14 Wholesome Traits The Most Successful Couples Have In Common, According To A Relationship Coach
Say goodbye to relationship drama!
Ivanko80 | Shutterstock Concerned about the future of your relationship? You're not alone — many people have doubts, too. But don’t stress! Figuring out whether your relationship will last has become easier. Say goodbye to the worry and sleepless nights.
Relationship coach Comfort Omovre recently took to Twitter to highlight the wholesome traits that couples who endure any storm share. Consider her insights, assess your relationship, and if you’re willing to fight for it, explore ways to improve and strengthen your bond with your significant other.
The 14 wholesome traits the most successful couples have in common:
1.'Resounding, frequent and genuine appreciation'
fizkes | Shutterstock
Thriving couples are outspoken in their appreciation for one another. They regularly express gratitude for the big and small things, and they always truly mean it when they say, “Thank you.”
Science even backs up this wholesome trait. Research shows that gratitude enhances relationship satisfaction, commitment, and resilience to stress.
A 2022 study published in the Journal of Social and Personal Relationships found that both expressing and feeling appreciated helped maintain stability during financial strain or conflict. The study results demonstrated the power of saying "thank you" in relationships, according to Sharita Forrest from the University of Illinois Urbana-Champaign.
2.'Habitual affectionate gestures'
fizkes | Shutterstock
“One thing you can be certain successful couples engage in a lot is physical affection. The recurrent forehead kisses, multiple daily hugs, handholding, cuddling, beard rubbing, and hair fiddling…successful couples are always reassuring one another of their affection. A lot of times, they don’t even realize they’re doing it!” explained Omovre.
According to Verywellmind, these acts of affection serve as constant reminders that partners are in it together — no matter what. It creates a sense of security and closeness and helps reduce relationship conflict. In fact, research from 2020 found that couples who are more affectionate with each other have healthier cortisol levels during conflicts than couples who are less touchy-feely.
3.'Respect and admiration for one another'
DimaBerlin | Shutterstock
Healthy couples typically share a deep sense of respect and admiration for each other. They view one another as individuals deserving of honor and regard, and they consistently act in ways that bring praise and pride to their partners.
According to Stephen J. Betchen D.S.W., mutual respect, and admiration is an underrated ingredient in a relationship that successful couples have plenty of. Respect doesn’t require admiring every aspect of a partner, but overall, respect should outweigh minor irritations.
Betchen shared an example of mutual admiration: A 63-year-old man admired his wife’s intellect and musical talents, saying, “No matter how mad she makes me, she’s my hero.” Likewise, the wife responded, “I admire my husband’s discipline — he gets things done and stays in great shape, which keeps him attractive to me.”
Before starting a relationship, ask yourself: How much do I respect this person? What do I respect about them? Why?
4.'Healthy boundaries'
YAKOBCHUK VIACHESLAV | Shutterstock
Successful couples set and honor boundaries — personal and relational — viewing them as tools to preserve individuality and create safe spaces rather than creating distance.
According to Mentalhealth.com, when boundaries are honored, individuals feel acknowledged and appreciated and can express themselves freely without fear of overstepping or feeling overwhelmed. Neglecting boundaries, however, can lead to misunderstandings, conflicts, resentment, and emotional disconnection, ultimately eroding trust.
If you're struggling with boundaries, practice self-awareness by reflecting on your limits and communicating them clearly. Also, be open and honest in your conversations, ask rather than assume, take responsibility for your actions, and respect each other’s unique needs.
5.'Fighting clean'
wavebreakmedia | Shutterstock
“You’ll never catch successful couples fighting dirty. They neither air unclean laundry nor intentionally construct their words and actions to strike the other person where it would hurt the most. They’ve mastered the art of healthy conflict resolution, and as such, every misunderstanding brings them closer together,” said Omovre.
Conflict is inevitable in relationships but doesn’t have to be distressing or harmful. Clinical psychologist Deborah Grody explained to Time that couples with no conflict often face divorce because indifference signals a lack of care. However, frequent, hurtful conflict is unhealthy.
Clean fighting is all about sharing your feelings respectfully and actively listening without letting emotions take over.
6.'Acknowledgement of each other’s autonomy'
Antonio Guillem | Shutterstock
Successful couples embrace their connection without seeing each other as possessions. They recognize their partners as whole individuals, which is reflected in how they treat and support one another.
While autonomy is often overlooked in relationships, it is essential for relationship satisfaction, a key factor in the overall quality of your relationship. Writing for marriage.com, Maggie Martinez, LCSW explained that maintaining autonomy in a relationship is crucial for its health. She suggested starting with self-awareness by setting boundaries to preserve your identity. Nurture outside connections with friends and family and make time for alone time to reflect and grow.
Rely on yourself during tough times to build emotional resilience and continue pursuing your passions. Balancing these elements allows you to stay true to yourself while deepening your bond with your partner.
7.'Effective communication'
Perfect Wave | Shutterstock
Happy couples communicate openly, listen actively, and create a safe space for both easy and difficult conversations. They approach discussions with care, avoiding anger, passive-aggressiveness, or silence.
While effective communication doesn’t solely predict happiness and a long-lasting relationship, it certainly helps. Dr. John Gottman, a clinical psychologist and founder of the Gottman Institute, suggests that a couple’s communication patterns can often predict the success of their relationship. Effective communication not only helps reduce conflict but also fosters intimacy beyond physical connection.
