7 Subtle Phrases Wives Say That Undermine Their Husbands, According To Experts

Marriage has its daily stress and times arise when wives don't feel quite up to the challenge and might throw out a hurtful phrase or comment without realizing it will only undermine them moving forward.

Here are seven phrases wives say that undermine their husbands, according to experts:

1. "Everything is fine"

He reaches for her shoulder and she pulls away LightField Studios via Shutterstock

But everything is not fine at all. Wives need to stop hiding their true feelings. A multi-method study from the American Psychological Association shows how suppressing your feelings increases resentment, and interferes with the connection that is necessary to sustain a relationship for the long term.

— Jennifer S Hargrave, Managing Partner, Hargrave Family Law

2. "This keeps happening"

Couple argue, she is angry, he is remorseful Dragana Gordic via Shutterstock

You undermine yourself and your marriage when you remind your spouse of something they did wrong in the past that has already been resolved as if it is going to happen in the future.

— Larry Michel, AKA: The Love Shepherd and the Founder of the Institute of Genetic Energetics

3. "You don't satisfy me"

A couple sits in bed and argues La Famiglia via Shutterstock

Any phrase that undermines their intimate performance — whether it's to criticize their body or their prowess in bed. Few things hurt men more than feeling they can't satisfy their partner.

Hearing it from their wives can be demoralizing. Not only does it harm their self-esteem but it can make them withdraw from you intimately and cause anxiety, as demonstrated by a 2017 study.

— Dr Gloria Brame, Ph.D.,Therapist

4. "You're overthinking"

Couple disagrees, he turns away from her Goksi via Shutterstock

This phrase is often used to minimize someone's feelings and concerns. The phrase suggests repetitive unproductive thought patterns, and unhelpful things.

— Dr. Tarra Bates-Duford, Psychologist

5. "Why aren't you more like so-and-so"

She is bored and wonders why is isn't like other men Shift Drive via Shutterstock

It’s easy to compare your relationship to others. Do you have as much money as another couple? What is their house like? Do their kids go to private schools? The list goes on.

When you compare your relationship to others, you will always feel disappointed, as outlined in the Journal of Social and Personal Relationships. The truth is everyone is at a different spot in life. It’s also true that everyone didn’t start at the same spot.

— Lianne Avila, Counselor/Therapist

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6. "Oh no you don't"

She holds a hand up to his face to stop him from speaking SrdjanVrebac Via Shutterstock

Intolerance or excessive rigidity will get in the way because you have developed a way to keep yourself safe. You may get so rigid in certain beliefs you make connecting with your partner difficult. You immediately shut down the conversation whenever your partner tries to raise a different opinion.

— Roland Legge, Life Coach

7. "You did it again?"

She is done with his nonsense and stops him from proceeding BearFotos via Shutterstock

We gravitate toward and dwell on the one thing that did not go well rather than the five that did go well. It’s too common for this negativity to consume our relationships and distort our thinking.

In committed relationships especially, compliments dwindle, and tones get harsher. We become less forgiving and loving and more critical and shaming. The charming blemishes we may have embraced early on transform into glaring character flaws.

We now know something about the origins of this sensitivity to the negative: Research on survival, anxiety, and fear supports how any negative message — words, tone, facial expression — triggers our survival drive, and that triggers our anxiety.

When we are scared, we automatically protect ourselves by withdrawing from the scene or countering with a putdown. And that makes everything worse. Because of this, it is difficult to see beyond our partner's wrongdoing.

— Harville Hendrix & Helen LaKelly Hunt, Co-Creators of Imago Relationship Therapy

It is easy to get caught in the stress of daily life in marriage and toss out an unintended damaging phrase. However, being aware of the subtle phrases that can hurt your spouse is a major step to be certain you don't undermine your efforts for a healthy marriage.

Will Curtis is a creator, editor, and activist who has spent the last decade working remotely.