10 Behaviors Of Parents Who Raise Boys That Grow Up Lonely And Isolated, According To Psychology
We need to be more thoughtful about how we're raising our sons.
Alexander Grey | Unsplash Parents, we need to talk about something. What we need to talk about is the way we’re raising boys. Now, I know that you all definitely want the best for your sons and that you also want them to be amazing husbands for their future wives, right? I’m hoping you’re agreeing with me for the sake of future generations of kids.
If you’re like me, you’ve already seen a lot of men in your lives who weren’t raised right and grew up to be lonely, isolated adults.
These are men who will never have a wife or may just be too inept to function as adults. You do not want your little boy to turn into one of these, do you? Of course not. But as it stands right now, I’m seeing a lot more of our boys turning into these kinds of men. And we as parents have to stop it.
The best way to stop it is to nip those bad behaviors in the bud — and I mean both his bad habits and yours. Make no mistake about it: you may have good intentions, but if you notice these signs, you need to make a change in how you’re raising a son.
Here are the behaviors of parents who raise boys who grow up lonely and isolated:
1. You let him treat you badly
Does he berate you when you cook him dinner? Does he expect you to clean up after him, or tell you that it’s “woman’s work” to do housekeeping? If so, you have a serious problem on your hands, and you need to address it immediately.
You need to look at where he’s getting those ideas and see if you can curb that influence in his life. If it’s not a person, you may need to bring him into therapy. This kind of behavior is often a warning sign that he’ll commit acts of domestic violence against girlfriends.
2. You do his homework
Miljan Zivkovic / Shutterstock
I understand you want your son to succeed, but pushing everything out of the way isn’t what will give him the strength and character to make it in this life — professionally or personally. If anything, this kind of behavior makes him think that everything should be presented to him on a silver platter.
Worse still, you might be depriving him of necessary life skills like negotiation, mathematics, learning how to accept rejection, as well as learning how to recover from failure. Without those skills, life will run him over.
Parents excessively doing their children's homework can have several negative consequences, including hindering the child's development of crucial skills like problem-solving, time management, and self-reliance.
This could potentially lead to decreased motivation, academic anxiety, and a diminished sense of responsibility for their learning. According to a 2024 study, it can also take away the opportunity for the child to grapple with challenges and learn from their mistakes.
3. You tell him that he needs a good job to get a girlfriend
This, at first glance, does seem like good advice. But the problem is that we all know it’s not always about the money. But young boys don’t know this and some men grow up never learning otherwise.
What ends up happening with these guys is that they think that all women want is money, rather than love. Saying things along these lines may also make him think he’s entitled to women, and as we all know, no one is entitled to a spouse regardless of how much they make, how good they look, or what they do.
4. You give him empty praise
You praise him often but aren't warm. This dynamic has been noted as a key sign that you may be raising a child to become a narcissist. Both boys and girls need warmth from their parents to grow healthy and excess praise doesn’t do that.
Raising children without parental warmth can lead to a range of negative consequences, including low self-esteem, difficulty regulating emotions, struggles with social relationships, increased anxiety and depression, and a higher risk of developing mental health issues later in life.
A 2024 study concluded that a lack of warmth can hinder a child's emotional development and overall well-being.
5. You rely on him for emotional support
imtmphoto / Shutterstock
This is how you end up with Mama’s Boys. While it’s normal to have a closeness with your son, this isn’t normal. If you notice this pattern in your household, you need to get to therapy and book a session for your kid, too.
6. You expose him to dysfunction or abuse
Kids tend to copy the patterns that they see their parents having or going to have in the opposite extreme. If you’re abusing your husband, they may end up subconsciously choosing to do “preemptive strikes” against their girlfriends. If your husband is abusing you, your kids may end up thinking it’s normal to see guys hitting women or screaming at them.
Either way, if this rings true in your household, you need to leave for the sake of your kids. A dysfunctional spousal relationship can have significant adverse effects on children, often leading to increased anxiety, depression, behavioral problems, difficulty with social relationships, and lower self-esteem, with the severity of impact depending on the level and nature of the conflict within the marriage.
A 2017 study concluded that children exposed to high levels of parental conflict are particularly at risk for these issues. Younger children may be more vulnerable to the effects of marital conflict as they have less understanding of complex emotions and situations.
7. You treat him like the center of the universe
This habit is way, way too common with parents these days. Studies have shown that this tends to increase the chance of your son having Narcissistic Personality Disorder, Borderline Personality Disorder, or just really, truly awful entitlement issues. If he wants to have a happy, functional relationship in the future, your kiddo will need to learn that there are other people in the world.
8. You give in to every request or you deliver empty threats
Both of these are teaching your son that he can disrespect others and get away with it. Worse, it teaches him to take others for granted. Boundaries are a thing you need to learn, for his sake and yours.
Consistently giving in to a child's every request, often considered permissive parenting, can lead to adverse outcomes like difficulty with self-regulation, poor frustration tolerance, increased entitlement, and challenges with developing independence and decision-making skills in children.
A 2023 study found that children may struggle to learn how to manage their own needs and desires when faced with minimal boundaries or expectations. While consistently giving in to every request is generally considered detrimental, occasional flexibility and negotiation can be beneficial for building a positive parent-child relationship.
9. You’re so enmeshed with him that the thought of him living his own life without your guidance cripples you with fear
If you do things right as a mother when raising a son, there will be a time when he’s ready to move out and make his own decisions. If you find yourself sabotaging his ability to live his own life without you, you’re slowly turning him into a Failure To Launch.
Trust me when I say that no woman will want to deal with a man like that (or a mother-in-law like you) in the future.
10. You blatantly ignore glaring red flags
You keep having to explain away alarming calls you’re getting from school about his bullying. Cops keep showing up at your house and you keep bailing him out.
His tantrums are really out of control, but you don’t want to get help. For your safety’s sake and his future’s sake, do something about this. Help is available if you ask for it.
Ossiana Tepfenhart is a writer whose work has been featured in Yahoo, BRIDES, Your Daily Dish, New Theory Magazine, and others.