Truly Selfish Women Usually Display These 11 Obvious Behaviors Without Realizing It
Selfishness can hide in the littlest of things that a person does.
Dodokat / Shutterstock Many of us strive to be as selfless as possible in a perfect world, doing our best to always show up with a level of humility and grace. Sometimes, though, we can get so caught up in our own little world that we may not realize just how many selfish tendencies we have, and some of us are selfish more often than not. In fact, truly selfish women usually display some glaringly obvious behaviors without even realizing it.
Women who unknowingly fall into a pattern of putting their needs above others often don't mean to hurt anyone. Their actions may be wrapped in the mindset of being honest and knowing what they want, but beneath that is often a lack of awareness regarding how their actions and behaviors can quietly damage the trust and respect people have for them.
Here are 11 obvious behaviors truly selfish women display without realizing it
1. Always making things about themselves
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This behavior is one of the most obvious signs that a woman has selfish and self-centered traits. If she's constantly redirecting the conversation back to her or even tuning out of the conversation once others start talking about themselves, it shows a clear lack of actually wanting to get to know others.
Instead of offering sympathy to someone going through a hard time, she might try and relate their struggles back to herself. While this can be a trait that someone uses to try and show the other person they understand their conflict, most of the time, they don't want to engage with what the other person is feeling.
"Pay attention to the transitions between your talking and the other person talking. Pay attention to whether you ask questions and whether you leave space for the other person to share their thoughts and feelings. Pay attention to whether you interrupt others, especially by turning conversations back to yourself," encouraged political science expert Amanda Rose, Ph.D.
2. Playing the victim
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It's truly exhausting when in any moment of conflict or tension, someone has to play the victim and make others around them feel guilty, especially when it was their fault to begin with. This is often a form of manipulation that some women can exhibit when they want to deflect accountability and flip the script.
This type of behavior can be truly toxic to the person on the receiving end of it. They may feel confused, guilty, and may even apologize when in reality, they're the ones who should be receiving the apology instead.
"A person who is playing the victim tends to attention-seek, inflict guilt to manipulate, and use a past hardship to escape accountability in a current relationship," explained psychotherapist Erin Leonard, Ph.D. "Typically, a person who is sincerely grappling with a difficulty accepts empathy and feedback, does not want anything from the listener but to feel understood, and is able to be vulnerable during the conversation."
3. Expecting things without giving
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Usually, truly selfish women will constantly expect emotional support, gifts, attention, favors, or even special people from those around them but won't reciprocate that energy back. They may feel entitled to other people's time and energy, but when someone comes to them asking for support, they'll either make up an excuse or claim they can't show up at all.
Selfish women may expect people to drop what they're doing just to come to her rescue, but in the same breath, won't return a call or buy flowers for someone in her life who may be going through a hard time because she's just not thinking about returning the favor.
"Showing up is sometimes for others and sometimes for ourselves. Whether our relationships are strong or frayed, being there and being seen to be there is what nourishes and strengthens those relationships and the many ties and connection points that make them and keep them vibrant and alive," insisted therapist Ariadne Platero, LMSW.
4. Having a lack of empathy during conflict
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Truly selfish women will often display a lack of empathy for others during conflict, deciding to focus on the ways they have been wronged instead of focusing on how the other person feels. Rather than actually taking the time to listen and understand, these women will jump to conclusions as a way to avoid taking responsibility for how their actions and words may have made someone else feel.
These women don't understand that having empathy and understanding is often the key to being able to mend an argument or disagreement. It's never about who's won but about how to move forward and keep the relationship.
"Deep empathy engenders trust and understanding. It humanizes. But it does not come easily or cheaply. It requires sustained dialogue, openness, and spaces of safety. We need first to create those spaces of safety, and a cease-fire is a good place to start. But then we need to turn our attention to fostering deep empathy," said philosophy expert Riana Betzler, Ph.D.
5. Selective listening
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For truly selfish women, this behavior of only listening when the topic is directly catered to their interests, needs, and desires is often an indicator of how they usually prioritize their needs above others. For conversations that they don't view themselves as being the focus of, they may appear disinterested, and their attention will drift.
This lack of attention and selective listening results in shallow and one-sided conversations. After a while of being in a person's company and knowing they're not listening to a word you're saying, the less you'll want to be around them.
And more of us seem to do than we realize. One study found that 96% of respondents admitted to always listening or sometimes being good listeners, while another study showed that we retain only around half of what people say to us.
6. Having conditional love and attention for others
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When people put conditions for their love and attention, especially for the people in their lives they have relationships with, this can end up being quite an obvious selfish trait. Selfish women will often use love and affection as forms of leverage, taking them away when someone doesn't meet their standards.
They may not realize that certain things in life should have no strings attached, and when you really appreciate someone, your love and care shouldn't come with a list of expectations and rules.
"Become aware of those in your life, and whether they are providing you a return on your emotional investment. Work on establishing and maintaining solid boundaries for yourself. Recognize that no one is perfect, and no one should be held to unrealistic expectations, including yourself," explained relationship specialist and coach Annie Tanasugarn, Ph.D., CCTSA.
7. Always needing to be right
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Truly selfish women often have trouble being able to acknowledge another person's perspective. Instead, they're usually too busy trying to prove they're right and may even dominate conversations to argue their point without caring about allowing others to share their thoughts and words.
These women won't approach conflict with empathy and understanding, as talked about in an earlier point, but they'll be incredibly defensive and argumentative. What's truly frustrating about this trait is that there's no room for growth or being able to learn from being in the wrong.
8. Dismissive of other people's time
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Having this behavior reveals someone who is choosing to prioritize their own time and schedule over other people's. This can manifest in someone always being late to scheduled plans or even canceling plans at the last minute with little regard or thought for how the other person will be affected.
Truly selfish women will lack a clear consideration for people's time. While life is unpredictable and things can happen, these individuals will rarely apologize, make excuses, and refuse to change their behavior. After some time, being around these types of women can be quite exhausting.
9. Jealous of others' success
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Instead of congratulating someone, being happy, or acknowledging when someone has achieved an impressive milestone, truly selfish women will become jealous and bitter. They'll often downplay their accomplishments and even change the subject as a way to mask their envy because they view success as a competition.
If they don't have anything to celebrate for themselves, they'll take it out on others who do. These women are unable to celebrate someone else's success without being able to brag about their own. The problem with this mindset is that it ends up draining relationships because people soon start to pick up on that jealousy and refuse to be around it.
10. Ignoring boundaries
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One of the most telling signs that a woman is truly selfish is her lack of consideration and regard for other people's boundaries. She'll routinely cross them and have little thought for how dismissing someone else's comfort and emotional needs can have a drastic effect on the relationship.
It could range from refusing to take someone's "no" at face value to taking another person's possession after they made it clear that it was off-limits. Over time, putting up with someone who is constantly undermining your boundaries and displaying a lack of respect for you can truly pull people apart.
11. Unwillingness to apologize
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In many cases, truly selfish women have a problem with being able to accept they're wrong and simply apologize. They refuse to take accountability and will say anything and everything else to avoid saying the two simple words, "I'm sorry." They may instead twist the apology, saying something like, "I'm sorry you feel that way," which isn't a real apology because you're still making the other person feel responsible for their own hurt.
At its core, this type of behavior is inherently selfish because these individuals refuse to put aside their pride and ego to offer the other person the closure and validation they need.
Nia Tipton is a staff writer with a bachelor's degree in creative writing and journalism who covers news and lifestyle topics that focus on psychology, relationships, and the human experience.
