9 Subtle Phrases People Say On Purpose To Make You Like Them More
People use these phrases to influence how connected to them you feel.
Sitophotostock | Shutterstock Relationships can be difficult to sustain, whether they're platonic or romantic. Oftentimes, our insecurities can get in the way of our ability to make strong connections with other people.
Not everyone means what they say, but taking someone at face value is beneficial for fostering those connections and knowing where you stand with them.
Here are 9 subtle phrases people say on purpose to make you like them more
1. 'I appreciate you'
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When someone tells you they appreciate you, it means they are grateful for your presence. They might say this in response to you helping them out with a task, but they might also say they appreciate you just because you're there with them. This phrase shows that someone recognizes you for you, along with whatever contributions you offer to the relationship.
In a workplace environment, it conveys that a colleague sees all your effort and hard work, and that they're thankful that you're pulling your weight. In a more personal setting, it means that they genuinely enjoy being around you.
And there are direct connections between feeling appreciated and a person's level of self-esteem. A research study published by the American Psychological Association in 2020 looked at the effects of social relationships and self-esteem on people between the ages of 4 and 76 years old. The study posited that relationships are an essential part of how someone's self-esteem is shaped, and how they evaluate their worthiness as a person.
The results indicated that there's a positive feedback loop between relationships and self-esteem, beginning in childhood. When a child has a positive relationship with their parents, they're better able to cultivate a high level of self-esteem, which, in turn, leads to positive relationships with their peers that continues to strengthen their self-esteem into adulthood.
Michelle A. Harris, one of the authors of the study, noted that "The reciprocal link between self-esteem and social relationships implies that the effects of a positive feedback loop accumulate over time and could be substantial as people go through life." Ultimately, the study found evidence that high self-esteem leads to improvements in people's social relationships, and quality relationships lead to higher self-esteem.
2. 'I like you as you are'
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It's part of human nature to want to fit in, whether it's being accepted in a social situation or a professional environment. If a person tells you that they like you as you are, it means exactly that: They don't expect you to change any aspect of your personality for them or anyone else.
Psychologist Marsha Linehan is credited with introducing radical acceptance to Western thought. According to her definition, "Radical acceptance rests on letting go of the illusion of control and a willingness to notice and accept things as they are right now, without judging." In the context of relationships, radical acceptance means taking someone as they are, without forcing them to fit into any preconceived box.
When someone radically accepts you, they care about you for who you are, including your flaws and incongruities. There are many benefits to radically accepting the people around you. Doing so provides you with more developed coping mechanisms in times of high conflict, and better emotional regulation overall.
3. 'How can I support you?'
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The phrase "How can I support you?" showcases a person's willingness to be a supportive presence in your life. It's hard to ask for help, but once we do, we often find that people really want to offer their care and assistance when they can.
If someone asks how they can support you, it means they want to show up for you and will go out of their way to be of service. People may use this phrase with you as a way to build up your trust in them, as it shows that they're emotionally available and can hold space for whatever conflict you're going through.
4. 'I believe in you'
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When someone tells you they believe in you, it means they have faith in you as a person. It's a simple and direct compliment, but it's also very powerful. Having someone on our side boosts our confidence and makes us feel seen, held, and appreciated. Believing in someone may also increase their sense of self-efficacy, which can be defined as a person's belief in their own ability to accomplish a task.
Psychologist Albert Bandura proposed that a person's self-efficacy can determine what activities they take part in, how much effort they put into those activities, and how long they persist in the activities. People who have little belief in their ability to do a particular task will likely avoid it, whereas people who have high self-efficacy are more able to tackle the challenges that come their way.
We all experience some amount of self-doubt during our lives, yet Bandura noted that having someone else's support can make us believe in our abilities more deeply. Bandura stated that "verbal persuasion alone may be limited in its power to create enduring increases in perceived efficacy, but it can bolster self-change if the positive appraisal is within realistic bounds."
In other words, when someone tells you they believe in you, it can make you believe in yourself, which most likely means you'll learn to appreciate both yourself and the person telling you that even more.
5. 'I love your energy'
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It's hard not to like someone who appreciates the vibes that you give off. A person who says they like your energy witnesses how you interact with the world around you and sees the positive effect you have on others.
We can't control what other people think of us, and trying to do so can bring a fair amount of personal conflict and suffering. But when we're told that we have good energy, it often means that someone senses the truest parts of who we are.
6. 'I'm inspired by you'
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Telling a person they inspire you is another simple and direct way to give them a compliment and a boost of confidence.
Maybe they're inspired by your commitment to your work or the care you put into your friendships. When someone tells you that you inspire them, they see you for who you really are and they like what they see.
It could also mean that they want to emulate the aspects of your personality they're inspired by. We often mirror the behavior of people who we admire. As they say, mimicry is the highest form of flattery.
7. 'Please' and 'thank you'
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Whether it's saying "please" and "thank you" as two separate phrases, or just "please and thank you" as one, when someone says this to you, it's more than just indicators of politeness and good manners. These phrases also show that someone holds you in high regard.
They respect you and your time, whether they're asking you for a big favor or something less significant. They recognize that you're going out of your way for them, and they appreciate you for doing so.
8. 'You're such a good listener'
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According to psychologists Carl R. Rogers and Richard E. Farson, active listening has three main components: Listening for the full meaning of what someone is saying, responding to their feelings, and noticing their nonverbal cues.
Active listening employs the need for high emotional intelligence and a strong sense of empathy. When someone tells you that you're a good listener, it signifies that they feel truly heard by you. It also means they trust you, in that they're willing to tell you things they might not tell others.
A 2015 study published in the journal Social Neuroscience found that active listening can improve someone's perception of how a conversation went and strengthen the relationship between the people talking to one another.
9. 'I understand how you feel'
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This phrase highlights the importance of validation in relationships. When someone says they understand how you feel, it shows that they're able to imagine your lived experience and they find value in it, even if that experience is different from their own.
Validating someone, even when you don't necessarily agree with them, can strengthen the bond that you have with them. It increases our sense of connection, which is the essence of the human experience. Being validated makes us feel like we're valued and important, and it signifies that we're worthy.
We're all seeking acceptance, from ourselves and from others. Using these phrases is a great way to connect with other people on a deeper level, and let them know you see them for exactly who they are.
Alexandra Blogier is a writer on YourTango's news and entertainment team. She covers social issues, pop culture analysis and all things to do with the entertainment industry.