10 Things Women Think Are Normal About Their Lives That Are Actually Not
Many of the experiences women have to live through on a daily basis aren't as normal as they should be.
Studio Romantic / Shutterstock Women are often told that certain life experiences are simply "the way things are." Because we exist in a male-dominated, a lot of these experiences, whether it's not being able to walk home alone at night, having to cover our drinks at a bar if we turn away for even a millisecond, or constantly feeling the need to apologize even when we haven't done anything inherently wrong but because it's just built into the experience of being a woman. All of these burdens, while normalized, are only things that reflect broader issues affecting women.
It's gotten to the point where women don't even blink twice when they're confronted with these moments of double standards and unspoken pressures and expectations of having to shrink themselves just to adhere to outdated norms. But while we may not question these things yet, hopefully, we can start.
Here are 10 things women think are normal about their lives that actually are not
1. Needing to over-explain yourself
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Women often feel the need to justify their actions, decisions, or thoughts. This stems from a societal expectation that women need to always be agreeable and accommodating instead of standing firmly in the things they believe in because they've been conditioned not to rock the boat. However, it doesn't have to be something that women have to keep doing.
"The act of overexplaining is often a defense mechanism and stress response that comes from that fear of needing to 'explain' oneself out of trouble. In the past, explaining may have worked to diffuse the situation or prevent upsetting the perpetrator," explained psychotherapist Kaytee Gillis, LCSW.
Instead, women should practice being more direct and unapologetic, especially when it comes to things they feel strongly about.
2. Struggling to relax without guilt
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Even if you have nothing to do and no responsibilities, your mind may still be racing, trying to figure out a way to be productive when you really don't have to be. From a young age, women are taught to prioritize everyone else's needs above their own. This deep-rooted feeling of guilt when you're trying to relax is simply a reflection of the expectation that a woman's worth is tied to the things that she can get done in a single day.
There are so many benefits to actually relaxing, including reduced anxiety symptoms and improved self-esteem. So, when you're depriving yourself of the chance to kick your feet up and not have to worry about anything, you're slowly making life harder for yourself.
3. Shutting down when conflict arises
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Many women are raised to always be the peacemakers in any moment of tension or conflict. They're told that rocking the boat is not "very ladylike," and therefore, in moments of conflict, many tend to simply bury their head in the sand and attempt to deflect from actually having to talk about how they're feeling.
"Arguments are not inherently negative experiences. They help us understand ourselves better and develop skills that we would not be able to otherwise. Shutting down during conflict might help you feel better temporarily, but never engaging in conflict can defer its resolution indefinitely," explained psychologist Mark Travers.
With awareness and practice, women can start to slowly unlearn this need to always be accepting things without protest, even if it's actually bothering them.
4. Over-apologizing for things that aren't your fault
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Over-apologizing is often an unconscious habit that many women have been conditioned to do. Even when something has happened, like they're walking down the steps and someone is walking up the same set of stairs, or they accidentally knock their elbow into the wall, somehow, women will automatically say "I'm sorry," even though it isn't their fault at all.
"A tendency to over-apologize may stem from an aversion to conflict. Apologizing can sometimes be a misdirected means of claiming responsibility to make a problem disappear–a preemptive peace-keeping strategy–regardless of whether or not you deserve blame in the first place," pointed out licensed social worker Melody Wilding, LMSW.
It's a learned habit that will only take time and patience to unlearn. There's nothing wrong with being empathetic and apologizing when you feel you've done something to hurt or inconvenience someone, but sometimes, it truly is out of your control.
5. Ignoring your needs to take care of others
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Many women would often prefer to cater to the needs of others because it means not having to confront their own feelings or emotions. Because they've been conditioned not to be selfish, it's gotten to the point where they may not realize that they're only doing themselves a disservice by not putting the same energy they put into others into their own personal growth and goals.
"Beware the double standard of being a caring spouse, parent, and friend while managing to neglect yourself, as though somehow you did not require the same level of care," insisted psychotherapist Richard B. Joelson, DSW, LCSW.
You simply cannot pour energy into other people when your tank is on empty. You'll soon burn yourself out, and then you not only can't be of service to others, but you can't be of service to yourself either.
6. Avoiding deep emotions by staying busy
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This behavior is often rooted in the expectation that women need to be constantly keeping themselves busy and distracted as a way to avoid having to confront any painful emotions they're feeling. Instead, they'd rather juggle their careers, household duties, relationships, and family matters because it means never having to actually sit down and be in tune with how they're feeling.
It's not only unhealthy but also unsustainable because, after some time, constantly pushing your emotions to the side will not make them go away. They'll end up manifesting in other ways, which will make it worse when you finally decide to address them.
7. Struggling to set boundaries
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Saying 'no' is something that some women may struggle with because they may not want to cause any unnecessary tension or conflict by having boundaries. Instead, they want to please others because of this pressure to always be easygoing and accommodating. However, this only makes it difficult for them to advocate for their own needs because they're always letting others walk all over them.
This constant need to prioritize others' comfort over their own will only be doing them a disservice in the long run because it reinforces this idea that their needs are simply not as important and never need to be addressed.
8. Feeling unsafe in public spaces
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For many women, having to navigate existing in the real world can be challenging because of all the precautions that we have to take. Whether that's always being aware of our surroundings or having to carry keys in between our knuckles when we're walking to our cars at night, these habits have simply become a normal part of being a woman.
However, safety should always be guaranteed, especially when we're simply just trying to go about our daily lives without feeling as if we need to be on guard and alert.
9. Unsolicited opinions on their bodies
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Existing as a woman means having to hear constant scrutiny, opinions, and criticisms about the way we look and how our bodies are. From a young age, we become incredibly aware of how we're being perceived and judged the second we walk into a room. It's gotten to the point where we sometimes don't even blink an eye when we're put in a situation where someone feels entitled to comment on a body that they aren't even living in.
That's why it's important to really set boundaries and be assertive when someone feels the need to point something out about your body that they have no right to do in the first place.
10. Being told to 'smile more'
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One of the most common experiences of womanhood is having someone, usually a man, leering at you as you walk down the street and yelling about how you should "smile more." Most of the time, women don't even falter when this happens because of how ingrained this interaction has become in their daily lives.
But, this belief that women should be smiling comes from this expectation that women need to always be friendly and talkative to everyone, especially men. It's as if we're not allowed to have a bad day, and it's incredibly frustrating to have to exist in a world where our emotions are constantly being policed and scrutinized.
Nia Tipton is a staff writer with a bachelor's degree in creative writing and journalism who covers news and lifestyle topics that focus on psychology, relationships, and the human experience.
