11 Brilliant Ways To Avoid Snapping At Someone Who Absolutely Deserves It
You owe it to yourself to react in a way that you won't regret later.
GaudiLab / Shutterstock We’ve all had moments where someone made us so angry we imagined snapping at them and even causing them harm. However, we knew rationally if we had done so, we would spend the rest of your lives in a jail cell. Even after someone has upset us, the feeling lingers, and we often replay the situation, imagining how we could have handled it differently if we had snapped at them.
In most cases, the best way to handle the situation is to focus on yourself and your well-being by reacting calmly, and if you really dig deep, you will find brilliant ways to avoid snapping at someone who absolutely deserves it. Odds are, you will feel more at peace and they will continue living in misery and dragging others down with them who stoop to their level.
Here are 11 brilliant ways to avoid snapping at someone who absolutely deserves it
1. Take a deep breath.
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Before immediately reacting to someone who upset you, you owe it yourself to pause and take a slow, deep breath. This gives your brain a moment to process the situation without immediately responding in anger you may regret later.
While it may seem silly, stopping to be mindful of your breathing during heated moments actually works! Research has shown that engaging in activities that decrease one’s psychological arousal, such as deep breathing, are effective at reducing aggression and anger.
2. Count to 10.
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This is a classic technique for anger management for a reason. Taking a moment to count to 10, 20 or even 100 gives you time to cool down and gather your thoughts before reacting.
The reason this method works so well is because it emphasizes two integral parts to anger management: time and distraction.
When we pause and distract ourselves with a mental activity like counting, we allow the prefrontal cortex of our brains to override the response from our amygdala, or the part of the brain that's most closely associated with fear, emotions, and motivation. This prevents us from reacting impulsively.
3. Walk away.
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When someone upsets us one of the best things we can do is remove ourselves from the situation, not even giving them a reaction.
Taking a quick walk or stepping away for a moment allows you time and space to gain new perspectives, and return to the conversation more composed. Even just a short walk can make a big difference.
Research indicates that light exercise such as walking can significantly reduce stress and anger since the physical activity releases endorphins, also known as the mood-lifting chemical!
4. Focus on your body.
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When others upset you, sometimes they are looking for an emotional response out of you. Try your best not to give it to them by focusing on your own body, and conceal any characteristics that may convey your frustration.
Relax your shoulders, unclench your jaw, and try to soften your posture. When we relax our bodies physically, it can also lead to an emotional calmness.
Our minds and body are interconnected, and physical tension exacerbates emotional distress. By consciously relaxing our physical bodies, you send signals to your brain that you are calm and relaxed.
5. Silently repeat a calming mantra.
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In moments where you feel as if you're going to snap at someone, it may be helpful to focus on a calming phrase that grounds you. These mantras can look like, “This too shall pass” or “I am in control.”
Instead of reacting angrily to someone who may have upset you, try to have these mantras at the forefront of your mind. Repeating them to yourself can redirect your energy from anger to calmness.
6. Use humor to diffuse tension.
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If the moment is appropriate, it may be helpful to incorporate humor into a tense situation to break the tension. A light-hearted comment can establish a more positive tone, and maybe even get a laugh out of someone you were about to snap at.
A well-timed joke may even help you and the person who may have upset you handle your debate in a friendlier way.
7. Focus on what you can control.
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It is important to remember that only you have the power to control what type of reactions you’ll have. You cannot control the actions of those you may want to snap at.
Reminding yourself of the control you have in conversations can help you stay grounded. We can assure ourselves that we have the power to rise above those who may hurt us by reacting in a way that is healthy for us and us only.
8. Empathize with the other person.
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As difficult as it may be, trying to see where the person we want to snap at may be coming from can prevent you from acting impulsively. Try to put yourself in their shoes. Maybe they’re having a bad day. Maybe their poor behavior is the result of an underlying issue.
Whatever it may be, trying to empathize with them may help you see them in a different light where you don’t see them as insufferable and more human.
9. Remind yourself of the consequences.
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Before you snap, try to imagine the potential fallout that may be a result of your actions. If you snap hard enough at your romantic partner, it may be the end of your relationship. If you snap at your boss, it may cost you your job.
You need to ask yourself if the consequences of your actions will be worth it in the end. The long-term impacts often outweigh the immediate release of anger.
10. Practice active listening.
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Instead of reacting angrily to someone, try to really listen to what they may actually be saying by actively listening to them. Active listening is a crucial communication technique that involves fully concentrating, understanding, responding to, and remembering what the other person is saying.
According to clinical psychologist Arlin Cuncic, MA, active listening techniques such as reflecting, asking open-ended questions, seeking clarification, and watching body language help you understand them better as a person, and empathize with them.
By staying present and engaged, you shift your focus from getting angry to understanding their perspective, which may calm you down from your initially fuming state.
11. Use ‘I’ statements.
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If you truly want to express your frustration at someone instead of snapping at them, it may help to use “I” statements. This helps avoid putting blame on the other person and presents a calm, non-confrontational tone to the conversation.
People may respond better to "I feel frustrated when this happens” rather than “You always make me so frustrated.”
It forces them to take a step back and consider how their actions make you feel rather than feeling like they’re being personally attacked.
Megan Quinn is a staff writer with a bachelor's degree in English and a minor in Creative Writing. She covers news and lifestyle topics that focus on justice in the workplace, personal relationships, parenting debates, and the human experience.
