11 Brilliant Phrases Highly Intelligent Women Use At Work That Other People Think Are Rude
There's no denying the double standard women still face in the workplace.
Drazen Zigic | Shutterstock In the workplace, it's often confident, intelligent, and assertive women that bear the brunt of the consequences of outdated norms. According to a study published in Psychological Science, there are even links between perceptions of rudeness alongside gender biases, encouraging women to adopt quieter, more complacent, and agreeable tendencies to protect their job security, income, or comfortability.
However, many of the brilliant phrases highly intelligent women use at work that other people think are rude are essential to their well-being, helping them to set boundaries, be productive, and avoid being taken advantage of by peers who intentionally operate alongside rigid gendered stereotypes. By recognizing some of these (sometimes subconscious) gendered biases, we're not only more productive, but more intentional about uplifting and empowering women workers in an equitable way.
Here are 11 brilliant phrases highly intelligent women use at work that other people think are rude
1. 'I'm qualified to handle this'
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Many of the brilliant phrases highly intelligent women use at work that other people think are rude are subtle, considering they often pass as indicators of competence for men in the same positions.
According to philanthropist and technology executive Sheryl Sandberg, highly intelligent women in the workplace don't simply adopt more agreeable and inferior positions to appease the people they're working with; instead, they rework their demands, assertiveness, and intellect in a way that brings other people in.
Rather than saying "you need to do this" or "that's wrong" — phrases that are ironically perceived as "assertive" rather than "aggressive" for male leaders at work — they appease other people's comfort by making them feel like an important part of conversations and interactions.
While they'll still maintain their position of influence and ultimately get what they want, they can protect their job security, status, and influence at work by framing their assertiveness as passion intended to help others.
2. 'No'
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Many women are pressured to avoid saying "no" and advocating for themselves to be more digestible to men in the workplace and their peers. According to experts from the Connolly Counseling Center, this pressure can look incredibly different depending on the situation — from subtle passive-aggressive comments to larger accusations of ignorance and entitlement.
While men are allowed to, and often empowered and celebrated for, saying "no," women at work are deemed "difficult" or "rude." It's a double standard that's still present in the workplace, making it even more difficult for women to excel in their careers, advocate for themselves, and set appropriate boundaries.
3. 'I deserve more money'
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Research on salary negotiations and compensation in the workplace, published in the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, suggests that female workers are much less likely to negotiate their pay with a potential employer than men.
Of course, gender pay gaps are still keeping women from excelling financially to the same degree as men. But it's not their tolerance of this phenomenon that keeps them from asking; rather, it's misguided perceptions of their character.
When women negotiate their salaries or ask for a raise, they're perceived as rude, unlikeable, and "difficult to work with," compared to their male counterparts who are celebrated for being "tough and competent" in the same situations.
Of course, having the confidence to advocate for themselves and negotiate salaries is a trait that brilliantly intelligent women already have, it's just the response, as a result of toxic gender norms and lingering stereotypes, that's keeping them from reaping the benefits of their ambition.
4. 'Let's take a step back'
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Despite research that suggests that women leaders make work better for everyone — from productivity, to general well-being, and team comradery — many people, especially insecure men, feel threatened and intimidated by their commanding and assertive presence.
When highly intelligent women use phrases like "let's take a step back" or give their peers advice to be more productive, it's these same people who misguidedly label them as "rude," latching onto their own discomfort as an explanation for their perception.
While women are often urged to "people-please" and be agreeable towards everyone from a young age, as experts from the Connolly Counseling Center suggest, the brilliant phrases highly intelligent women use at work that other people think are rude are passionate, self-advocating, and assertive.
5. 'I'm here if you need help'
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Considering many people, especially men, hold a misguided opinion that asking for help is a sign of weakness or subordination, it's not surprising that this phrase — especially coming from a female peer or leader at work — can encourage people to misguidedly label them as rude.
Despite research, like a study published in Management Science, that argues people who ask for help are actually perceived to be more competent and intelligent than those who don't, women are consistently demonized for offering a helping hand or even giving advice at work in the face of insecure or defensive peers.
6. 'Let's come back to this conversation'
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While on a societal level, many people tend to believe they're consistently entitled to women's time and energy, there's a specific kind of colleague at work that tends to inappropriately characterize strong and intelligent women as "difficult and rude."
Taking on a very similar demeanor in their personal relationships, the "hurt man" who believes he's owed something by others for his past misfortunes — whether it's rejection in relationships or manipulation at work — often takes out his frustration on the people closest to him.
In the workplace, that energy can be directed towards a brilliant female boss, as he's triggered by a phrase like this that doesn't give them immediate access and space.
7. 'I appreciate your input, but I don't agree with you'
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On a very basic level, ensuring that people feel heard in the workplace is incredibly important, which is why highly intelligent women use phrases like this to both speak their mind and acknowledge effort from others in conversations. However, like a study conducted by Stanford University researchers argues, this same phrase can be perceived differently depending on who says it.
For men who use this phrase — setting boundaries and expressing their opinions — they're often deemed confident, assertive, and even passionate, while women are labeled as difficult, arrogant, aggressive, and rude.
There's no "right and wrong" way to be successful at work, especially for women who are constantly battling the benefits of self-advocacy and confidence in the face of toxic and disillusioning gender norms.
8. 'I don't feel comfortable with that'
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A study from Informatics in Medicine Unlocked found that people who set boundaries in the workplace are better equipped to handle the burnout associated with a poor work-life balance. However, many women are placed at an inherently disadvantage compared to their male colleagues who are celebrated for setting boundaries, encouraging them to overwork themselves and struggle with balance at disproportionate rates.
Many of the brilliant phrases highly intelligent women use at work that other people think are rude are the same ones that men are celebrated for in the same roles. Whether it's setting boundaries, expressing their concerns, or making a request, women are harshly judged and criticized for not appealing to other people's biases and comfort.
9. 'Let me communicate my expectations around this'
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When women use a phrase like "let me set my expectations," they're often immediately deemed rude, entitled, or assertive, especially in the face of misguided stereotypes encouraging women to be quiet and reserved.
Ironically enough, it's this kind of clear communication that workers and professional teams need to excel in the workplace, but only male leaders are celebrating in actually leveraging its benefits. Expressing intentions, setting expectations, and crafting appropriate boundaries at work is essential for everyone's success, so why are we still condemning women for doing so?
10. 'That's not acceptable behavior'
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Similar to the boundaries women are ridiculed for setting around work-life balance, many of the other brilliant phrases highly intelligent women use at work that other people think are rude to set boundaries around productivity or work on their teams are equally criticized.
Especially towards male employees — in positions with a woman leader — this kind of language can be offensive and feel like a direct attack, despite being an effective form of communication and discipline for male managers.
11. 'I have this under control'
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Many intelligent women have the capacity to succeed and achieve their work goals without help from men and peers, despite being taught from a young age that they're expected to appease and seek out external validation from others. By using a phrase like this in the workplace, it often takes a great deal of strength, unlearning those toxic gender stereotypes and expectations.
However, especially for female leaders in the workplace, gaining respect means taking charge and proving to skeptical people that they're capable of handling their responsibilities. Asking for help can be beneficial and important, but in the context of gendered double standards, it can occasionally be a detriment to the influence and power women yearn for at work.
Zayda Slabbekoorn is a staff writer with a bachelor's degree in social relations & policy and gender studies who focuses on psychology, relationships, self-help, and human interest stories.