10 Phrases Brilliant People Use To Politely Say ‘You’re Embarrassing Yourself’
We all need someone who can kindly save us from life's embarrassing moments.
Cookie Studio / Shutterstock When someone tries to stop you from embarrassing yourself, it's often because they care about you and want to support you in what could trun out to be a difficult moment. We all do silly things from time to time, and when someone relates to the situation you're in, they can relate to how you feel and want to ease your discomfort. In these moments, brilliant people know that there are phrases they can use to polite say "You're embarrassing yourself" without making things even worse.
People who help you avoid embarrassment don't want you to feel bad, especially if they sense you're already getting upset or anxious. They help you by finding a way to normalize the situation and make it less awkward for everyone so it doesn’t feel like the focus is entirely on your mistake.
Here are 10 phrases brilliant people use to politely say ‘you’re embarrassing yourself’
1. ‘You’re drawing more attention to yourself than you may want to right now’
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When someone tells you that you're drawing a lot of attention to yourself, they might be trying to help you be more aware of how you're coming across. It could be a way for them to hint that you're being too loud, bold, or overly noticeable in a way that might not be ideal for the situation.
Barton Goldsmith Ph.D., stated that you need to set boundaries with individuals who have attention seeking behaviors.
“If you tolerate bad behavior, you will simply encourage it to continue happening,” says Goldsmith. It’s easier to give them a nudge to adjust their behavior without being harsh.
People will say that you are drawing attention to yourself to help you be aware of your surroundings and adjust if you’re being too 'extra' in a situation where being more low-key would be better.
2. ‘Maybe you should tone it down a bit’
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If you’re dominating the conversation or speaking over others, then they may suggest that you give others more space to contribute within the conversation. This will make the balance of the interaction feel more comfortable for everyone. They might be concerned that your behavior could be perceived as too much by others and they want to prevent you from standing out in a negative way.
“People are more sensitive to tone than to the explicit content of spoken or written language.” said Rick Hanson Ph.D. That is why it is important to talk to people with a nice tone rather than a harsh one. You might be able to convince them to simmer down if you are polite about it.
People who are very animated, loud, or enthusiastic, might feel that you’re overwhelming the situation or drawing too much attention to them but really it is their own behavior.
3. ‘You seem a little out of your element right now’
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The person might perceive that your behavior or attitude doesn't quite align with the context or environment you're in. This could be in a social gathering, work situation, or an activity you're new to. They might feel that you're in an unfamiliar environment or doing something you're not used to, and it's making you appear unsure or awkward.
Asking for someone’s advice at work can be simple with the right terminology, according to Dr. Laurence J. Stybel. For example, instead of saying “What do you think?” say “This is an area where you have experience. I’m reaching out to you for a second opinion.”
It's just a way of expressing understanding that the situation might be challenging for you and you're not in your typical role or element.
4. ‘I think it's time to shift gears’
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If things are feeling too intense, awkward, or forced, then it’s better to encourage a change in the direction of the conversation or activity to make it feel more comfortable and effortless. The person making things awkward might feel that you're using an approach that isn't quite working or doesn't match the vibe of the moment. If the conversation or situation is becoming stagnant, then you could suggest a change of pace to move things forward in a way that feels more organic.
According to Beth Kurland Ph. D., the first step into shifting perspectives is to notice by interpreting the situation. In other words before judging them outright take a moment to ask if it’s them or you that has a problem. Then assess the situation accordingly.
Shifting gears could simply mean helping them to adjust their behavior, attitude, or style to better fit the environment better.
5. 'A little break would be good right about now’
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If the situation feels tense then taking a break can help ease the pressure and allow you to return to the situation feeling more at ease. A break can help take them out of the spotlight for a short while, so the focus shifts away from them and the embarrassing moment, helping everyone to move on more smoothly.
Research shows that taking breaks can actually help our performance if we are stuck or need fresh ideas. Doing different things while on breaks may extend periods of attention and inspire new ways to approach a situation.
People might notice that you're feeling overwhelmed by embarrassment and suggest a short break to give you time to relax, breathe, and regain your confidence.
6. ‘Can you stop, please?’
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Sometimes when we're embarrassed, we can get caught up in the emotions, leading to more stress or anxiety. If you're getting visibly upset or flustered, suggesting a moment to breathe can help diffuse the tension for you and for those around you so that you can recover from the moment without making it feel worse.
Telling someone to ‘please stop their behavior' seems pretty straightforward but many people have a hard time changing who they are. Amanda L. Giordano Ph. D., LPC, states that using “motivational interviewing” can help “an individual voice their own reasons for change and motivate themselves into action.” Many want to change when they want to but asking nicely to stop never hurts either.
By being polite you are offering emotional support which lets you know that it's okay to take a step back and that they're there for you during the awkward moment.
7. ‘It might be helpful to dial it down a little’
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Sometimes, the more we react to a situation, the more attention it attracts. By ‘dialing it down,’ they might be suggesting that a more measured approach will help the situation settle faster and prevent further discomfort. They could gently be guiding you to adopt a more understated approach, so you don’t draw too much focus on the mistake or awkwardness.
Remember that people try to help you in subtle ways before big emotions get involved. Maybe it’s best to leave our egos at the door. “Egocentric perspective-taking also contributes to our tendency to inflate our problems and diminish the problems of others,” says Domonick Wegesin Ph. D. When you step back from a situation you will see things more clearly.
When someone tells you to ‘dial it down’ they are likely trying to offer a subtle suggestion to ease the situation and help you avoid making things feel more uncomfortable.
8. ‘No one’s judging you’
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They might sense that you’re feeling self-conscious or anxious about how others are perceiving you, and they want to remind you that people are likely not focused on your mistake or awkwardness as much as you think. By telling you no one is judging, they’re trying to help you relax and stop overthinking the situation, allowing you to move past the embarrassment more easily.
A study from Switzerland found that individuals who judged others had high emotional intelligence traits. They sympathized with those that they judged despite judging their behaviors.
It’s a way of helping you see that you're not being judged harshly for something small and human.
9. ‘Don’t worry, everyone has those moments’
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Embarrassing moments can feel really awkward, and the person might be trying to lighten the mood and help you feel more relaxed, so the situation feels less intense. They want to reassure you that embarrassing moments happen to everyone, no matter who they are. By saying this, they’re reminding you that you're not alone, and these things are a natural part of life.
According to Susanna Newsonen of Psychology Today, about “85% of the things we worry about never happen.” This is why people shouldn’t feel embarrassed about things that they can’t change. After all life is uncertain and things will randomly happen to you.
By saying ‘everyone has those moments,’ they may be encouraging you to brush it off and move forward, rather than getting stuck in the discomfort of the moment.
10. ‘Are you sure you want to wear that?’
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Saying this might be a way for them to gently point out that your clothing might not be suitable for the situation or might be making you stand out in a way you didn't intend. It's often said with the intention of helping you avoid feeling more awkward.
If you're in a setting where your clothing seems out of place, they might be suggesting that your outfit might be causing you to feel embarrassed because it doesn't match the expectations of that environment.
They might be trying to offer constructive feedback in a lighthearted way, without intending to be rude, but simply as a way to help you feel more comfortable or confident.
Sylvia Ojeda is an author who has over a decade of experience writing novels and screenplays. She covers self-help, relationships, culture, and human interest topics.