7 Subtle Phrases Husbands Say That Undermine Their Wives, According To Experts
Don't get caught between him saying nothing and saying harmful phrases.
ND3000 | Canva Guys can be a bit harsh with their words, especially when under stress or influenced by the effects of unprocessed past hurt. As you grow together as a couple, some phrases can do damage and undermine the efforts of building a safe space to be vulnerable.
Here are 7 subtle phrases husbands say that undermine their wives, according to experts:
1. "It's up to you"
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Saying, "Whatever you want, dear" when they don't mean it. Husbands need to stop hiding from their wives.
— Jennifer S Hargrave, Managing Partner, Hargrave Family Law
2. "You always/never do that"
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Reminding their spouse of something they did wrong in the past that has already been resolved as if it is going to happen in the future.
— Larry Michel, AKA: The Love Shepherd and the Founder of the Institute of Genetic Energetics
3. "Why aren't you more like her?"
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Negatively comparing your wife to other women can be a death blow to romance, as demonstrated in a study of social comparisons in the context of close relationships. It will raise her insecurities and make her feel like she has to compete with other women to get you to love her. That leads to resentment and mistrust on her part, which, in turn, may make her back away from you in bed.
— Dr Gloria Brame, Ph.D.,Therapist
4. "It's not worth getting upset about"
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This phrase trivializes the feelings of others, suggesting their response is outside of the "normal" response. A study from LaSalle University supports how a dismissive attachment was negatively associated with maintenance suggesting a heightened response and the individual is choosing to react angrily.
— Dr. Tarra Bates-Duford, Psychologist
5. "Mumble, mumble, nothing"
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You are not alone if you are struggling with communication. Good communication is a learned skill. Find time every week to let each other know what is going on in your lives. Regular check-ins are an excellent time to address issues. Remember, conflict is normal and healthy when handled with care, compassion, and clear communication.
Check in to make sure you understand what the other is saying. Paraphrase what you understood your partner to say and ask for feedback. If you misunderstood your partner, they can clarify what they meant to say.
A study of emotional suppression in marriage shows the worst thing you can do is to stay silent. Unexpressed anger or frustration will only make it more difficult to resolve your differences, and it will undermine your relationship.
— Roland Legge, Life Coach
6. "You know how I feel"
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One of the ways we inadvertently neglect our relationships is by assuming our loved ones know how we feel. Often, they do not.
We stop confiding in our spouses, and we speak to our children with undertones of judgment and criticism. It’s not really how we feel most of the time, but avoidance and mistrust have replaced open communication and intimacy.
— Mary Morrissey, Life Coach
7. “If I didn’t have to work so much to support you...”
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After a few more choice exchanges, that moment defines the next few days as you both retreat into bitter silence. Humans have what is known as a “negativity bias.” In short, the bad stuff outweighs the good stuff. The good news is, there's a solution that can help.
Focusing on what your partner is doing right can be very powerful. The more you focus on the good, the more good there will be to focus on. Energy follows attention.
— Harville Hendrix & Helen LaKelly Hunt, Counselor/Therapist
We live in stressful times and the stress spills over into the day-to-day functioning of your marriage. When emotions are heated, husbands feel the stress more. Some might lash out with unintended harmful words while others will shut down or hold it all inside in an attempt to ignore the issue until it goes away.
Fun fact, the issue never goes away, it just becomes a rift in the relationship. So, we need to watch our reactions whether you r the upset spouse or the spouse on the receiving end of the anger. Either position is a position to find ways to keep the relationship healthy.
Will Curtis is a creator, editor, and activist who has spent the last decade working remotely.