11 Behaviors People Think Are Mysterious That Are Really Just Rude
Sometimes, behaviors may come across as curious, but they're actually quite impolite.
Look Studio | Shutterstock Everyone loves a good mystery. Sometimes, they can come from something as simple as the people we surround ourselves with. Some people just have a natural air of mystery about them, but how can you tell the difference between mysterious behavior and someone just being downright rude?
As behavioral analyst and trial attorney Wendy L. Patrick, J.D., PhD explained, it's easy to feel "intrigued" by someone who seems mysterious because the lack of actual facts you know about them "allows the imagination to run wild." However, it could also be one of the behaviors people think are mysterious that are really just rude. And this can spell trouble for relationships of all kinds, as being mysterious may signal a lack of interest.
Here are 11 behaviors people think are mysterious that are really just rude
1. Avoiding eye contact
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One of the most mysterious things a person can do is to avoid making direct eye contact with those they're with. It makes you wonder what they're thinking about and what has them so distracted. But that's just the problem, isn't it? They're distracted when they're supposed to be focusing on someone or something.
According to the Massachusetts Institute of Technology (MIT), "Eye contact is expected in Western culture. It is a basic essential to a social interaction which shows a person's interest and engagement with your conversation. In Western cultures, eyes are considered to show the central point of a person's focus. So if somebody doesn't give any eye contact during a conversation, it may be considered insulting."
A lack of eye contact may appear alluring because it causes you to wonder what's so important to the other person or what's on their mind. But, in reality, it's just an example of behaviors people think are mysterious that are really just rude.
2. Not responding to texts in a timely manner
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There are some situations in which you simply can't respond to texts as quickly as would be ideal, and there's nothing wrong with that. But just ghosting someone isn't okay. In fact, it can go beyond just rudeness and be a sign of something pretty sinister.
Dating coach Bree Jenkins, LMFT, explained, "Ghosting doesn't take into account how you affect other people and it makes it easier for the person to dip out or disengage when things get uncomfortable. There's no way to have a healthy, long-term relationship without being able to work through problems and use your communication skills."
Having someone who doesn't respond to you may feel mysterious, but it's actually just a sign that they don't care. Or, in some cases, that they forgot about you, which may not be as bad as them not caring, but still isn't a great feeling.
3. Constantly canceling or rescheduling plans
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Things come up and everyone needs to reschedule or cancel plans from time to time. Doing so repeatedly may even make the person seem mysterious because they clearly have something else going on in their life that you don't know about. But really, making a habit of canceling plans is just rude.
Etiquette expert Lisa Grotts said, "Once a commitment is made, unless you have a legitimate excuse, it's rude to cancel. Period." There are some cases where it's unavoidable because it's "out of your control," but she warns against just canceling because you'd rather not go.
If someone is constantly canceling or rescheduling on you without a good reason, it's clearly one of the behaviors people think are mysterious that are really just rude. And really, how many legitimate reasons are there that would come up frequently enough to excuse someone canceling consistently?
4. Having a quiet, private conversation in a public place
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Let's say you're out with two other people. You're having a great time, right up until the other two start whispering to each other and leave you out of the conversation. This may seem mysterious because it makes you wonder what they're talking about, but it's rude, especially given the fact that they could be talking about you.
Novelist and creative writing teacher Jonathan Safran Foer wrote about the importance of attentiveness and letting others know we care. "Being attentive to the needs of others might not be the point of life, but it is the work of life. It can be messy, and painful, and almost impossibly difficult," he said. In other words, it's always best to be attentive.
But holding a private side conversation that excludes others is doing the exact opposite. It's not something cool and mysterious that you get to wonder about. It's just not nice.
5. Asking for a person's name before they've introduced themselves
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The most polite thing to do when you meet someone new is introduce yourself as soon as you have the chance to do so. Asking for someone else's name before introducing yourself creates a bit of mystery as it leaves the other person wondering who you are. Some people have the goal of always keeping people wondering, but that's not quite the way to go.
As Rome Business School noted, "A killer first impression can open doors, create lasting connections and leave a positive mark in people's memories." First impressions are important and can dictate the rest of your interactions with a person. You don't want to be caught treating someone rudely the first time you meet them.
6. Having a conversation in another language
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Imagine only speaking one language, and suddenly the people you're with start speaking in another that you don't know. It makes you wonder what they're saying and why they felt the need for the language shift. But really, it's just one of the behaviors people think are mysterious that are really just rude.
