9 Rare Traits Of A Person Who’s Not The Loudest In The Room, But Often The Most Effective
Being the loudest person in a room does not automatically make you the most powerful or effective.
PeopleImages.com - Yuri A | Shutterstock Everyone processes things differently. Some people are internal processors, meaning they focus more on self-reflection, while others are external processors who like to talk things through. Marriage and family therapist Ilene Strauss Cohen, Ph.D., said, “Your processing style is like a cognitive fingerprint — a unique part of your mind’s machinery that reveals a lot about your personality, coping strategies, and how you interact with others.”
While external processors may be the ones making all the noise, internal processors are not to be overlooked. They are quiet but mighty. As they get lost in their own thoughts, they are often the most effective people in a room, coming up with ways to address problems independently. Their typical silence makes it easy to ignore them in some situations, but they are doing the most behind the scenes to make everything work.
Here are nine rare traits of a person who’s not the loudest in the room, but often the most effective:
1. They prefer self-reflection over talking things out
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Unlike external processors, who talk through problems to reach a solution, internal processors need to think things over personally before coming to any conclusions. As Dr. Cohen said, “Internal processors engage in quiet, reflective thought. They prefer to ‘sort things out’ internally before sharing their ideas or feelings with others. They’re like a slow cooker, letting everything simmer before serving a final dish.”
This can be key for relationships, Sanjana Gupta, a writer for VeryWell Mind, said. “Self-reflection can help you improve your communication skills, which can benefit your relationships,” she noted. “Understanding what you’re feeling can help you express yourself clearly, honestly, and emphatically.”
Some may see self-reflection as a weakness and think those who can verbally talk their way through things are better off, but this is false. Someone who can think through things in their own quiet way is well-positioned to come up with their own unique solutions that may not occur to others. And when they do open up about what it is they think, they’ll be very well-spoken, having given it thorough consideration.
2. They are self-reliant and don’t need back-up
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Dr. Cohen pointed out that internal processors are typically thought of as self-reliant. This makes sense, as we know they are able to work through issues on their own in their mind instead of needing to talk every matter out verbally with someone else. People who process internally have greater confidence in their own abilities and know it’s possible for them to reach the solution they need.
Forbes contributor Svetlana Whitener shared that self-reliance is much like exercise — the more you do it, the better you become. “The more you act in a self-reliant (independent) way, the more certain you become of your own abilities,” she said.
Choosing to be independent is one of the best ways to show that you actually are. You have to take that step yourself before everything can fall into place. If you puzzle through hard things on your own, mentally, you don’t need help or backup from anyone else to figure things out. You can effectively do it on your own, which is definitely a strength.
3. They are conscientious and thorough
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Internal processors are “linked” to higher levels of conscientiousness, according to Dr. Cohen. The Cambridge Dictionary defines this as “the quality of working hard and being careful.” This means not only doing your work, but doing it well. To be conscientious is to put a high price on integrity and value thoroughness. Internal processors do this because they want to do things right the first time.
Author Meg Selig explained, “Being conscientious offers numerous advantages in life. Generally, conscientious people are more productive, have better health and safety habits, earn more, and have better relationships.” Being conscientious clearly goes beyond just doing good work.
It makes sense that internal processors would be more productive, as their habits seem to be focused on becoming more independently efficient. It also makes sense that they would earn more, as being conscientious has strong ties to one’s work ethic. However, having so many other benefits is interesting. It adds more evidence to the theory that internal processors really are more effective.
4. They tend to be more introverted
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Dr. Cohen said that, of the so-called Big Five Personality traits, internal processors tend to lean more towards introversion than extraversion. This makes sense as internal processors focus so heavily on self-reflection and independence. They eschew the idea of talking through things and turning to outward sources for reassurance and validation, unlike external processors.
As John M. Grohol, PsyD, and Janelle Cox explained, the Big Five Personality traits are “composed of a range between two extremes. Most people score in between the two ends of each dimension.” One of the traits is extraversion. If you rank very low on this scale, then you are more likely to be introverted. Internal processors are closer to this end of the dimension.
Despite what society may want you to believe, being introverted is not a bad thing. In fact, for many, it is a strength. Time Magazine writer Carly Breit said one of the benefits of being an introvert was that “they think before they speak.” This is certainly true for internal processors, who work through things on their own before they discuss them with others.
