrimental to your self-worth to constantly minimize your own problems all of the time.
Dismissing your own feelings comes from this belief that they don't matter as much as everyone else's when that's not the case and should never be the case. According to licensed clinical professional counselor Hannah Rose, "We, as humans, have a tendency to try to sugarcoat our experiences by bringing to mind someone who has it 'worse' than we do. We misuse the concept of gaining perspective by shaming our own emotional reaction to life, causing an underlying narrative of 'your feelings don't matter.'"
You should always acknowledge that your feelings are valid and give yourself space to heal and grow. If something has bothered you or made you feel upset in any way, then it's important enough to recognize and address.
9. Always letting others decide
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Being an easygoing and flexible person can have its benefits, but if you're someone who's always letting others make decisions on your behalf because you're afraid of asserting yourself and what you want, that could be a clear sign of low self-worth.
You shouldn't have to adapt to others' needs because you feel like your own preferences shouldn't take precedence or don't matter. If you're around people who truly care about you and value your presence, they would never want you to feel uncomfortable following along with something that you don't want to do. They'll prioritize you and listen to your needs, but you also need to start trusting your voice as well.
10. Laughing along when someone makes fun of you
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Sometimes it's healthy to laugh at ourselves, especially if we're trying to embrace our imperfections. But there definitely comes a point when someone is regularly making jokes at your expense and you're just laughing along to hide your discomfort because you're using it as a way to not have to confront your deeper issues, which may range from a fear of conflict to not being taken seriously.
By laughing off hurtful jokes, you're exhibiting one of the subtle behaviors that seem nice but actually scream low self-worth. You shouldn't have to accept being the punchline of a cruel joke made at your expense just to feel accepted in any room that you're in.
Speaking up and defending yourself doesn't mean you're being "too sensitive," but rather, setting boundaries on what you're willing to accept and what you're not.
11. Giving excessive gifts
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There's nothing wrong with wanting to be generous every once in a while, especially with people in your life that you love and cherish. However, there comes a point when giving excessive gifts or favors, especially at your own expense, could be a sign of low self-worth.
According to psychiatrist Christine B. L. Adams M.D., people who give too much take on lots of responsibilities, leading to exhaustion, guilt, perfectionism, poor self-care, among many other negatives.
"Altruism is deeply rooted in Western cultures. But it also has a dark side. Such overboard giving is detrimental to the giver because it results in neglect of one's own needs. Excessive giving is harmful to the recipient because it fulfills needs the recipient can and should fulfill for himself," Adams revealed.
If giving gifts is your way of seeking validation from others and trying to "earn" another person's love or acceptance, it will lead to a rather unhealthy dynamic. You should never be putting your worth into what you do for others. Instead, people should be able to value you for the kind of person you are and how you show up for them.
Nia Tipton is a staff writer with a bachelor's degree in creative writing and journalism who covers news and lifestyle topics that focus on psychology, relationships, and the human experience.