11 Phrases Brilliant People Use To Professionally Say 'I Can't Stand You'
Don't waste so much energy worrying about that one annoying co-worker.
Irene Miller | Shutterstock Over 90% of American employees have at least one co-worker that they can't stand or find annoying at work, according to a survey conducted by Quality Logo Products. It's an experience not many can avoid in their careers, but there are healthy ways to protect your energy and job satisfaction without compromising comfort, job stability, or another person's emotional well-being.
By uttering the phrases brilliant people use to professionally say "I can't stand you," rather than calling them out directly, talking poorly behind their back, or avoiding interactions completely, the best employees find ways to healthily interact with their annoying co-workers without sacrificing their peace of mind. It's a skill that everyone needs to learn and practice in the workplace, not just to protect people's feelings or lead with empathy, but to redirect energy toward productivity and personal success, rather than rumination and annoyance.
Here are 11 phrases brilliant people use to professionally say 'I can't stand you'
1. 'I don't have the bandwidth to engage further on this'
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According to Harvard Business Review, there are many different "kinds" of annoying co-workers. Some are subtly narcissistic and competitive, others are "over-achievers" with avoidance issues, and some even try to delegate work like a leader, despite being in the same position as you. Dealing with each of these annoying co-workers tends to look different, but using a phrase like this can ensure you're not wasting energy on any of them.
Essentially, you're telling them that you're not looking to entertain any kind of conversation that's outside of your current workload. Even if you're not particularly busy, using this phrase is the perfect scapegoat to exit a conversion, oftentimes without offending or sparking conflict with the person you're speaking with.
2. 'I'm not here to bond, I'm here to work'
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Even if it's uncomfortable or awkward at first, setting boundaries at work is key to protecting your well-being and work-life balance. If you're constantly anxious and overwhelmed by your workload while also dealing with overstepping co-workers, work becomes an anxiety-ridden landscape with little room for peace.
It takes practice, but by setting just one boundary with a phrase like this, you can put yourself in a better position to meet your goals, stay productive, and protect yourself from bringing emotional turmoil and anxiety home with you at the end of the day.
At the end of the day, you're at your job to work and fund your personal life. If you want to find meaning and purpose beyond that or protect those boundaries, it starts with practicing setting boundaries.
3. 'I'm choosing peace over pettiness'
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This may be one of the more controversial phrases brilliant people use to professionally say "I can't stand you," but it protects your energy nonetheless. Even if it's simply an internal thought — a reassuring reminder that you can choose not to engage with an overbearing or annoying co-worker — it can ensure you're focusing your energy on the things that matter.
Like psychologist Walter Mischel suggests, sometimes talking about your problems and giving your grievances space in your mind can do more harm than good. Of course, venting and seeking support about workplace issues is important, but if you're constantly ruminating on how annoying a co-worker is or the toxicity of your boss, you could be sabotaging your own emotional well-being.
Make the intentional choice to protect your energy by keeping your thoughts to yourself and creating space between you and that co-worker you can't stand.
4. 'I prefer to keep our interactions professional'
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There's nothing wrong with setting boundaries around the kinds of relationships you're willing to cultivate and maintain at work. Some people are comfortable building bonds and friendships with their peers, while others prefer to strictly protect work-life balance by being cordial and leaving their friendships for their personal lives.
Young people like Gen Zers are even pushing the boundaries of prioritizing their work-life balance, making the choice to avoid workplace relationships to protect their well-being and personal time. It's not a requirement to tolerate misbehavior from co-workers, let alone build entire relationships with them outside the workplace, so use phrases like this to set those boundaries.
5. 'We don't see eye-to-eye and I'm okay keeping it that way'
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It's okay to disagree with people at work; a great deal of productive conversations, collaboration, and conflict resolution starts with a disagreement. However, it's also possible to ensure people feel heard and understood while protecting your own well-being at work by using a phrase like this.
Remind the person you're talking to that you appreciate their input, but don't waste energy trying to over-explain yourself or make a point when there's clearly no common ground. You have the power in any kind of conversation to set a boundary and protect your energy, but by using the phrases brilliant people use to professionally say "I can't stand you," you shield yourself from the backlash of unintentionally offended someone.