5. They need to be alone to recharge
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Dr. Cohen said that internal processors will naturally “prefer solitude.” This makes sense, as this is a common trait for introverts. Introverted people usually need time alone to recharge, especially after being around a lot of people. And, as internal processors share many similarities with introverts and need to have their own space to think things through, it’s only logical.
We typically think of introverts as just being quiet, but it actually has to do with a person’s energy. “Being introverted has to do with how you gather energy,” said Healthline writers Kimberly Holland and Crystal Raypole. “You might be introverted if you’re energized by solo time and feel drained after prolonged social interactions. This isn’t necessarily the same as shyness.”
Because introverts derive their energy differently than extroverts do, they naturally need more time to recharge and store up for the future away from others. Internal processors follow this same pattern. They are better off recharging alone so they are ready to give their all to people when they are back in a crowd.
6. They find more value in deep relationships
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While external processors may be perfectly fine with more “surface-level interactions,” internal processors are not, said Dr. Cohen. Instead, they want “deep, meaningful relationships.” It’s kind of like that cliche of having a lot of friends that you kind of know versus a handful that you’re really close with. Internal processors prefer the handful. They won’t share their ideas off the cuff with just anybody, but rather want people who really care about what they have to say around them, after they’ve carefully thought it out themselves, of course.
While it may just seem like this is what internal processors automatically default to, there are actually many benefits of cultivating these deeper relationships. Licensed marriage and family therapist Jeanae M. Hopgood said, “Meaningful relationships are the spice of life. They make life feel more worth it and generally bring more joy to this daily experience.”
People who prefer to think through things and figure them out themselves won’t want to be surrounded by an entourage. Instead, they’ll understand the value of having close relationships with people who really matter. That will give them the space they need to think, as well as the opportunity to share their thoughts if they would like to.
7. They can be overthinkers
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While there are many benefits to being an internal processor, it has its downsides, too. One is that they naturally tend to overthink things. This isn’t surprising, given the fact that being an internal processor is all about thinking things through on your own. Anyone would be hard pressed to do that and avoid overthinking.
Amy Morin, LCSW, noted, “While some people believe that overthinking may be helpful since it involves looking at an issue or problem from nearly every viewpoint possible and anticipating future events, the opposite is true. Research suggests that overthinking is associated with feelings of depression, anxiety, and post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD).”
Thinking about something until you’ve absolutely exhausted the topic isn’t actually a good thing. Instead, it’s a sign that you’re taking a situation too far. You’ve got to give yourself healthy time away from certain topics and not constantly ruminate on them. For these reasons, being an internal processor is a delicate balance.
8. They get upset when people address an issue before they’re ready
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Dr. Cohen shared a real-life example of a woman she worked with in her therapy practice named Hannah. Hannah was upset because she spent a long period of time thinking through a situation and trying to find a way to resolve it. Meanwhile, her husband brought the situation up seemingly randomly one day, ready to discuss it, leaving her feeling “blindsided.” Hannah was an internal processor, and she wanted things done on her timeline.
Dr. Cohen said that Hannah’s communication style had to change because of her processing style. “Once we identified her as an internal processor, we worked on setting aside time to share her thoughts earlier in the process rather than waiting until they were fully resolved in her mind,” she shared.
In other words, Hannah, like other internal processors, was upset that she didn’t have all of the time she felt she needed to think about an issue. She felt like her husband was rushing things and not giving her enough time. With professional help, internal processors can learn to allow conversations and decisions to happen more spontaneously.
9. They can be mistaken for not caring
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Sometimes, the attributes of an internal processor may be misconstrued as a lack of caring. Because they are not discussing an issue out loud or joining in on the existing discussion, they simply don’t care. At least, that’s what some people think. These people are likely external processors and have a completely different way of thinking and problem-solving.
As we’ve established, although they are not exactly the same, being an internal processor is very similar to being an introvert. Blake Griffin Edwards, LMFT, noted that things like small talk are very difficult for introverts and that they can easily be mistaken as standoffish. If you are an internal processor and likely to think through things on your own before discussing them with anyone else, there’s a good chance that you could deal with these issues too.
While other people’s opinions truly do not matter, they can be hard to ignore. It may be helpful to reassure the people that matter that you are taking a situation seriously and giving it the level of care it deserves. However, you are doing so in a way that is different from what they’re used to, so it may not look like what they expect. And really, that’s perfectly fine.
Mary-Faith Martinez is a writer with a bachelor’s degree in English and Journalism who covers news, psychology, lifestyle, and human interest topics.
