11 Phrases Truly Unreliable People Use Often, According To Psychology
They just can't be trusted.
Maria Loginova | Shutterstock Everybody needs a strong support system. When someone is going through hard times like a recent breakup or a job loss, having a friend, family member, or partner be a rock to lean on can sometimes be the difference between keeping their sanity in check. According to a study in 2024, having a strong support system leads to better mental health.
But despite the importance of reliable people, people often feel utterly alone in this world. From depending on people to take them to school to depending on coworkers to finish their assignments on time, there are too many times when people will let others down. Still, there's a vast difference between someone unreliable and someone reliable. As it stands, there are phrases that truly unreliable people use often. From placing blame on others to avoiding accountability due to their ego, there are many reasons why unreliable people do what they do.
The 11 phrases truly unreliable people use often, according to psychology:
1. 'Trust me, I'll do it this time'
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The first phrase truly unreliable people often use is, "Trust me, I'll do it this time." After disappointing their loved ones, unreliable people look for quick ways to bandage the situation. Refusing to think clearly or admit when they can't be of help, they'll make false promises and say that they'll do it this time—even if they don't really plan on it.
This phrase is another way to calm others down and push the responsibility away until they have no choice but to confront the issue head-on. However, people who have a habit of doing this should be cautious, as constantly breaking and making promises can cause people to be resentful.
According to 2023, feelings such as resentment have many negative impacts, including physiological, emotional, cognitive, behavioral, social, and a sense of self. So, while saying, "Trust me, I'll do it this time," might sound like they're truly committed to it, refusing to follow through with their promise will likely make the situation worse, leading to the end of an otherwise good relationship.
2. 'Sorry, it slipped my mind'
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Listen, everybody forgets from time to time. When tensions are high and life becomes busy, it's easy to forget people's small promises, like taking out the trash. However, a phrase truly unreliable people use often is, "Sorry, it slipped my mind." While nobody expects perfection, always making the excuse of forgetting isn't going to work.
For starters, nobody forgets every single promise all the time. Sure, being forgetful occasionally might be normal, but constantly forgetting is a sign of weaponized incompetence, which doesn't go so well in the grand scheme of things. According to 2018, things like weaponized incompetence due to not doing their fair share of chores in the household can cause people to argue more.
That being said, there's a more significant impact of breaking promises under the guise of forgetting. In the real world, romantic partners and bosses won't always accept that excuse, as forgetting important obligations like completing a project or picking up the kids on time won't fly well in adult dynamics. So, taking responsibility is necessary if people genuinely want to keep their relationships intact or avoid being fired. Otherwise, their relationship with others might suffer because of it.
3. 'I'll get to it when I feel like it'
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There's no worse feeling than asking someone to do something only to be met with the "I'll get to it when I feel like it" speech. Yet, for someone utterly incompetent, this is just another phrase truly unreliable people use often. In an ideal world, people will jump as soon as their partner says to wash the dishes or cook dinner. But depending on what they're doing, they might not be able to get to it right away.
Even so, there's a vast difference between someone who uses this phrase because they don't have time or because they're unreliable, and this starts with whether they plan on getting around to it or not. Someone busy will almost always do it after their time is freed up. But for someone unreliable? Well, they'll continue to do what they've been doing and push the responsibility onto someone else.
Yet, this type of behavior will only get them so far, especially in romantic relationships. After spending time cleaning up after their partner or picking up that extra responsibility, it's only natural that people will grow resentful. According to the Gottman Institute, resentment falls under contempt, which is the leading cause of divorce. So, while being lazy might feel good, it'll only negatively impact people's relationships in the long run.
4. 'I was too busy'
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Understandably, people get busy, and they don't always have the time to complete the responsibilities that they should. Still, reliable people don't use the excuse that they are too busy to avoid taking responsibility. Instead, they actively find ways to do what they said they would do without making excuses.
On the flip side, a phrase truly unreliable people often use is, "I was too busy to." Most of the time, when people say they were too busy, it's either one of two things: one, they were too lazy to get to it, or two, they were poor at managing their time. Either way, their thoughtlessness is likely what got them into this mess in the first place, impacting their personal lives for the worse.
Most people hate feeling ignored, rejected, or disregarded. According to the American Psychological Association, feeling rejected tends to increase anger, anxiety, depression, jealousy, and sadness. This is why it's important for people to either refuse to make promises they can't keep or keep them. Otherwise, they'll unintentionally hurt the people they love most, leading to a build-up of resentment that can negatively impact their relationships.
5. 'I thought you already knew'
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The worst thing about an unreliable person is their inability to communicate. Instead of coming up to someone and confirming or being upfront about what they can or can't do, unreliable people actively choose to disregard their own responsibilities and then place the blame on other people. As a result, a phrase truly unreliable people often use is, "I thought you already knew."
Firstly, assuming that someone should've just known is a lazy tactic to blame others for miscommunication. Most people aren't mind readers and can't infer what someone wants or needs unless they say it directly. Despite this fact, most unreliable people don't care about their part in the misunderstandings they created or how they can change their actions moving forward.
Instead, they count on these misunderstandings to free them of the burden of growth and to keep their ego in check. Molly S. Castelloe, Ph.D., has a doctorate in psychology and explained that "Blaming relieves one of doubt and ambivalence. It restores self-cohesion. A collapsed personhood is suddenly reinstated and inflated with self-righteousness." Showcasing why people will go so far as to blame others.
6. 'I was going to, but ...'
