11 Confident Behaviors People Think Are Brilliant But Are Actually Rude
Confidence isn't just about what you say, it's about how you act.
insta_photos | Shutterstock Confidence can get people anywhere in life if they use it to their advantage. Most confident people don't need to rely on intelligence to be seen as the voice of reason in a room or to attract people into their space. With a self-assured smile and a steady voice, even the most normal person can be viewed as a leader.
Unfortunately, in the quest to be seen as cool and collected, people often engage in behaviors that make those around them feel uneasy. From maintaining eye contact for too long to shaking hands firmly, there are very specific confident behaviors people think are brilliant but are actually rude. But all it takes to fix these behaviors is a little self-awareness.
Here are 11 confident behaviors people think are brilliant but are actually rude
1. Speaking bluntly
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There's nothing wrong with being blunt. Oftentimes, people depend too much on niceties to get their point across. Unfortunately, what was meant to be a kind letdown can turn into a complete misunderstanding, allowing their people-pleasing tendencies to get the better of them.
That said, being overly forward is one of the confident behaviors people think are brilliant but are actually rude. While telling it like it is, is a preferable approach, there's a huge difference between being overly blunt and simply being honest.
Licensed marriage and family therapist Alli Spotts-De Lazzer pointed out, "If a person boasts of being blunt, they may be telling you that they are not flexible about or open to opinions other than their own." She continued that blunt people believe in their own expertise and, as a result, place less importance on other people's opinions.
If someone wants to appear confident but not unkind, they should simply stick to honesty and refrain from making unnecessary comments. Not only will this make things clear, but it makes them look honest and confident without being cruel.
2. Dominating a conversation
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Having conversations with people can be stressful. From talking over one another by accident to not understanding what the other person is getting at, there are plenty of ways things can go wrong. But by dominating the conversation with another person, even if that person is a friend or family member, it's quite rude.
By not letting another person speak while talking to them, it appears controlling and demanding, but also shrouds the person in insecurity. On the flip side, people who are confident with themselves don't feel the need to get defensive or emotional. Instead, they allow the other person to express their opinion while calmly listening. And even if there's a disagreement, they hold space for the other individual and move on.
Licensed therapist John Kim LMFT explained, "Defensiveness is often a natural reaction that stems from factors such as fear, ego, or a desire to prove ourselves right." Knowing this, if someone close is getting increasingly defensive and dominant in a conversation, understand that it's not you — they're likely just doubting themselves secretly.
3. Giving unsolicited advice
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Whether it's a family member or a co-worker, there will always be someone who has a strong opinion about people's lives. At the moment, they might express these opinions because they want to help or believe they know better. But giving unsolicited advice isn't a good way to make a connection with someone, and makes a person appear unintelligent and impolite.
Giving advice without being asked is rude, but too many people continue to do this because they experienced the same treatment from their own family or friends. It's a constant cycle of "who knows better?" that can quickly grow exhausting as people feel unheard and misunderstood.
According to a study from the Journal of Social and Personal Relationships, feeling misunderstood often leads to higher stress, and lower life satisfaction and motivation. Before you give advice to someone who hasn't asked, take a step back and understand that they likely aren't looking for solutions, just someone to listen.
4. Refusing to change their mind
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While many people are stubborn about their views, usually by having a conversation with someone, they feel a little more open-minded. Unfortunately, purposely refusing to change your mind despite having the facts in front of you is one of the confident behaviors people think are brilliant but are actually rude.
Whether it's a debate on morals or a debate on what to eat, everyone has an opinion that they'll be hard-pressed to change. However, refusing to change their mind because they are self-assured in their decision is not only impolite, but indicative of poor problem-solving skills.
If someone is stuck in the mindset of "my way or the highway," it's important to find a middle ground. While sticking to their belief system is important, allowing others to express themselves and rethink their opinions is just as important.
Not only does this show how confident someone is, as they don't feel threatened by another person's opinion, but it also paves the way for better teamwork and connectedness in their personal and professional life.
5. Not breaking eye contact
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There's a popular idea that maintaining eye contact is an important way to showcase just how confident someone is. As a result, many people refuse to break eye contact when introducing themselves to someone or talking to a person they already know. But holding eye contact for too long is actually considered rude.
There's nothing wrong with maintaining eye contact. As a matter of fact, maintaining eye contact can actually be a good thing when done in a strategic way. According to research published in Cognitive, Affective, & Behavioral Neuroscience, eye contact can boost mood, improve connectedness, and can potentially help with child-parent bonds.
So, it's important to drop eye contact when someone is making it clear they are uncomfortable with their body language. Experts from Michigan State University suggest maintaining eye contact 50% while speaking and 70% while talking.
The next time someone wants to appear both confident and respectful, they shouldn't be afraid to hold eye contact for a reasonable amount of time. It makes both people in the conversation feel more comfortable while talking.
