Couples Who Do These 8 Things For Each Other Are The Happiest, According To Clinical Psychologist
Make your partner smile with how much you love them.
Rido | Canva It is very easy to put your partner last on your priority list, especially during the busiest season of life when you have kids in the house, jobs, and constant obligations … maybe this is why the unhappiest age is 47. The tendency to put your partner last is real, especially after you have children — but it doesn't have to be that way. Couples who do the following things for each other are often the happiest.
For each point, I include how to show a child you love them … and then the equivalent for adults. Remember, no matter how old you are, every adult wants on some level to be cared for like a beloved child, which is what reparenting is all about.
Couples who do these things for each other are the happiest:
1. Leave notes in unexpected places
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For this one, I wrote:
Even if your little one can’t read yet, you can draw them a picture. Kids will love this surprise in their pocket and will treasure knowing that you planned this especially for them.
Examples of places you could put them include: under their breakfast plate, in their coat pocket, in their car seat, on top of their toothbrush, or folded inside their cereal bowl.
This is the same thing for adults! No addenda is necessary. Pictures are cute as well, even though your partner can read.
2. Pick up a little something that made you think of them
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I’m not going to recommend that you buy special stickers for your partner… but you can buy some other little gift that they would like.
Special coffee? A notepad? A key ring? Little gifts that recognize special things about your partner (e.g., quirks, preferences) are an awesome way to show you’re thinking about your partner and that you love them.
3. Show gratitude for them, even for the little stuff
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For this one, I wrote:
Buy a special notebook that your child picks out. Every day, write down their favorite thing they did that day.
They will be able to read this over later in life and will cherish it, and best of all, it only takes a minute or less. If you get into the routine of doing it at the same time every day, like dinner time, it will be easy to remember.
This can be translated into text for your partner! Showing appreciation is key.
A couple of times a week, thank your partner for something they did for you that you notice and appreciate. This is a wonderful way to show recognition and love.
4. Create or buy a kiss box
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For kids, I said:
This is an empty box that they can decorate. You can put a kiss “into” it when you leave for work or to go out.
Tell them that if they ever miss you, they can open the box and take out a kiss. There is a great picture book, The Kiss Box, that you can read with your child if they like the Kiss Box idea.
For adults, take a page out of my own husband’s book and buy this for your partner. This was a cute gift that I keep on my desk, and my husband sends a picture of it every so often, at which point it spins and alerts me.
5. Find a comfort read, movie, or TV show to watch together
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For kids, I suggested:
Designate one of your child’s favorite short picture books as your special book. Before bed, no matter if you read other books or not (of course, the more reading, the better!), always read your special book too.
I recommend all the time that couples watch movies and TV together and have special shows that they watch and discuss.
Books are great too. Any media that both of you enjoy together brings you closer, even reality TV.
6. Make them something from the heart
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This is a hit with kids, and my husband is or pretends to be impressed with my aluminum foil animals as well. If your partner isn’t as indulgent then you can create something else for them, like baking them cookies, making them a sandwich, or creating any object for them to appreciate or consume.
7. Choose a pet name for each other
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With your partner, instead of spy names, this would be pet names. At the very least, go back to calling them “sweetheart” or “honey” if you used to do this and got away from it over the years. Special names make people feel known and loved, and it’s a private thing that both of you share.
8. Share songs that remind you of each other
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For a child, I recommended making up a special song or changing a song’s lyrics to be about your child. But, for adults, it would be romantic and cute to send your partner a song that makes you think of them, or link them to “your” song (e.g., first dance at your wedding, or any song that is special to you both) during the work day.
Hopefully, I’ve made my point that small, everyday things can be very special when shared by people who love each other, whether these are parents with their children or partners. Use some of these ideas today to make your partner smile!
Dr. Samantha Rodman Whiten, aka Dr. Psych Mom, is a clinical psychologist in private practice and the founder of DrPsychMom. She works with adults and couples in her group practice Best Life Behavioral Health.