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The next phrase truly unreliable people use often is, "I was going to, but then..." When most unreliable people say they were going to, it means they were never planning to. People who genuinely value others and their time won't make excuses for why they couldn't show up for others.
From coworkers to family, truly reliable individuals will set ten reminders and wake up at three in the morning if it means keeping the promises they made to others. On the flip side, unreliable people don't truly care about their reputation or how their actions impact those around them. Instead, they choose to place blame and use the default "I was going to " phrase because it's much easier than saying, "I didn't care enough to try."
Unfortunately for them, constantly using this excuse has drastic consequences, as it'll likely ruin their reputation. According to Social Cognition, it's much harder to come back from a bad reputation once someone has an opinion about someone. This is why unreliable people might want to rethink their methodologies. Even if they don't care about their loved ones, ruining their reputation at work might just get them scolded or, worse, fired.
7. 'I'll make it up to you'
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"Don't worry, I'll make it up to you later," is something a parent would say when they really mean never. It's sad, but everybody knows this often-used phrase is a catalyst for avoiding accountability. Feeling bad but not wanting to inconvenience themselves, unreliable people often use this go-to phrase to make it seem like they'll eventually make things up.
Yet, whether it's because they forgot to take their friend to an appointment or because they didn't take their partner out for Valentine's Day, the results are still the same: unreliable people will never fulfill their end of the deal. So, if someone is wondering whether someone in their life is unreliable, they should ask themselves one question: "Do they truly do their best to make things up?"
Are they the type to go out of their way to show up for that next appointment or to take their partner out after promising that they'll plan a date night? If so, they're most likely reliable and forgot. But if they don't, then it's better to let bygones be bygones. As it stands, this person will never change.
8. 'I wasn't sure what you wanted'
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Most people wrongfully assume that they know what someone else is thinking. This is probably why they are baffled when the person in question isn't on the same page. Yet, this is why communication and being upfront are so important. According to a study in 2019, miscommunication often leads to increased conflict.
Even so, most unreliable people don't care to communicate correctly and, as a result, make excuses to justify their actions. Because of this, a phrase truly unreliable people use often is, "I wasn't sure what you wanted." When someone is counting on them to fulfill their obligations or is heavily relying on them for something important, it can feel like a slap to the face when they turn around at the last minute to say a flimsy excuse.
If someone communicates clearly what they want, there is no room for misinterpretation unless the person in question wasn't listening. But regardless of their reasoning, it all comes out the same: someone is left feeling unheard, leading to resentment.
In the work environment, this is dangerous as it can easily increase toxicity in the workplace. And in relationships? With enough time, couples can break up as one party doesn't feel heard or valued by their partner. So, if someone isn't sure what someone else is trying to say, be upfront about it. Ask questions; that way, misunderstandings don't have a chance of brewing.
9. 'I didn't think it'd take that much time'
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Everyone's been in a situation where someone else's reliability dramatically shaped their life. From needing a ride to a job interview to arriving at their partner's parents' house on time, depending on others is unavoidable. This is probably why there's no greater frustration than letting other people down due to an unreliable person's inability to keep their promise.
Nobody wants to be late, but sometimes, other people's horrible timing is the reason why they didn't get that job opportunity or why their partner's parents are upset with them. As hard as people try to control their surroundings, others sometimes can cause them to stumble occasionally. But as long as they don't make it a habit, most people will choose to forgive and trust them again after a bit of persuasion.
That being said, unreliable people are different from the rest. Because they cannot step outside of their own selfishness, they push other people's needs to the last minute. As a result, a phrase truly unreliable people often use is, "I didn't think it'd take that much time."
10. 'I just need more time'
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It's okay if someone needs an extra hour or a few minutes to finish up before helping others or grocery shopping. It's widely understood that everyone has their own lives and can get busy now and then. Still, there comes a point when saying, "I need more time," becomes a bit old.
For instance, when someone unreliable uses this phrase and doesn't keep the promise, they essentially say this to push their responsibilities further away. Yet, this isn't just disrespectful to the other person; it's also stunting the unreliable person's growth.
According to psychotherapist F. Diane Barth, L.C.S.W., "Yet when we don't take our own legitimate share of responsibility, we run the danger of losing a sense of our own power or sense of control over our own actions." A study published in 2023 found that this is important, as feeling a sense of agency over ourselves leads to greater competence, even when taking responsibility for negative behaviors.
So, while unreliable people might believe they won, they ultimately rob themselves of their ability to grow within their own competence, making them dependent on others.
11. 'I was going to tell you later, but...'
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Finally, the last phrase truly unreliable people use often is, "I was going to tell you later, but..." Most unreliable people are filled with inconsistencies; they will not tell someone something until they have no choice but to. As most people can imagine, their career and personal life will almost always be impacted because when push comes to shove, using this phrase becomes less meaningful and more burdensome as the other person begins to feel unimportant.
Let's face it: nobody likes someone who is not emotionally intelligent. Not only do these people lack common sense and awareness, but they also refuse to consider other people's thoughts. Thinking they know better, they'll hold off meaningful conversations until the last minute, causing the other person to feel distressed and disregarded.
This is probably why unreliable people have such poor relationships. According to one study in 2022, there's a strong correlation between happiness and emotional intelligence. So, if someone feels unhappy around someone, then it's most likely because this unreliable person's lack of emotional intelligence is starting to impact them negatively.
Marielisa Reyes is a writer with a bachelor's degree in psychology who covers self-help, relationships, career, family, and astrology topics.