8.'Genuine friendship'
PeopleImages.com - Yuri A | Shutterstock
“Successful couples genuinely like each other and continue to cultivate deeper friendships. They act silly, play games, tease, and laugh together a lot. They don’t see anyone as the master or subordinate, simply as buddies. And if they weren’t in love, they’d most probably still be friends,” explained Omovre.
Have you ever heard of romantic relationships that begin as friendships? It’s estimated that roughly 66% of couples were friends before evolving into a romantic relationship. Who wouldn’t love that surprise — being with someone you feel completely comfortable around, who understands you no matter what?
According to Allison Rimland from Thrive Couple and Family Counseling Services, friendship is the most important ingredient in a relationship because couples who are friends are better equipped to handle stress and hardships than couples who are not.
Not only that, but couples who have a strong friendship with one another are more likely to enjoy each other’s company, respect each other’s ideas, and be more forgiving of each other’s mistakes.
9.'Endless courtship'
NDAB Creativity | Shutterstock
Couples who keep romance alive by continually dating have lasting relationships. They court one another with gifts, kind words, thoughtful gestures, planned outings, and getaways, to name a few. They make sure the spark never fades — if it dims, they always find a way to reignite it.
It doesn’t matter if you’re 25, 50, 65, or any age or stage in your relationship. According to the Gottman Institute, courtship and dating shouldn’t end after the early years of a relationship.
As time passes, couples often fall into routines, feeling more like roommates than romantic partners. But this doesn’t have to happen. Continuously pursuing and courting your partner is essential, no matter how long you've been together. Find ways to make your partner feel loved and desired, whether through small surprises or thoughtful gestures.
10.'Accountability and consideration'
Prostock-studio | Shutterstock
Successful couples hold each other accountable. They consider each other’s needs, act in ways that foster respect and love, and are mindful of each other’s feelings.
Taking responsibility for your actions builds trust and encourages openness in relationships. Healthy responsibility means being aware of your behavior and its impact on your partner while also recognizing that your partner must do the same. Practicing self-awareness, apologizing when needed, and holding each other accountable for actions helps both partners grow and strengthen their connection.
Katie Christy from One Love learned a lot about herself through her first relationship. She realized that she was being codependent, relying too much on her partner for affection and self-worth. After discussing it with her partner, she took responsibility, changed her behavior, and worked on creating a more balanced dynamic of mutual support, which helped grow and strengthen the connection in her relationship.
11.'Balance between agreement and healthy compromise'
fizkes | Shutterstock
Contrary to popular belief, successful couples don’t always agree. However, they’re generally aligned on what truly matters, and when they disagree, they work towards a healthy compromise that works for both.
In a healthy relationship, both partners care about success and approach compromise with a humble, giving mindset. While this mindset may not always be present, it's crucial to stay open, give joyfully, and address malintent when necessary.
12.'Proper apologies'
fizkes | Shutterstock
Strong couples don’t shy away from difficult conversations, let ego hinder apologies, or sweep issues under the rug. Instead, they follow the AVARCC apology framework — created by Omovre — which stands for Acknowledgement, Validation, Accountability, Remorse, Restitution, and Change. This approach allows partners to express sincere remorse, and when they promise to improve, they make tangible efforts to do so.
Karina Schumann, PhD, from the University of Pittsburgh, explored why apologies are important in the American Psychological Association’s Speaking of Psychology podcast episode 213.
“Apologies really can be thought of as the super glue of life in a way…They really go a long way to show concern, to show that you care about the relationship, about the person, and that you want to make things right. And they're not always perfect…Some apologies are lacking quite a bit. But if they're given from the heart and if they're really genuine and sincere in the way they're offered and in their intention, even if the words aren't perfect, they can go a really long way to showing the person that you care about them, and that you want to make amends and repair the relationship to what it was before the harm was done,” she explained.
13.Earnest Forgiveness
fizkes | Shutterstock
“Successful couples do not go around holding on to grudges that eventually devolve into resentment. They air their grievances, are honest about their processing journey, and work to truly let go of the slight and move on. Successful couples forgive often and honestly, hardly bringing up an issue once it’s been entirely resolved,” explained Omovre.
She clarified that while couples may forgive each other for certain mistakes, this does not extend to unrepentant cheating or abuse. Such behaviors are not justified in any way.
While conflict is inevitable, you shouldn’t hold on to grudges, especially in an intimate relationship. Constant fighting is draining and damaging, not just to your physical health but also to your social relationships, according to Jennifer Verdolin from Psychology Today. She suggested coming up with strategies to help balance the natural tension of being with someone else to balance your needs with theirs.
14.Mutual Yielding
Olga Gudumac | Shutterstock
Successful couples yield to each other. It’s not always one person having to compromise or getting to have their way. It goes both ways. And this applies to efforts as well. Both parties are consistently doing what they can to carry their weight in the relationship, and, when necessary, the other’s as well, shared Omovre.
Healthy compromise is essential for balance in relationships, involving understanding, adapting, and growing together while respecting personal values for a more fulfilling partnership. Therapist Lissy Abrahams shared the story of Maria, a Catholic, and Ali, a Muslim, who faced conflict due to their religious differences. Rather than letting it divide them, they compromised by learning about each other’s faiths, attending services together, and respecting each other's beliefs. Their willingness to compromise helped them overcome the challenges of differing belief systems and upbringings.
Mina Rose Morales is a writer and photojournalist with a degree in journalism. She covers a wide range of topics, including psychology, self-help, relationships, and the human experience.