10 Habits That Separate Truly Attractive People From The Gross Ones, According To Research
Simple-but-effective habits the most attractive people have that attract admiration and respect.
Taylor | Unsplash Have you ever wondered what makes some people instantly attractive while others struggle to connect with those around them? It turns out that likability is not just about physical appearance or charisma, but rather a set of attitude habits that anyone can cultivate.
The attractive habits we cultivate, intentionally or not, profoundly impact how others perceive us. By shifting our focus inward — challenging our limiting beliefs and fostering self-awareness — we become more attractive to others and cultivate a stronger relationship with ourselves.
Here are the habits that separate truly attractive people from gross ones:
1. They embody dignity
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How on earth do you embody dignity? You allow dignity to rise into your top five personal life values.
Once there, you allow your top value to infect your style. Philosophy affects behavior. We all need a personal compass.
No one else can mess with that. Look around you at everyone else running around being embarrassing and undignified on the Internet. Find your dignity, cherish it, and act like you own it — because you do.
2. They make the first move
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It’s normal to hold back a little and wait to see what others do before taking a step. It’s a built-in mechanism that often protects us from making irreversible mistakes. But this dynamic has come with a cost.
The fourth in line won’t get the worm. Opportunities are closely tied to early, assertive, and bold action. If, for example, you got a little tug of joy in your stomach thinking about how cool it might be to… for God’s sake follow that instinct.
Make the move, even if you don’t have all the information yet. Everything remarkable began with a seed of thought that said, ‘Maybe I should just do it, but it feels a little icky.’
Making the first move can offer several advantages, including establishing agency, setting the tone for interaction, increasing perceived attractiveness, and potentially leading to greater relationship satisfaction.
Research from the American Psychological Association (APA) explains that it demonstrates confidence, initiative, and a proactive approach to pursuing what you want. While making the first move can be seen as a sign of confidence, focusing on genuine connection and shared interests is crucial rather than solely pursuing someone based on appearance.
3. They move a little slower
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Fidgety movements pitch you as a little on edge, and on edge is closer to out of control.
Think of this as a loop that affects self-perception. When we slow down, we can take in information at a more ready pace, and we feel more in control.
We will calm down and realize our inner cool. Others will calm down too, and this is admirable.
4. They are unreasonably upbeat
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When most people sport RBF, you turn a blind eye. Just because everyone else operates as though under the direct mentorship of Stalin on a bad day, doesn’t mean you can’t find a way to lighten up.
Be the guy who lifts the mood in your quirky way. And if some bellend doesn’t like it, that’s on them. Perhaps she didn’t get the memo that acting as though in a good mood, you do better — and it lifts others too. That’s leadership.
Having a positive outlook offers a range of advantages, including improved stress management, enhanced resilience, increased creativity, better social relationships, improved physical health, and greater overall life satisfaction.
A 2020 study found that this is mainly due to the positive impact on brain chemistry and cognitive function when experiencing positive emotions like joy and hope.
5. They give unexpected compliments
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What happens if you continually tell people how great they are? They become numb to your support. It’s no longer rare and unexpected.
So do the opposite. Be sparing with your pleasant observations on others, but when you bring them out, they will be felt more deeply.
Find something to compliment most people miss — that thing that requires looking a little closer. They’ll never forget it.
6. They nurture their range of skills
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Being a specialist is so 2007. Being a master at only one thing sounds cool, but it is precarious in a chaotic modern age. You diversify your investments, so why not diversify your skillsets?
Instead of working merely to earn money, how about working to learn a range of things? You can still master one thing but also be competent in many others. Apply this to your income streams, too.
There’s safety and self-sufficiency built into this approach, but it also makes you a renaissance person — hugely valuable and admirable. Nurturing your skills is considered highly advantageous as it fosters a growth mindset.
A 2013 study concluded that this mindset leads to increased self-efficacy, resilience in the face of challenges, improved adaptability, higher self-esteem, and a greater sense of personal accomplishment. It stems from the belief that abilities can be developed through effort and practice rather than solely based on innate talent.
7. They don't obsess about themselves
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Newsflash: the world doesn’t revolve around you. Your past is in your past. Let go. The greatest relief for you will come in realizing that no one is paying as much attention to you as you think they are.
You stall yourself thinking you must have everything sorted before doing something with your short life.
You don’t. You can act broken. Let go for a change and build something that inspires (I’m not kidding).
8. They're low-key generous
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When I see someone do something charitable on Instagram or YouTube, I think it’s nice, but it doesn’t grab me. It’s overt. It’s not subtle.
Any act of charity in which the giver knows they’ll be on display isn’t all that special. When you’re generous in a low-key way, without expecting anything in return — now that’s interesting.
Think of some stand-out hospitality experiences. Maybe they left expensive chocolates on the bed. Or perhaps someone who gave you a lift home without expectation. That’s memorable.
According to a 2017 study, being generous offers various advantages, including increased happiness, improved self-esteem, stronger social connections, reduced stress, and potential health benefits. The act of giving releases feel-good chemicals like dopamine and oxytocin in the brain, essentially making you feel good about yourself and your actions toward others.
For generosity to have the most positive impact, it should be done with genuine altruism and not with the expectation of receiving something in return.
9. They don't make victimhood their identity
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The modern world loves it when its citizens rely on external bodies to come and save them. They love it when you struggle. Complaining is like raising a little orange flag that says, ‘I give in! Come and save poor little me.’
Don’t speak your struggles into existence. Sure, enjoy the odd moan with a chum at the pub, but don’t make victimhood your identity. A funny thing happens when we decide to step up and be strong. We feel it. And that strength will feed into assertive action.
10. They just get on with it
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It’s rare these days, but I love seeing people screwing up their faces in cafes as they plan out their lives in notebooks. But after a time, if all you do is plan and never execute, my admiration for you will wane. Action is in a different geography from planning.
Doing foolish things for the sake of being an action-taker isn’t wise. But there are ways to incorporate more minor actions — like little tests — so you find your feet. That’s how to create momentum. Every answer you’re looking for is found on the other side, just give it a try.
Research by The University of Wisconsin explained that this promotes a sense of agency, reduces anxiety from indecision, boosts self-efficacy, and can lead to a more positive emotional state by achieving tangible progress. It acts as a form of action-oriented coping against procrastination and overwhelm.
While just getting on with it can be beneficial in most situations, there are times when careful planning or seeking additional information might be necessary before taking action.
Alex Mathers is a writer and coach who helps you build a money-making personal brand with your knowledge and skills while staying mentally resilient. He's the author of the Mastery Den newsletter, which helps people triple their productivity.