11 Phrases Brilliant People Use To Soften Their Energy To Get What They Want
Leading with empathy is how you truly connect with people.
Oleksandr Khmelevskyi | Shutterstock Everyone wants different things at different times in their lives. From a promotion at work, to starting a family, meeting your soulmate, or making new friends, there are a million reasons why we may be driven to seek out the opportunities and things missing from our lives. However, according to clinical psychologist Timothy A. Carey, many of us want things that would sabotage our well-being or directly interfere with other goals, so it's important to get clear about your priorities before seeking out our every passing desire.
Once you have a clear idea of what you value, the things that you want, and when you want to pursue them, there are several phrases brilliant people use to soften their energy to get what they want that you can adopt. Empathy, kindness, and consideration — rather than bluntness, rigidity, and greed — are the keys to getting what you desire most, especially if it involves other people's help and engagement.
Here are 11 phrases brilliant people use to soften their energy to get what they want
1. 'I hear you'
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According to a PLOS One study, the key to truly connecting with people is to help them feel heard and understood. In conversations with a co-worker, that could look like using a phrase like this to simply acknowledge another person's thoughts and opinions. At home, with a partner, the same phrase could help to mediate a conflict and craft a safe space for communication.
Many of us subconsciously adopt a harsher sense of personhood and identity at work — stressed about projects, feeding into a competitive culture, or feeling anxious about finances. But the key to having more productive conversations is to soften your energy.
Help people to feel safe and secure when they're talking to you. You'll not only get the things you ask for more, you'll cultivate a healthier workplace dynamic for everyone involved.
2. 'How can I help?'
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According to a study published in Current Directions in Psychological Science, giving to others and being helpful actually boosts our emotional well-being and physical health. The phrases brilliant people use to soften their energy to get what they want, including saying "How can I help?" is a way to offer up your expertise or kindness to others, and you're more likely to get the outcome you want in return.
While many people have a misguided belief that asking for help or even offering people at work help is a sign of "weakness," it has incredible personal and social benefits.
3. 'I understand'
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We have a natural human desire to feel understood by other people in our lives, according to licensed psychologist Dr. Marjorie Schuman, that's often offered and accepted from a deeply intuitive and empathetic perspective.
When we soften our energy and use phrases like this, we not only give ourselves the grace to seek social support and guidance from others, we help others to feel more comfortable in our presence. Something simple like "I hear you" or "I understand you" can make all the difference for truly getting what you want.
4. 'Thank you for sharing'
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Experts from the University of Miami argue that expressing gratitude releases hormones in our brain that make us feel good. So, on a fundamental level, when we say "thank you" and give people the credit they deserve, we're also helping ourselves to feel more grounded and present.
By using a phrase like "thank you for sharing" in a conversation, we can tap into the benefits of gratitude on a smaller level, helping everyone to feel more comfortable expressing their opinions, asking for help, and connecting on a deeper level.
There's nothing wrong with softening your energy at work or in personal relationships to make conversations healthier, even if it means unlearning misguided beliefs about vulnerability to do so.
5. 'Tell me more about that'
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According to a study from the Journal of Research in Personality, people feel more comfortable, happier, and less anxious when they're heard and respected in conversations. There are a number of ways to cultivate mutual respect or help someone feel heard in a conversation, but a phrase like this — that crafts space for people to share their opinions and talk about themselves — is the way brilliant people soften their energy to get what they want.
Focus on actively listening to people when you enter a conversation, asking thoughtful questions, using open body language, and nonverbal cues to craft a safe space. When it comes to advocating for what you want and expressing your needs, the other person is far more likely to offer up that same respect when you do it first.
6. 'I appreciate hearing your perspective'
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What many people get wrong about conversations with people who have differing perspectives or opinions is the need to be on the defensive. It's possible to offer people respect and empathy, even if you don't agree with what they're saying.
From parents having conversations with their adult children to co-workers speaking with a boss, using a phrase like "I appreciate hearing your perspective" can make all the difference in finding compromise.
7. 'Would you be open to the possibility of...'
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Instead of bluntly telling someone what to do or being overly direct and harsh about what they desire, phrases brilliant people use to soften their energy to get what they want revolve around a kind of basic kindness and understanding.
Ask someone if they'd be willing to consider your perspective. If you already crafted a safe and comfortable experience for them to do the same, chances are they'll be willing to do the same for you.
8. 'Here's what I'd like'
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Sometimes, the most brilliant way to get what you want is to simply ask for it. Of course, there are ways to soften your language — using a phrase like this — and pick the right moment to express what you want, but you'll never open up the possibility without being direct.
Even in the workplace, communicating your needs to your boss can put it on their radar, at the very least, helping you to stay in their mind when new opportunities arise or there's a chance for you to grow. At home or in relationships, the same is true. You can't expect the people in your life to read your mind.
9. 'I understand where you're coming from'
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Social worker and life coach Lyssa deHart argues that empathy helps us to be the best version of ourselves. Putting ourselves in another person's shoes and making an effort to understand them in conversation grows our emotional intelligence.
Many of the phrases brilliant people use to soften their energy to get what they want require this kind of emotional intelligence to ensure they're collaborating toward a shared goal, rather than simply telling someone to do what they want.
Making someone feel heard and understood in a conversation is the key to sparking that collaborative energy, even if it's your idea or goal you're working toward.
10. 'I want to make this work'
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According to law professor Charles B. Craver, negotiation and getting what you want is only possible when there's a compassionate, safe, and considerate space to get there. Whether it's a work meeting or a conversation with a partner, expressing basic kindness and consideration with a phrase like this is key to working from the same team.
We all get so caught up in our heads, feeling like we need to "game the system" or trick people into following our ideas or getting what we want that we discount the power of empathy. Many people want to help us, but only if they feel safe and supported in doing so in our presence.
11. 'Do you have any feedback for me?'
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According to Carol S. Dweck, in her book "Mindset: The New Psychology of Success," your mindset and how you see yourself can have a direct impact on the kinds of social interactions and conversations you have, including how productive they are.
"The view you adopt for yourself profoundly affects the way you lead your life. It can determine whether you become the person you want to be and whether you accomplish the things you value," Dweck said.
When you relay a sense of open-mindedness in your conversations, reminding the other person, with a phrase like this, that you're willing to shift your mindset and even adopt some of their unique advice, you make them feel heard and valued. Asking for feedback, help, and advice urges people to perceive us as more confident and competent, ensuring they're comfortable enough to help us get what we want.
Zayda Slabbekoorn is a staff writer with a bachelor's degree in social relations & policy and gender studies who focuses on psychology, relationships, self-help, and human interest stories.