6. Using a firm tone
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Partners, friends, or co-workers aren't children; rather, they're grown adults who are more than capable of having a respectful conversation. But too many people fall into the habit of using a firm tone to assert dominance over others, making it seem condescending or something they would use to reprimand a child.
Many believe that using a firm tone distinguishes them as a leader and comes off as confident, unaware that it makes others feel disrespected and belittled. They may feel as if they're being scolded and disrespected, which leads to an increase in aggression, according to research published in the Journal of Experimental Social Psychology.
People should save themselves the headache and just talk to others normally, adult to adult. It creates a more lighthearted environment and avoids awkward misunderstandings or feelings of belittlement, which should always be the aim, regardless of who people have a conversation with.
7. Correcting other people in public
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It's one thing to correct friends or family members behind closed doors, but doing so in public and obnoxiously is one of the confident behaviors people think are brilliant but are actually rude.
On the surface, they might truly have the best of intentions. Not wanting to give out false information or not wanting their loved one to embarrass themselves, they'll quickly correct them to help them. Unfortunately, all this does is make the situation worse, as the other person begins to feel embarrassed and belittled.
Along with damaging a person's reputation by pointing out their mistakes, this behavior is extremely awkward and embarrassing. Instead of coming off as confident, the person correcting another can come off as a know it all, causing others to view them in an unfavorable light.
Instead of pushing this behavior to appear confident, people should first ask themselves if it's worth correcting someone in the first place. If so, does the correction need to be in public? The answer might vary depending on what the other person said.
For instance, if someone mistakenly gave out the wrong information about what day everyone should meet up, that's worth correcting, but politely. If the correction can wait, it's better to do it in private so the other person won't feel so uncomfortable.
8. Appearing indifferent and collected
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While appearing indifferent may make someone appear mysterious and confident, it's actually the opposite. People enjoy being around others who are warm and inviting. Their positive and confident energy attracts others and can create a large network of friendships and relationships.
However, people who are indifferent, cold, or always collected appear reserved to the average person. As a result, it makes it much harder for people to get close to them, let alone view them as confident, as their actions seem insecure or unsure.
According to a study from Frontiers in Psychology, indifferent people tend to have fewer social interactions, and fewer social interactions can lead to lower self-esteem. In order to appear confident, it's best to just be yourself.
9. Using complex words to appear intelligent
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When people want to seem intelligent, they may try to change their behavior and use more complex words and phrases. A lot of people do this depending on the circumstances. For example, if someone is presenting a project in an academic or work setting, using complex words might look better.
But in the grand scheme of things, using complicated words tends to confuse people even more. And according to a study published in Applied Cognitive Psychology, people who use complicated terminology are judged as less intelligent and are seen as more difficult to understand than those who talk normally.
People should aim to use words they are comfortable using, rather than trying to make themselves appear more intellectual, as doing this often results in the opposite happening. We should all try to expand our vocabularies, but not for the purpose of changing another person's perception of us.
10. Using a firm handshake
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A good handshake is usually considered incredibly polite and important in making connections, especially in a workplace setting. Unfortunately, using a firm handshake is one of the confident behaviors people think are brilliant but are actually rude, not to mention painful.
There's an old-school mentality that a firm handshake makes a good first impression. People, who want to be viewed as confident, unintentionally shake someone's hand a little too roughly, causing the other person to view them as rude for applying so much pressure.
While one study from the University of Alabama claimed that a firm handshake shows greater confidence and openness, there's a difference between a polite handshake and one that's a bit too strong. Though it might seem ridiculous, many people underestimate their own strength, unintentionally causing harm. As much as it goes against tradition, don't be afraid to loosen that handshake a little bit.
11. Standing up straight while crossing their arms
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Crossed arms isn't just poor body language, as it shows disinterest, but it can also be considered rude in the improper setting. And a combination of standing up straight and having crossed arms easily throws people off, making them view this person in a negative light.
Whether people mean to or not, crossing arms is usually a sign of defensiveness. According to a study published in Motivational Science, not only is it possibly seen as defensive, it's also a sign that someone wants to escape the situation or conversation immediately as they feel vulnerable.
Susan Krauss Whitbourne PhD, Professor Emerita of Psychological and Brain Sciences at the University of Massachusetts Amherst, said, "You communicate anxiety or boredom when your hands fidget and anger when you cross your arms tightly. If you place your arms akimbo, you can unintentionally look arrogant."
To fix this, Krauss Whitbourne recommends that people "find some neutral way to keep your hands and arms from getting in the way of the positive impression you want to make... When you're standing, you need to find a neutral way of letting your hands rest comfortably either at your sides or on some other convenient resting place."
Marielisa Reyes is a writer with a bachelor's degree in psychology who covers self-help, relationships, career, family, and astrology topics.
