Your Parents Did A Great Job Raising You If They Broke These 11 Old-Fashioned Parenting Rules
They encouraged you to express your feelings, taught you important life lessons, and never made you doubt their love.
wavebreakmedia | Shutterstock Parenting is constantly evolving with each generation. Expectations and rules that were once appropriate are seen as outdated and unsuitable as we learn more about child development, mental health, and the importance of fostering positive relationships with kids.
As each generation of parents strives to improve upon the practices of the past, there is a greater focus on flexibility, empathy, and understanding in raising children. Although everyone’s parenting style will look different, there is no doubt that your parents did a great job raising you if they broke these specific old-fashioned parenting rules.
Your parents did a great job raising you if they broke these 11 old-fashioned parenting rules:
1.‘Do as I say, not as I do.’
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In order to raise good children, parents need to lead by example through both words and deeds. In the past, parents would often just bark instructions at them without explanations and expect them to follow them.
Children are highly observant and learn best by observing parental behavior. According to the American College of Pediatrics, actions always speak louder than words, especially with children.
“When adults in a research study were asked, ‘What did your parents do to teach you good values and good character?’ their answers were varied,” the College noted on its site. “Some mentioned their parent’s love, their high expectations, their firm discipline, and their wisdom. But, the most common answer was, ‘My parents set a good example.’”
It can be overwhelming for young parents to discover that their parenting outcomes largely depend on how they model behaviors.
2.‘Spare the rod, spoil the child.’
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This old-fashioned phrase in the parenting world conveys the idea that physical punishment is necessary for raising good children. While kids need to be disciplined and taught right from wrong, many modern-day parents reject the idea of using physical punishment.
Researchers have found that physical discipline may do the opposite of getting children in line.
"Hitting children does not teach them right from wrong," said Elizabeth Gershoff, PhD, an expert on the effects of corporal punishment on children, speaking to the American Psychological Association. “Spanking gets their attention, but they have not internalized why they should do the right thing in the future. They may behave when the adult is there but do whatever they want at other times."
Physical punishment could also slow their cognitive development and lead to emotional health issues such as anxiety and depression.
Today, many parents focus on positive reinforcement or nonviolent forms of discipline while raising their kids rather than physically lashing out at them when they behave out of line.
3.‘Boys don’t cry.’
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Good parents know that normal emotional releases like crying are not limited to a particular gender. This old-fashioned rule only perpetuates harmful gender stereotypes, stifles necessary emotional expression, and promotes toxic masculinity.
Boys are well within their rights to cry when feeling overwhelmed, sad, upset, angry, and even happy. They are just as human as their female siblings. According to the CDC, men make up 49% of the population but account for 80% of those who take their own lives. Much of this is because many men grow up being told to “man up” and are often shamed for any emotional reactions they may have, forcing them to suffer in silence without seeking help.
If your parents raised you well, they likely validated your right to emotional expression even if you were a boy!
4.‘Finish everything on your plate.’
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Some of us grew up expecting to have to clear our entire plates at dinner in order to earn the right to leave the table. Even if we were full, our parents still made us eat everything on the plate.
However, other parents understand that the clear-your-plate rule often does more harm than good. “When kids are forced to finish their plate, they’re being taught to ignore their fullness cues and eat past the point of comfort," Lara Zibarras, a Psychologist and Eating Disorder Recovery Coach, shared with Parents.com.
"Most of us know that sweet spot where we feel pleasantly full. If we push beyond that, we can quickly end up feeling uncomfortably stuffed–and that’s not a nice feeling! Forcing kids to keep eating does the same thing.”
Our appetites can vary daily, and forcing kids to eat when they’re not hungry interferes with their self-regulation. Even if your parents made you eat all your veggies, they may not have required you to clear your plate, understanding that fullness is not a feeling we can overcome by eating even more.
5.‘Because I said so.’
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Children must understand the reasoning behind their parents’ rules and decisions to learn from them. Simply telling them, ‘Because I said so,’ shuts down the opportunity for them to understand the “why” behind the actions.
This can lead to potential resentment from the kids, causing them to become even more defiant since they feel like they are in a power struggle rather than a cooperative dynamic.
“Even when it may be uttered out of frustration or exasperation, the ‘Because I Say So!’ response pushes us into the authoritarian parenting style,” Jennifer Poindexter, a mom of three, shared on the parenting guidance site, A Fine Parent. “Not only does this fray our relationship with our kids but could result in our kids ending up being fearful and anxious, less self-confident, and poor communicators.”
If you had good parents who wanted to raise you well, they likely responded with phrases like, “My answer is no. Here is why...” or “I hear you. But we’re going to do this because…”
6.‘It’s disrespectful to argue with adults.’
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Age should never be a valid reason to shut down others’ opinions. Even children deserve respect and space to challenge adults. They may learn a few things about respectful but firm communication that will guide them through important conversations later in life.
If your parents raised you right, they likely encouraged you to have respectful disagreement and dialogue, even with adults.
7.‘Don’t talk to strangers.’
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While it is always important to err on the side of safety and teach your kids about stranger danger, good parents encourage their kids to interact with particular strangers in a safe and informed way so they can learn basic interaction skills.
For example, your mom or dad may have urged you to order your meal at the food counter by telling the cashier what you wanted.
Interactions with strangers are inevitable. It is simply not feasible to avoid everyone you don’t know. If your parents raised you well, they often persuaded you to practice your social skills in a safe and informative environment.
8.‘Big kids don’t take naps.’
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Even parents take naps occasionally, and there is nothing wrong with it. Research shows that even just a 20 to 30-minute nap can improve your cognitive performance, attention, and memory span.
Sometimes, our kids may have a restless night and fail to hit their sleep goal. This doesn’t mean they should have to suffer by forbidding them a nap.
No matter how old kids are, sometimes they just need a few extra hours of rest during the day. If your parents did a great job raising you, they likely never barred you from the opportunity to nap, no matter how old you were.
9.‘If you fail, you’re grounded.’
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Some of our parents may have used our academics to keep us in line. However, no matter how much they stayed on top of us and our schoolwork, it never seemed to click. We could spend hours in our rooms studying for a big test only to receive an F.
If your parents did a great job raising you, they likely knew that punishing you for failing tests only promoted fear and not learning.
When children are punished for making mistakes or simply not understanding their schoolwork, they can develop a lifelong fear of taking risks and trying new things, which is essential for their growth. Punishment also does nothing to address the root causes of failure, such as the fact that they may just need more help understanding the material and developing management skills.
Failing a test is a human experience that should not always be equated with lousy behavior worthy of punishment, and good parents are aware of this.
10.‘Keep your feelings to yourself.’
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While emotional repression was once a common parenting rule, many modern-day parents encourage their children to have all the feels. By healthily processing their emotions, children can understand more about themselves and promote their overall emotional intelligence.
Research shows that children with strong social-emotional skills are more likely to succeed academically and socially. They also demonstrate lower anxiety levels, better relationship skills, and higher academic performance as they age.
Good parents never want their children to suppress their feelings. They want them to feel safe enough to express themselves openly.
11.‘Children should be seen and not heard.’
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Some old-fashioned parents believe their children should not have any say in family decisions since they are ultimately in charge. Speaking up for themselves and expressing themselves in any way was discouraged.
However, if your parents did a great job raising you, they likely valued your voice and allowed you the chance to be heard.
Being seen and heard fosters trust and security, promotes healthy communication, and strengthens parent-child relationships.
Megan Quinn is a staff writer with a bachelor's degree in English and a minor in Creative Writing. She covers news and lifestyle topics that focus on justice in the workplace, personal relationships, parenting debates, and the human experience.