11 Behaviors That Seem Rude But Are Actually Signs Of Neurodivergence, According To Research
Everyone's brain is wired differently, and what may seem rude to you may feel perfectly appropriate to someone else.
GaudiLabs / Shutterstock There are many behviors our society typically considers to be rude, but for people whose brains are wired somewhat differently, these same actions may simply be what comes naturally. Traditionally, societal standards have been established by neurotypical people — meaning people whose brains "function in a similar way to most of their peers." And what their standards fail to acknowledge is that there are many behaviors that may seem rude but are actually signs of neurodivergence.
We now know that somewhere between 15-20% of the world's population is neurodivergent, with conditions such as dyslexia, dyspraxia, ADHD, autism, dyscalculia, and Tourette’s syndrome. For these individuals, some commonly disliked ways of being or speaking are far more comfortable than those society would consider more appropriate.
Here are 11 behaviors that seem rude but are actually signs of neurodivergence, according to research
1. Avoiding eye contact
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Many neurodivergent individuals, especially those with autism, have difficulty maintaining eye contact with people during conversations. Even though neurotypical people perceive eye contact as a sign that someone is listening to you and demonstrating respect, neurodivergent individuals may avoid eye contact due to sensory sensitivity and difficulty processing social cues.
One study found differences in the brain activity of autistic people and neurotypical people during periods of eye contact. According to the study, the dorsal parietal region of the brain was less active during eye contact in autistic people than in neurotypical people.
When neurodivergent people avoid eye contact, they do not think of themselves as being rude. They may simply just be uncomfortable and unsure how to let a person know that they are interested in what they have to say.
2. Interrupting others
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While cutting off someone else while they are speaking is often considered to be poor manners, people with ADHD and autism may struggle with impulse control and unintentionally interrupt conversations. This doesn’t necessarily mean that they are uninterested in what others are saying. They may just be so interested in the topic and want to contribute to the conversation by jumping in at inappropriate times.
“I don’t interrupt people because I think what they’re saying is irrelevant or boring. It’s actually the opposite. I interrupt because what they said triggered a thought and that thought feels like it needs to come out right this second,” Rachael Green, a writer diagnosed with ADHD, shared on Verywell Mind.
Since neurodivergent people’s minds are often racing with thought after thought, they may want to share one relevant to the discussion before it slips from their mind.
3. Talking excessively about a specific topic
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Hyperfocusing on particular topics or interests is common in neurodivergent individuals, and they may bring up the same topic in every conversation. Engaging with these topics and interests can be a way for them to express themselves and develop a sense of identity.
However, neurotypical people may find it irritating, boring and even rude if someone brings up the same topic over and over again. They may think that they are uninterested in any of their interests or what they have to share.
Ultimately, many neurodivergent people just enjoy having a passion and sharing it with others.
4. Being blunt or direct
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Neurodivergent people may struggle to understand social norms, including politeness. For example, if someone is discussing their weekend plans and a neurodivergent individual believes that the plans are boring, they may have no problem telling the person that and potentially offending them.
Their bluntness is often perceived as rude. However, neurodivergent people often struggle with understanding social cues such as implicit meanings and sarcasm, which can lead to misinterpretation and perceived bluntness.
Researchers suggest that neurodivergent and neurotypical individuals may speak differently, but have equally valid social languages. Neurodivergent people may just have a different way of saying things that can come across as impolite.
5. Not immediately verbally responding to people
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Let’s say someone is telling a neurodivergent individual a funny story about something that happened to them at work. While they may expect them to laugh along with them and say something like “That’s so funny!” they may just be met with silence.
Neurodivergent people often struggle with processing delays and social anxiety, making them slower to respond. They may familiarize themselves with generic responses to greetings like “How are you?” or questions like “How was your day?” but when they are met with a social dynamic they don’t encounter often, they may blank out.
While their behavior may appear as dismissive, neurodivergent people just may need more time to process during interactions before responding.
6. Speaking in a monotone voice
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This is a trait seen in some autistic people who are unaware of the social expectations for vocal variations. If someone is telling them exciting news, they may be caught off guard when they respond in a monotone voice, and could perceive it as a sign that they are not excited for them. However, this is often not the case.
For people on the autism spectrum, they may struggle with understanding and expressing emotions, negatively affecting communication. This can lead to a singular tone when they speak,” Jeremy Brown, the father of an autistic child shared.
“Everyone in the world has their own ways to communicate. For some people with autism, their voice may come across as monotone, which increases communication difficulties," he added. "It can lead them to struggle in society as people find their tone boring without listening to their words.”
Due to this communication difference, some neurotypical people may write neurodivergent people off as rude.
7. Struggling with personal space
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Neurodivergent people with sensory processing issues may unintentionally invade others’ personal space since they may not understand boundaries. They also may reject those who step into their personal space during an emotional moment, such as when someone else is trying to give them a hug to comfort them.
A study from Caltech found that 79% of children with autism “were less aware of being too close and more prone to personal space invasions" compared to their neurotypical peers. This lack of social awareness could consist of touching others in an unusual way, walking between people who are talking and being unaware of how loudly they were talking.
These behaviors often follow them into adulthood and may be perceived as rude. However, neurodivergent people often just have trouble with interpreting social norms just as personal space awareness, and do not realize when they are making others uncomfortable.
8. Inability to hide disgust or disinterest
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During social situations, some neurodivergent people may visibly show their disgust or disinterest in something at an inappropriate time. For example, if one of their friends enters the room with a new hairdo they don’t like, a neurodivergent person may scrunch their nose or have a visible reaction of disgust. Neurotypical people may view this as insensitive.
However, many neurodivergent people may be unaware that they are even visibly expressing their feelings, or believe that they are just being honest rather than rude. They often fail to understand that some reactions are designated for the privacy of your bedroom away from people instead of right in front of them.
9. Talking too loudly
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Neurodivergent people with sensory issues and social communication difficulties may not be aware of the volume of their voice and fail to understand how it may be rude to talk loudly in certain spaces such as the library or movie theater.
They may have a heightened sensitivity to sensory input, including sound. In some cases, they will stimulate their senses by talking loudly to drown out irrelevant noises and comfort themselves with the familiarity of their own voice. To them, it's not being rude. It's taking necessary measures to self-soothe in stressful situations.
10. Staring or focusing intently at others
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Neurodivergent people may unintentionally stare at others due to sensory processing differences or lack of understanding of social boundaries.Although this behavior may be perceived as threatening or rude, it is simply just a coping mechanism for many neurodivergent individuals.
They may be experiencing a sensory overload and draw their attentional focus to something or someone that could ground them.
11. Not acknowledging social cues
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In social situations, neurodivergent people may have hostile reactions to sarcasm, make a comment about someone’s appearance that could be perceived as hurtful, or fail to understand when it is time to wrap up the conversation.
Their unexpected behaviors could be interpreted as rude. However, since neurodivergent people do not think or communicate the same way as a neurotypical person might, they may just simply miss certain social cues.
Research indicates that neurodivergent brains may process social information differently than neurotypical brains, leading to vast variations on how social cues are interpreted and perceived.
Megan Quinn is a staff writer with a bachelor's degree in English and a minor in Creative Writing. She covers news and lifestyle topics that focus on justice in the workplace, personal relationships, parenting debates, and the human experience.