11 Phrases Brilliant People Use To Instantly Stop Someone From Being Mad At Them
By listening with care and speaking with empathy, you can stop someone from being mad at you while respecting their anger.
Krakenimages.com | Shutterstock When someone is angry, their emotions can cloud their judgment, making it difficult for them to resolve issues rationally. When you say one of the calming phrases brilliant people use to instantly stop someone from being mad at them, you show empathy by acknowledging their feelings and demonstrating that you care about their perspective, which in turn helps the other person feel heard and validated. This can diffuse their anger and create a space for open dialogue.
Taking responsibility or even suggesting solutions not only helps you to understand their side, but also helps build mutual trust and respect. In the long run, these phrases can strengthen relationships, minimize conflict, and create a more positive environment.
Here are 11 phrases brilliant people use to instantly stop someone from being mad at them
1. ‘It seems this means a lot to you. Help me better understand your concerns.’
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By saying this you are validating their side of the argument and having them explain it further shows you are interested in knowing more about it. This approach shows empathy and encourages them to open up. Knowing where someone is coming from and asking them to explain their view point is a great way to help understand the issue at hand.
“Exposure to diverse perspectives not only reduces prejudice but also improves critical thinking and decision making,” says Mitchell B. Liester M.D. When you understand someone's perspective it allows you to find common ground and work toward resolving conflicts in a more thoughtful way.
2. ‘You’re not usually like this. What’s going on?’
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If someone is behaving out of character due to their frustration it might be best to ask them what is going on that has them so frazzled. If they’re not ready to talk about it yet, you can tell them to take their time and talk to you when they are ready. People tend to talk to others when they feel comfortable with them.
A study from Cornell University found that 79% of people had conversations with someone close, like a romantic partner, a friend, or a family member. This suggests that regular conversations are a significant part of people's daily social interactions, especially with those they have known for a long time. Nobody knows you better than those closest to you, who speak to you on a day-to-day basis.
3. ‘I can see you’re angry and I would feel the same in your shoes.’
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Saying that you understand is the first step of any relationship but the second step is trying to solve an issue that the two of you are having. This response helps to de-escalate the situation and invites you to work through the problem together rather than letting the anger or frustration drive a wedge between you. They are recognizing your anger which validates how you're feeling.
“When I see individuals or couples, I look for what they don’t talk about as much as what they do; often, the solution to their problem lies in what they are avoiding,” says Robert Taibbi L.C.S.W. By suggesting that you solve the issue together ensures that there is a cooperative and supportive approach instead of a more confrontational one.
4. ‘I am sorry for how things went down.’
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Offering a heartfelt apology can often break the tension between the two of you. Typically with this response one party is expressing regret or remorse about how a situation unfolded. This kind of apology usually acknowledges that the outcome was negative or hurtful. It also indicates that they’re open to reconciliation or a dialogue and how you respond will depend on where you are emotionally in the situation.
Researchers Ian C. Fisher, MS, MA and Richard M. Frankel, Ph.D., studied medical students and how they apologized to their patients if a mistake had occurred. They found that in order for the apology to feel complete an individual had to use four key elements: acknowledgment, explanation, regret or remorse, and reparation. Their study also found that the timing of the apology seemed less important than its completeness in determining how the recipient felt about the situation.
5. ‘I appreciate you sharing how you feel with me.’
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This response shows that you value their emotions and the effort it took for them to communicate their feelings. It creates a sense of validation and encourages continued honest communication. Expressing gratitude for their openness can build mutual understanding.
“Feelings have a stronger impact on bonding,” says Susan Heitler Ph.D. Verbalizing what someone is going through can provide clarity about what they are experiencing and why. This is the first step toward emotional processing and healing.
In situations of conflict, it allows both of you to express your perspectives clearly and it gives the other person a chance to respond which can lead to more constructive solutions.
6. ‘I’m really sorry if I came across that way, it wasn’t my intention at all.’
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A clarifying apology can help clear up misunderstandings between people. This kind of apology is an effort to clarify your intentions, showing that you didn't mean to upset them but recognize that it may have happened. It helps to acknowledge that you are apologizing and hopefully smooth things over with them. It also emphasizes that both sides are open to resolving any potential miscommunication.
“Try to rehearse the conversation in your mind before you speak.” says Loren Soeiro, Ph.D. ABPP. Miscommunications often happens out of impulsivity and when someone is angry they may say things that they regret at that moment. It’s best to plan out conversations in your head before regurgitating them back to someone.
7. ‘You were right, I could have handled it better.’
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Owning up to your part of the situation can make the other person feel more at ease. By saying this you’re acknowledging your mistake and taking responsibility for how you responded or behaved. It's a form of self-reflection where you recognize that your actions could have been improved, and you’re validating their perspective on things.
Iskra Fileva Ph.D. states that it is irrational to refuse to admit your own mistakes and what you end up with making yourself look worse to others than you would have had you insisted you were in the right in the situation. Sometimes it’s better to just accept defeat and move on.
8. ‘I may have misunderstood the situation.’
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Asking for clarification while expressing your intent to understand helps the conversation stay constructive. Many disagreements arise from misunderstandings or different viewpoints. When you say this phrase you're expressing humility and openness to the possibility that your perception or interpretation of what happened might not be entirely accurate.
It shows a willingness to reconsider your stance and it can help prevent escalation by opening the door to better understanding. “It takes a great deal of self-control not to retrace your steps and try to constantly explain yourself so that people might see you the way you see yourself,” says Cami Ostman, M.S. By misunderstanding a situation you also risk being misunderstood yourself.
9. ‘What can I do to make this right?’
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Making things right with someone involves a mix of acknowledging what went wrong, taking responsibility, and showing a willingness to repair the relationship. Recognize what happened and the impact it had on the other person. This shows that you’re aware of how your actions or words affected them.
Offering a solution can turn the situation around and show that you are willing to help. Let them know how you plan to avoid repeating the same mistake in the future. For example, “I’ve thought about how I can handle situations like this better next time, and I’m going to work on it.” This can show you’re committed to improving.
10. ‘I didn’t realize that upset you. I will be more mindful in the future.’
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Being more mindful in the future is a key part of improving relationships and avoiding repeating mistakes. Take a moment to think before you speak or act, especially in situations where emotions are involved. This can help you respond more thoughtfully rather than reacting impulsively. It also shows that you have self-awareness of the issue and are committed to changing your behavior.
Be aware of how your words and actions impact others. Think about the long-term effects of what you say or do, especially in sensitive situations. For example, if you're giving feedback ensure that it's constructive rather than critical or harsh. Being mindful isn’t about being perfect but, more about making an effort to be better.
11. ‘I value our relationship and I want to fix this.’
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Valuing a relationship and wanting to fix things shows a deep commitment to maintaining a meaningful connection. Reinforcing the importance of the relationship helps shift focus from the conflict to a resolution. Relationships require effort and the fact that you’re willing to take the necessary steps is already a positive sign of your commitment to repairing and strengthening the connection.
Communication is key when fixing things in a relationship. Be open about your feelings and encourage the other person to share theirs. Sometimes, fixing things requires patience. The other person may need time to process the situation and their emotions. Respect their space, but also show that you are there when they’re ready to talk.
Sylvia Ojeda is an author who has over a decade of experience writing novels and screenplays. She covers self-help, relationships, culture, and human interest topics.