11 Behaviors That Seem Normal But Actually Mean Someone's Taking Advantage Of You
It's not normal to have a partner who treats you this way.
Austin Human | Unsplash A solid relationship calls for mutual appreciation and respect. If one person is putting in all the work while the other sits back and takes without giving anything in return, it could be a disturbing behavior that means someone's taking advantage of you.
Sometimes, it's obvious when you are being taken for granted, or when your love is not appreciated by your partner. Other times, it's not so easy to tell if your partner is taking advantage of you — and we start to normalize problematic behavior. It's only natural for the partner who's feeling undervalued to gain resentment and animosity, as people want to feel appreciated and cared for when in a relationship.
But there are plenty of signs that that's not the case. Your partner can show they're taking you for granted in subtle ways, which might be hard to miss if you're very infatuated or in love with them.
If you think your partner might not be reciprocating your feelings or gestures, it's time to stand up. Here are some signs that you're being taken for granted, or that your partner likes to take advantage of your love.
The 11 behaviors that have been normalized but actually mean someone's taking advantage of you:
1. They never thank you
Dr. Tarra Bates-Duford, a forensic psychologist specializing in familial dysfunction and traumatic experience, and a marriage and family therapist and certified relationship expert, explains that if your partner doesn't ever thank you for doing favors or being a great partner, they're not appreciating you for all you're worth.
Likewise, if your partner never acknowledges any of your personal sacrifices for him/her or the relationship, it's a red flag, too.
2. They make huge demands
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If they're making some big demands, like making you spend excess time with them, forgo certain relationships or connections, or prioritize their interests over yours without reciprocating, ditch them now.
"If your partner expects and often demands that you contribute more to the relationship than he/she is willing to do, it's a major sign of underappreciation," says Bates-Duford.
When someone consistently makes enormous, unreasonable demands on you, particularly when they disregard your needs or boundaries, it can be a strong indicator that you are being taken advantage of, often linked to manipulative or exploitative behaviors within a relationship. If necessary, a 2023 review recommended reducing interaction with the person taking advantage of you.
3. They make all the plans
If your partner is busy making plans for the two of you without consulting you first and then makes a fuss if you try and arrange something that they may not be super interested in, it's a clear sign that they're taking you for granted, explains Bates-Duford.
Instead, you should both be discussing plans and compromising to see inside each other's world as a couple.
4. They don't care to learn about you
If your partner has no interest in trying activities you love or sharing in moments that matter to you, they're taking you for granted, says Bates-Duford.
Plus, if you keep inviting them to spend time with your friends or family and they refuse because they want to be around their network, it shows a selfish disinterest that won't progress your relationship.
When someone consistently shows a lack of interest in learning about your life, thoughts, and experiences, it can be a strong sign that they are not invested in a genuine connection with you and could be taking advantage of your time or kindness. An American Psychological Association (APA) study found that a healthy relationship involves mutual curiosity and a desire to understand each other more deeply.
5. Your partner spends more time with others
If your partner only makes time for friends and no date nights (and just chooses to spend less time with you overall), it means they don't fully value or appreciate quality time with you, the relationship, and the commitment, Dr. Wyatt Fisher, licensed psychologist and marriage counselor, explains.
6. They refuse to compromise
Relationships require equal work and compromise to make both people happy and to show a willingness to adapt and care for each other. However, if your partner is refusing to compromise on both big and little issues and is always set in their ways, it shows they just string you along without thinking of you as a valued factor in the matter, says Fisher.
When someone consistently refuses to compromise in a relationship or situation, it can strongly indicate that they are taking advantage of you. A 2015 study found that this behavior displays a lack of consideration for your needs and a focus on achieving their own goals, often at your expense.
7. You always feel guilty
If your partner is always making you feel insecure, they're probably treating you with inadequate appreciation.
"If you're constantly feeling guilt — the feeling you may be hurting or harming someone else, especially in the absence of doing anything intentionally hurtful — a person may be taking advantage of your sensitivity and compassion for others," Carrie Krawiec, LMFT, says.
8. They take forever to text you back
"If your partner used to respond very quickly to messages or always answered calls but have been less responsive lately, that's another sign they might be taking you for granted," Anna Morgenstern, dating coach and matchmaker, explains.
If the communication has waned, they aren't keeping you at the top of their minds. And they should be!
Research from a 2012 study on communication patterns, power dynamics, and the psychology of manipulation supports the idea that consistently delayed responses can indicate a lack of respect or a power imbalance in a relationship. This can signify being taken advantage of, especially when coupled with other behaviors.
9. They aren't affectionate
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If your partner is less affectionate than usual, it's also a sign they're taking you for granted. Besides, that spark should still be there in a happy relationship.
"Physical touch is really important in a relationship, and it helps reassure both people that the connection is still there," says Morgenstern. "When that starts to decrease, it can cause the other person to feel hurt and confused and definitely taken for granted."
10. They criticize your quirks
Maybe your partner used to love the way you chewed your gum or how you laughed during a movie, but if now it's an annoyance, they're not appreciating you for you the way they used to.
"You might notice your partner finding your little quirks less cute. They might even annoy them. That's definitely a sign they are taking you for granted," says Morgenstern.
Excessive criticism of someone's unique traits, especially in a manipulative or controlling manner, can signify an unhealthy power dynamic in which one person takes advantage of the other. A 2020 study found that this is often linked to concepts like low self-esteem, manipulation tactics, and a lack of respect for personal boundaries. What might be considered a harmless quirk to one person could be seen as a significant issue by another, so understanding the individual's perspective is crucial.
11. They never include you in plans
If you've never been invited to a night out with friends or when the family comes in for a visit, it means they don't value you as an important enough person in their life that they want around and want people to know better, explains Morgenstern.
You should be with someone who wants to make you a part of their life and allow relationships to build to see a future.
Isadora Baum is a freelance writer and former contributor to PopSugar. She has appeared in Yahoo Entertainment, The Huffington Post, Insider Business, and more.