Love Coach Reveals Whether Or Not It's Healthy If Your Partner Asks For Alone Time
"Finding peace in my solitude was the greatest gift I have ever given myself."
PeopleImages.com - Yuri A | Shutterstock Just like any other relationship, we must nurture the one that we have with ourselves, whether that means spending dedicated time alone, starting the day with positive affirmations, or intentionally practicing self-compassion.
Until you foster a healthy connection with yourself, your other relationships will suffer, which is why romantic partners need to prioritize alone time.
A love coach revealed that it's healthy to have alone time in a relationship.
When your partner asks for alone time, it's easy to feel offended. After all, space often seems like a bad thing in a relationship.
However, these feelings say more about you than your partner, and are indicative of an anxious attachment style, according to love coach Katie Lyons.
“Your partner needing time alone is not the same thing as them not wanting to be with you anymore,” she said. “If you struggle from anxious attachment styles or codependency, you cannot fathom the idea of somebody wanting to be alone, being happy on their own, processing things on their own, or being at peace on their own.”
While some individuals, especially those with anxious attachments, feel more understood, fulfilled, and clear-minded around other people, many can only decompress when they’re alone. If your partner is asking for alone time, they might just need time to reconnect with themselves and decompress after a long day.
That doesn’t mean that they aren’t still in love with you or that they don't enjoy your company — it’s simply a basic human need. In fact, research suggests intentional alone time decreases stress, encourages relaxation, and allows for effective self-regulation.
“It might go against the grain of everything you believe in and everything that you fear, as well,” Lyons added, referring to the concept of needing time alone.
“Until you’re able to get to the roots of your traumas and your wounds, you’ll never be able to understand, trust, or respect your partner needing time to themselves.”
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Often burdened with past neglect or emotional invalidation, anxious and codependent partners seek constant attention from their significant others. However, as the love coach pointed out, and research affirms, this is not a healthy frame of mind.
“At the end of the day, every one of us needs time to ourselves,” she emphasized. “That’s a big reason why people with an anxious attachment style suffer so much. A lot of the time, we’re neglecting our own needs, and one of those is spending time alone.”
If your partner asking for alone time makes you uncomfortable, you must work on the relationship you have with yourself.
Learn new ways to process your feelings alone and indulge in some self-care that gets you excited to be in your own company. Try journaling, meditating, or even just exercising alone. Work on enjoying time by yourself.
Relationship and sexuality educator Dr. Logan Levkoff told Bustle, “Spending every waking minute with one another more often than not actually breeds resentment as opposed to a healthy, blossoming intimacy.”
He went on to say, “Maybe there are things about having your space you really enjoy, [and] that you need in order to feel fulfilled.”
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“If I had to guess, when your partner does take alone time or ‘me time,’ you don’t actually think that they’re doing something wrong,” Lyons added. “You probably, deep down, actually wish that you could find some peace in your solitude.”
It’s exactly the reason why this coach, and many other experts, center their practices around the individual. All of our relationships center around the one that we have with ourselves and they can only thrive when that one does too.
Zayda Slabbekoorn is a News & Entertainment Writer at YourTango who focuses on health & wellness, social policy, and human interest stories.