11 Subtle Phrases People Use When They Don't Actually Respect You
The small ways people diss you without being blunt about it.
ChamanExperience | Shutterstock As you grow older, there will always be someone who tests your patience. Whether it's a Karen at a store or a boss who doesn't pay you enough to care, you'll slowly need to learn how to navigate these tough situations. From smiling aggressively to rolling your eyes and staying silent, most have mastered the art of dealing with disrespectful people.
However, what happens when the line between disrespect and casual conversation seems to become blurred? As much as you'd like to believe you can pick up on disrespectful people, there are subtle phrases people use when they don't actually respect you. From telling you to smile more to muttering the phrase, "That's cute," there are plenty of ways people undermine your intelligence and use their words to diss you subtly.
11 subtle phrases people use when they don't actually respect you:
1. 'Relax, it's not that big of a deal'
Pheelings media | Shutterstock
The first subtle phrase people use when they don't respect you is, "Relax, it's not that big of a deal." On the outside, this might seem like a careless phrase that someone said without considering it. Yet, whether they meant to or not, the result is still the same: it leads to someone getting hurt.
Feeling rejected is one of the worst feelings someone can experience. According to the American Psychological Association, things such as social rejection can lead to anger, anxiety, depression, jealousy, and sadness. It can also lead to increased aggression and difficulty concentrating. Yet, despite this fact, this is still a go-to, subtle phrase people use when they don't respect you.
Is this phrase the kindest to use? No, yet in the eyes of someone who doesn't respect you, they don't consider you to be worth their time or consideration. With this in mind, you should pack your bags and go running rather than stay in a relationship or situation that causes you to feel rejected. As much as you'd like to make things easy, tolerating disrespect will only encourage them to continue doing so.
2. 'If you say so'
Krakenimages.com | Shutterstock
Most of you have likely heard this phrase before. Whether it's at your parents' house or while having a mild disagreement with your partner, the subtle phrase people use when they don't actually respect you is, "If you say so." Now, this may not seem like a significant issue for the average person.
Most people who don't want to argue or make a scene will use this phrase to move the subject along. However, it's the implication and tone of voice that should cause you to raise an eyebrow. Whether you noticed it or not, saying this phrase implies that what you said was both insignificant and wrong.
This is probably why this disrespectful phrase is so subtle. While most people wouldn't truly understand what the other person is implying, their intention is clear: you're dead wrong, but you aren't worth the effort of having an honest conversation with. This, in turn, creates misunderstandings, which, according to a 2019 study, lead to more conflict. So, if someone truly doesn't mean to disrespect someone, it's better to be honest and upfront. Because the only other option than this is to be insincere and disrespectful.
3. 'That's cute'
Antonio Guillem | Shutterstock
You're at the mall with your friends, and you spot this outfit that you think might look good. Or, maybe you're passionately discussing with your partner about your job and the new people you've met. While most of you might expect enthusiasm or, at the very least, honesty, a subtle phrase people use when they don't actually respect you is, "That's cute."
When you think of someone uttering this phrase, what comes to mind? Is it perhaps someone looking at their phone, muttering this phrase, and scrolling back on TikTok? Because you wouldn't be alone. Let's face it: this is the most disrespectful and dismissive phrase someone can use.
Unlike the other phrases, this one is blatantly disrespectful when observed alongside the person's body language. So, if someone is being dismissive, don't hesitate to express how you're feeling. After all, feeling dismissed is one of the cruelest things someone can do. According to Amy Lewis Bear, MS, LPC, "Dismissing the feelings of others can cause them to feel invisible and unimportant," which can hurt you.
4. 'I didn't think you'd care'
simona pilolla 2 | Shutterstock
When someone truly values a person, they'll always take their thoughts and opinions into consideration. Even if they disagree, they value the person enough to listen to what they have to say and adjust their actions accordingly. Yet, a subtle phrase people use when they don't actually respect you is, "I didn't think you'd care."
There's a particular frustration that happens when someone utters this phrase, as it should go without saying that this phrase is completely dismissive. After all, saying 'I didn't think you'd care' is essentially saying, 'I didn't consider your opinion at all.' This is especially true if it's someone close to you. As it stands, people closest to you should know you better by then.
That being said, there's a greater problem to be had, and that's the blatant disrespect this phrase possesses. According to a 2020 study, feeling unimportant leads people to perceive their life as lacking meaning. So, don't feel bad if you're upset or offended when people say this. Whether they can admit to it or not, one thing is for sure: they don't truly respect you.
5. 'You're so dramatic'
Ekateryna Zubal | Shutterstock
You might disagree with them, but everyone's feelings are valid. Whether someone is upset about something that happened in the past or is expressing their feelings about a current situation, there is a need to tread carefully when it comes to words. That being said, disrespectful people don't care about their words, which is why a subtle phrase people use when they don't actually respect you is, "You're so dramatic."
There's nothing dramatic about being vulnerable. Vulnerability is rare, as many people avoid it at all costs. As licensed marriage and family therapist Marisa T. Cohen, PhD, LMFT, said, "Being vulnerable is not easy and takes time, as it requires us to let our walls down and let someone see our true selves."
