10 Phrases People Use To Pretend They’re Fine When They’re Absolutely Not
Sometimes there just aren't enough words to convey how you truly feel.
Monkey Business Images / Shutterstock It's often those people who are struggling the most that do the best job of putting up a front that says everything is A-okay. They may look at others with a smile and assure them that they are fine, even as they are enduring some of the most painful internal struggles. They often don't want to burden anyone with their issues, and instead, resort to keeping their emotions to themselves.
In such cases, there are certain phrases people use to pretend they’re fine when they’re absolutely not. If you know anyone who uses these phrases often, they may need more help than you know.
Here are 10 phrases people use to pretend they’re fine when they’re absolutely not
1. ‘I’m just tired.’
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People who say this are often feeling more than just physical exhaustion. They may be facing complete mental fatigue that is draining them, even if they are acting like it is just a minor inconvenience.
Constant exhaustion is a tell-tale sign of depression, a condition where most people do not feel at all fine. . Even if people may say that they are just tired, it could be something much deeper and darker than that.
2. ‘I can handle it.’
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When someone acts as if they have everything under control, it can be a defense mechanism to hide their insecurities, avoid vulnerability and maintain a facade of control even if they may feel like they are falling apart. Rather than address their underlying issues, those who are not fine may develop a tough persona to cover up their own self-doubt, and conceal any sense of vulnerability from others.
However, if these people truly want to get themselves to a place where they are genuinely fine, they have to be willing to embrace that vulnerability and accept help from others.
“When you need to act strong, you erect a defensive wall that doesn't allow others in. You become impenetrable and, therefore, unlovable,” psychotherapist Mel Schwartz shared in his book, “The Possibility Principle: How Quantum Physics Can Improve the Way You Think, Live and Love.”
“Others most often see vulnerability — openness — as lovable,” he said.
3. ‘It’s no big deal.’
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No matter how upset or enraged a person may feel about a situation, they will always say “It’s no big deal” to hide their true feelings. They often do this to appear strong, avoid conflict, or even use it as a coping mechanism.
If they want to maintain the front that everything is all good, people often adopt a strong sense of resilience that makes them believe that they can handle any situation regardless of how difficult it may seem.
Assuming that something is no big deal feeds into this resilience. However, what these people really need is someone who will validate their emotions, and assure them that it is okay to break down.
4. ‘I’ve just been stressed.’
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When a person’s behavior obviously implies that they are not fine, they may blame it on stress. Maybe they’ll say they have a lot of deadlines to meet, or that they’ve been dealing with anxiety-inducing family issues. Whatever their excuse may be, a person who is genuinely not fine has more going on than just typical stress.
They often downplay the severity of their stress, or fail to understand the impact it is having on them. While they are so busy trying to act as if they are fine, they are ignoring the fact that prolonged, unaddressed stress can cause high blood pressure, increase the risk of heart disease and exacerbate anxiety and depression.
While “I’m just stressed” may appear to be just a simple statement, it's worth paying attention to the context and the speaker’s overall demeanor.
5. ‘I’ve been through worse.’
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This phrase minimizes the turmoil a person may be currently experiencing. Just because they may have passed kidney stones doesn’t mean that their scraped knee doesn’t hurt.
Of course, this is just an example. It is important to remember that every single pain people have experienced is valid, even if they all may vary in severity. While they may think that telling themselves that they’ve been through worse will remind them of their strength, it actually does them a disservice and dismisses their current pain.
6. ‘I’m just having a bad day.’
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People who try to act like they’re fine often downplay their emotions, as if their feelings can be confined to just one day. While some days certainly may be worse than others based on how much sleep we get and our overall atmosphere, people who aren’t fine will have far more bad days than good.
You may notice that they blame their consistently dreary mood on just a “bad day” more frequently. While they may think that it is a temporary excuse, it may subtly indicate their deeper struggles.
7. ‘I don’t need any help.’
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Some people who cosplay as totally fine will refuse help from others to make themselves appear stronger. They may think that asking for help will reveal how lost they truly feel.
Many of these people who refuse help are also battling mental health issues such as depression, something which often has a negative stigma attached to it.
Research suggests that many people avoid seeking help for depression due to misconceptions and the shame surrounding it, fearing they’ll be seen as 'less than' by others. However, this only exacerbates their silent suffering, dragging them further and further away from “fine.”
8. ‘I’m hanging in there.’
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“Hanging in there” is more of a state of enduring rather than a state of thriving. People may tell others that they are hanging in there to suggest that they are fine, but in reality they are far from feeling stable and content.
The phrase conjures the image of someone holding on with the sliver of energy they have left, without much enthusiasm or excitement. It’s a way of saying, “I’m not doing great, but I’m still here,” which can be a subtle way of indicating that they may be deeply unhappy.
9. ‘I don’t want to talk about it.’
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This phrase often signals a defensive response to a painful topic. People who say this may be feeling especially vulnerable about something, and want to avoid talking about it altogether. They believe that if they refrain from talking about something that may be upsetting them, they will continue to appear strong and content.
According to clinical psychologist Jill P. Weber, people who say “I don’t want to talk about” often fear being seen as shameful.
“People tend to hold in their upsetting or difficult emotions out of fear. A deep fear of being vulnerable, of being seen, and then of being negated, guilted or shamed in some way for that vulnerability,” she shared.
“So instead of saying what needs to be said," she continued, "they strap on another layer of hurt, or hardship, or heartache, or loss, or pain onto their back and keep on climbing up the mountain.”
If people who are deeply struggling manage to deflect talking about what is bothering them, they can continue to maintain the facade that they are fine.
‘10. I’m fine.’
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This phrase conveys a lot despite saying very little. A survey conducted by Jenny Edwards, Chief Executive of the Mental Health Foundation, consisting of 2,000 people found that the average person will say “I’m fine” at least 14 times a week. However, only 19% of them genuinely mean it.
“While it may appear that most of us are happy openly discussing feelings, these survey results reveal that many of us are really just sticking to a script. This creates an illusion of support,” Edwards explained.
“On the surface, we’re routinely checking in with each other but beneath that, many of us feel unable to say how we’re really feeling.”
For some people, saying “I’m fine” is a quick and easy way to end a conversation where they can avoid having to explain the complexities of how they really feel. Many people assume that others don’t want to hear about their pain and turmoil, only asking how they are doing since it is common courtesy. This gives them a convenient escape from having to face reality themselves.
Megan Quinn is a staff writer with a bachelor's degree in English and a minor in Creative Writing. She covers news and lifestyle topics that focus on justice in the workplace, personal relationships, parenting debates, and the human experience.