6. 'I need to get back to work'
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Sometimes, the phrases brilliant people use to professionally say "I can't stand you" are more about protecting their individual time and energy than anything else. By redirecting your attention or a conversation back to work, you can avoid unprofessional conversations — or, rather, conversations you're not interested in entertaining with an annoying co-worker or boss — and create space.
While research, including a survey from KPMG LLP, does show that workplace friendships and bonds play an important role in workplace happiness and job satisfaction, dealing with co-workers and peers you can't stand on a daily basis can have an adverse effect.
So, don't feel guilty for creating space, protecting your peace, and focusing on the work if it means you can have a more enjoyable and productive workplace experience.
7. 'I'm not the right person to help you with this'
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Sometimes, the root of our dislike for co-workers revolves around unproductive conversations. People come to us for help, talk about our responsibilities, or assume things about us that feel offensive or dismissive at work, but using a phrase like this can ensure you're not wasting energy trying to appease other people.
If you don't have the answer to someone's question or the bandwidth to entertain a conversation with someone you can't stand, redirect their energy and attention. Use a phrase like this — "I'm not the right person for this, but let me help you find someone who is" — to set boundaries around your well-being, while still being helpful and understanding to your co-workers.
If someone is blatantly rude or disrespectful, that's another issue entirely, and it often takes a great deal of emotional regulation and calmness to approach them with grace.
8. 'I hear you, but I'd advise you to bring this up with...'
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Sometimes, our demanding and disrespectful co-workers rope us into conversations well above our paygrade. From criticizing other people on the team to complaining about their workload, it's easy to fall into the trap of drama and disrespect when you're trying to find an escape route from an unproductive and uncomfortable conversation.
However, it's possible to use a phrase like this to divert a toxic co-worker's attention away from you and onto their boss, leadership team, or another colleague. At the end of the day, they could be just as exhausted or drained as you feel listening to their complaints, so point them in the direction of someone who can actually mediate their problems, rather than you, who can't do anything but think about how annoying or dismissive they are.
9. 'Sorry, but I have to decline'
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Of course, "no" is a full sentence and you should feel empowered to use it whenever you see fit in the workplace. However, phrases like this can be more efficient in dealing with co-workers you can't stand without offending them and sparking a larger conflict at work.
It's okay to set boundaries — you can say no to a co-worker's invitation to drinks, decline their request for help and redirect them, or even excuse yourself from an unproductive conversation. Everyone's there to do a job. It may look different for each colleague, but protecting your energy to feed back into your workload should never be a controversial task.
10. 'We clearly don't work well together and that's okay'
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When you learn to deal with a difficult co-worker, no matter how uncomfortable it may be in the moment, you set yourself up to be happier, more productive, and less anxious at work. For some, that means setting boundaries with a phrase like this; for others, it may be talking to a boss, changing teams, or even filing a report.
However, to best figure out how to move forward, you first have to get honest about yourself. Are you emotionally regulating yourself well? Do you have the self-awareness to admit when you're adding to the fire of discontent in these interactions? Are you the problem?
Once you work through these questions and adopt a more rational approach to solving your stress at work, you can better set boundaries and advocate for yourself with a co-worker you just can't stand.
11. 'I think we have different approaches to our work'
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According to experts from Vanderbilt University, setting boundaries at work can reduce stress, increase job satisfaction, help to fend off burnout symptoms, and even promote a happier, more carefree attitude amongst employees in the workplace.
While it's definitely uncomfortable at first to practice setting and enforcing boundaries, phrases like this can assist you in creating space with and managing unhelpful co-workers. Especially if setting these boundaries helps you to be more productive and happy at work, there's truly no downside to reminding a toxic co-worker that you just don't work well together.
Everyone manages stress, organizes their work, and approaches the workplace in different ways. If you're butting heads with a co-worker on a daily basis, chances are you just have different work ethics and tactics.
It's okay to point that out, so that both of you feel understood and empowered to do your best work, even if it means reducing your contact and conversations with one another or setting boundaries that protect your well-being when you do.
Zayda Slabbekoorn is a staff writer with a bachelor's degree in social relations & policy and gender studies who focuses on psychology, relationships, self-help, and human interest stories.