This is why people shouldn't feel ashamed for expressing their emotions. While it might be challenging to comprehend for the average person, that 'dramatic' nature of yours is a huge indicator that you're more emotionally intelligent than those around you, which is something you should never apologize for.
6. 'You should smile more'
Antonio Guillem | Shutterstock
Another subtle phrase people use when they don't actually respect you is, "You should smile more." There's no greater disrespect than telling someone to smile more. Let's face it: everyone has bad days, and there's no worse feeling than being said during those bad days that you should suck it up.
Not only is this dismissive of your feelings, but it also shows how little this person truly cares. After all, if someone truly loved and valued you, then they wouldn't be sitting here telling you to smile. Instead, they would be asking if you're okay and being your support system.
This is important, as the American Psychological Association notes that having a support system is crucial for overall well-being and longevity. So, the next time someone tells you to smile more, respond with, "Give me something to smile about."
7. 'Wow, you're still on that?'
Shift Drive | Shutterstock
After experiencing betrayal or disrespect, it can be challenging to move past the hurt. When someone's stinging words or inexcusable actions haven't been appropriately addressed, there is no getting over it. Yet, this is precisely what disrespectful people expect, as a subtle phrase people use when they don't respect you is, "Wow, you're still on that."
Just because they get over it doesn't mean you did. The impact of betrayal isn't something that disappears with a muttered 'I'm sorry.' No, it takes weeks to months of changed behavior for someone to feel comfortable enough to trust again. According to psychologist and researcher Susan Krauss Whitbourne, PhD, ABPP, "Betrayal by people you care about hurts because it destroys your self-esteem."
Despite this, people who don't respect you don't care about your feelings or comfort. Because they want to keep their ego in check, they'll berate you for how you feel, causing you to shrivel up and keep your thoughts and emotions to yourself.
8. 'I was just being honest'
Mladen Mitrinovic | Shutterstock
You're sitting down with your family when the uncomfortable conversation about dating and weight comes up. Not wanting to delve too deeply, you do your best to change the subject and discuss something else. However, as they continue to betray you, the waterworks flow, and you react — understandably — with anger.
During these moments, a normal person would back down and apologize for their careless actions. However, a subtle phrase people use when they don't actually respect you is, "I was just being honest." Sure, someone can be honest, but not everything someone thinks needs to be said.
From comments on people's appearance to the way they live their lives, certain things should be kept quiet. As Professor and licensed marriage and family therapist Jason Whiting, Ph.D., explained, "Being honest in relationships does not mean spouting off the first thing that comes to mind, especially when you are tense." With this in mind, don't be afraid to stand up for yourself. If someone utters a hurtful or rude comment and then follows up with this phrase, say, "There's a difference between being honest and being rude."
9. 'That's just the way I am'
fizkes | Shutterstock
Everyone's had those conversations before. You're in the middle of an argument with a friend, family member, or partner, and things are getting tense. However, instead of calling it quits and apologizing for their words, a subtle phrase people use when they don't actually respect you is, "That's just the way I am."
Everyone has their own way of doing things. However, in the real world, brushing off people's concerns and attributing them to "That's just the way I am" is dismissive and, frankly, immature. Like it or not, you can't remain the same way forever if you genuinely want to grow.
According to blank...Despite this, disrespectful people don't care if they grow or not. As long as they can maintain their ego, they don't care if their actions actively harm those around them. In their eyes, you will have to accept them for 'who they are.'
10. 'You don't seem like the type'
fizkes | Shutterstock
Has someone ever told you that you don't seem like the type? At the moment, you might not think much of this, as most people tend to disguise it as a compliment. However, depending on the context in which this is uttered, this phrase can go from being kind to being a subtle phrase people use when they don't actually respect you.
For example, let's say you're in a meeting with a coworker. While discussing your plans, a coworker comes up to you afterwards and responds positively to your leadership and input. However, at the end of that conversation, all of this can come across as completely disingenuous when they utter the phrase, "I was shocked that you took control. You don't seem like the type that likes the spotlight."
Firstly, assuming how someone is like and then being shocked when that person you barely know is the complete opposite can raise a couple of eyebrows. After all, stereotyping someone and then admitting to that stereotype in front of their face isn't the kindest thing to do, let alone the most respectful one.
This is probably why avoiding this phrase completely is someone's next best thing. While they might mean well, uttering this during a meeting, or worse, on a first date, will definitely cause the other person to run the other way.
11. 'Well, that's one way to look at it'
Gaudi Lab | Shutterstock
Finally, the last subtle phrase people use when they don't actually respect you is, "Well, that's one way to look at it." If people are being completely honest, this is the most passive-aggressive phrase someone can use. Not only is someone being dismissive, but they're also judging the other person.
From the way that they think to the thoughts or ideas they have, shutting someone down by judging their input is one of the most disrespectful things someone can do. This is why people should never use this phrase in the first place. Whether they mean for it to come across this way or not, the result is still the same: the other person is left feeling rejected.
Marielisa Reyes is a writer with a bachelor's degree in psychology who covers self-help, relationships, career, family, and astrology topics.