They're intentionally excluding anyone who doesn't speak that language, and there's probably a reason for that. Psychology professor Robert N. Kraft, PhD noted that dealing with someone monopolizing the conversation like this can be "unpleasant."
No one wants to feel left out or singled out. If someone speaks in another language that you don't understand, they're doing both to you. Don't let yourself be fooled by thoughts of mystery. They are simply being rude.
7. Staring at someone
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It may seem like staring at someone is mysterious. It would certainly make the person wonder what the other's intentions and thoughts are. However, this is just bad etiquette. No one should openly stare at another person. It's even more uncomfortable if they don't know that person well. And it just gets worse if they're hurting the other person's feelings on top of it all.
There's even research, like one study from Personality and Social Psychology Bulletin, to suggest that if you feel uncomfortable when someone stares at you, it's because you think of yourself as being of a lower status than they are. It all connects back to evolution, according to psychotherapist Katherine Cullen.
Making someone feel inferior on top of being uncomfortable is hard to even wrap one's mind around. Clearly, staring at someone is not a nice thing to do. It may seem mysterious, but it really calls that other person's confidence into question and makes them wonder about their status. It's best to avoid this rude behavior.
8. Avoiding personal questions
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Another of the behaviors people think are mysterious that are really just rude is avoiding answering personal questions. Sure, there are some situations when answering a personal question just doesn't feel safe or appropriate. But if you're trying to get to know someone, it can be a red flag.
According to professor and psychology expert Susan Krauss Whitbourne, PhD, a non-answer in a scientific study is referred to as "missing data." Sometimes, we face "missing data" in our everyday lives as people fail to answer questions. In this case, it's always important to consider your question and think about whether or not it was appropriate for the time and situation. If it was, you may simply have someone who is trying to be difficult.
Avoiding answering questions without a good reason isn't cool. It's evasive and frustrating. And, of course, it's no way to build a rapport with someone.
9. Not introducing someone
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Have you ever been in a situation where you were surrounded by new people that you shared a mutual acquaintance or friend with, and they just... didn't do anything? It's one of the most awkward feelings in the world.
Naturally, etiquette dictates that that person handle the introductions. Sometimes, when someone is trying to create an air of mystery, they may think that doing this is enticing. In reality, it's just rude.
Business etiquette expert Arden Clise noted, "Typically the onus for making introductions is on the person who knows both parties, even if you just met one of the parties." In other words, if someone is the link between two groups of people, introductions are their responsibility.
It's easy to get caught up in the mysterious atmosphere someone creates, but it's important to remember what is polite and kind. If someone avoids introducing you to their friends, it's a good sign that they don't care about you as much as you initially assumed.
10. Not greeting people when entering a room
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If someone slips into a room without saying hello, it can look very mysterious. You may wonder what they're doing there or what their relationship is to the other people in the room. But it's not cool to just avoid conventional greetings — they're conventional for a reason.
Associate professor of multimedia journalism Elio Leturia said this can be blamed on the "me-centeredness" found in today's culture. Because of that, some people don't mean anything by it. It's simply the state of the world on full display.
However, it's still rude, especially when considering it comes from a place of self-absorption, and can also indicate a lack of social skills. It takes very little time and energy to say hello, or even to smile and nod at people when entering a room. It shouldn't be a big deal, and it shouldn't be some great mystery.
11. Ending a conversation when someone enters the room
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We've all seen it happen, and likely had it happen to us — two or more people are having a hushed conversation that ends the second someone else walks in the room, all because the subject of the conversation was that person. Cutting off a conversation quickly feels like it could be mysterious. And maybe you don't want to assume the worst, which would be that they were talking about you. But this is the epitome of rudeness.
If it's the natural time for the conversation to end, that's acceptable. And coincidences do happen. Through his research, PhD student Adam Mastroianni found that only 2% of conversations ended when people actually wanted them to. So perhaps it is the right time to end the conversation.
But, you can't deny that ending it when someone else walks in is awfully suspicious and makes it look like you're trying to keep that certain person from hearing something that is likely about them. Of all the behaviors people think are mysterious that are really just rude, this one should be the most obvious to avoid at all costs.
Mary-Faith Martinez is a writer with a bachelor's degree in English and Journalism who covers news, psychology, lifestyle, and human interest topics.