9 Signs Someone Does Not Have Your Best Interests At Heart, Even If They Pretend To
Don't allow someone like this to stay in your life.
pio3 | Shutterstock Being surrounded by close friends and family, we want to feel assured that they highly respect us and will be honest about their true feelings. We trust that they want only the best for us and that their actions reflect their intentions.
Unfortunately, there are glaring signs someone does not have your best interests at heart; life isn't so simple, after all.
There are friends, family, romantic partners, and even acquaintances who want nothing more than to see you fail. And sometimes, those actions aren't as subtle as they'd like to believe.
Here are 9 signs someone does not have your best interests at heart, even if they pretend to
1. They're unreliable
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The friends that leave you behind are likely self-centered and uncaring. They'd rather leave you lonely and, as research shows, this leads to higher blood pressure, heart disease, obesity, anxiety, depression, and much more.
Having a person in your life who is never there when you need them impacts your health, and your finances, too. Studies show that having a supportive group leads to less financial strain and better mental and physical health. But the opposite can be said for someone who doesn't have this experience.
If you have someone in your life who is completely unreliable, who doesn't make an effort to be there for you, it's an indicator that they don't have your best interests at heart, even if they pretend to.
2. They put their wants before your needs
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If someone close to you puts their desires before your needs, they don't respect you as a person. If they truly cared about you, they'd be more than willing to put in the care necessary to make your relationship work by prioritizing your desires as well as their own.
This lack of respect harms your relationship, as studies show that a lack of respect impacts your self-esteem, and psychosocial and physical well-being. Higher respect leads to higher social engagement, which is essential for your overall welfare. People with lower social engagement are more likely to die than those with higher social engagement. Additionally, higher social engagement leads to better health outcomes.
People who don't care about your needs have no concern for your well-being. It's best to distance yourself from them.
3. They discourage you
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People who are secure with themselves don't feel the need to discourage others. So, friends who don't support you are likely to secretly be jealous of you. And people who are secretly jealous are more likely to be aggressive and have low self-esteem.
These uncontrollable emotions can manifest into people discouraging you from your goals and dreams, which has negative consequences. According to research, lacking motivation can lead to poorer academic performance, and decrease a person's physical activity.
You deserve to surround yourself with people who lift you up and celebrate your ambitions, but people who discourage you certainly don't have your best interests in mind.
4. They only call when they need something
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If someone only calls when they need something, they don't care about you and may just be using you. Those who want the best for you want to make sure you're loved and cared for, and will check in on you, whether or not they need a favor or something for themselves.
Unfortunately, people who use you can damage your self-esteem. Research shows that people who feel rejected by others have changes in their self-esteem, caused by perceiving themselves as invaluable to someone else.
Rather than stand by and let someone hurt your confidence, realize that they don't have your best interest at heart, and that you can do much better.
5. They say your problems aren't a big deal
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The feeling of not mattering is synonymous with the fear of rejection. This aligns with the need for validation through connection and feeling heard, so someone saying something like "it's not a big deal" is harmful.
A person feeling like they don't matter is linked to increased anxiety, as well as loneliness, both of which impact mental health. Someone treating your problems as insignificant is a terrible thing to do and is a sign to not keep them around.
6. They bail on you when it counts the most
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Being stood up is a sign of disrespect and a lack of empathy. And if your loved one is always late or doesn't show, whether it's physically coming to a planned outing or providing emotional support when you need it, they don't care about your time or energy.
People who feel unimportant also feel rejected and unconfident, and research has found that feeling rejected is synonymous with experiencing pain. It's similar in that they're both distressing and share common somatosensory components, a subset of the sensory nervous system.
It's important to keep people in your life who can provide emotional support when you need it the most, but someone who can't be bothered to lend an ear or a shoulder to cry on doesn't have your best interests at heart.
7. They always take, but never give
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Feeling used is an indicator that someone doesn't have your best interests in mind and are only around you for their own benefit. Admittedly, this is selfish behavior and can have detrimental effects on your self-esteem.
When someone in your life continues to take advantage of your kindness and charity, but refuses to reciprocate or repay the favor, it means they shouldn't be allowed in your close circle. People like this will never understand that your needs matter, too.
8. They're not happy for your successes
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People who refuse to celebrate your wins are fake and insecure. These individuals believe that your win is unjustified and they desire to knock you down a peg to make themselves feel better and more superior.
As such, they resort to petty antics like being condescending to make you feel small. This type of behavior is a reflection of their lack of self-control. Insecure people have less self-control, lower life satisfaction, and low levels of hope.
Because of their inability to control their negative thoughts, they take their anger out on others, including you. And it's completely unfair to be around someone who doesn't care about your wins.
9. They give unhelpful advice
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Going to others for advice can reveal their true intentions. Real people who want to help are going to give great advice, point you in the right direction, and send you home with professional resources.
On the other hand, those who want to see you fail will do the exact opposite because it will benefit them. They give you advice that can destroy relationships or worsen mental health. They might tell you to give up because they know it will hurt you and make them feel better.
If you have someone in your life who purposely sabotages your relationships and mental health, it should be glaringly obvious they don't have your best interests at heart. Instead, they just want to elevate themselves at your expense.
Marielisa Reyes is a writer with a bachelor's in psychology who covers self-help, relationships, career, family, and astrology topics.