15 Characteristics Of Parents Who Raise Happy Kids Who Want To Hang Out With Them As Adults
How to practice happiness so your kids can learn it too.
Alvin Mahmudov | Unsplash Parenthood is one of the most joyous yet terrifyingly complex journeys in life. We all develop our way of raising our children; however, the one aspect of parenting that all parties can agree on is that we would like our kids to grow up into prosperous adults who eventually want to hang out with us out of their own desire and choosing.
We want to see those bright smiles, witness their confidence soar, and watch them enthusiastically embrace life. But in a world filled with distractions and pressures, how do we help them become the happy and successful children we know they can be?
Here are the characteristics of parents who raise happy kids who want to hang out with them as adults:
1. They know their strengths and triggers
Recognize your strengths and shame triggers. Inward self-reflection and curiosity can help dial down the inner critics as you learn to give yourself self-love and acceptance instead. As you acknowledge the presence of perfectionistic tendencies in your life and embrace your awesomeness, you’re expanding your emotional intelligence and peace of mind.
2. They know that they are enough — and so are their kids
Prostock-studio / Shutterstock
Often, the limiting belief of not being enough is the underlying cause driving perfectionism. By continually reminding yourself that you are enough, you can quiet the negative thought loops, replacing them with self-love instead.
3. They set realistic standards
Are your standards unrealistic? Is the bar you’re using to measure your excellence way too high? Evaluate the standards you have set for yourself and consider whether they are realistic and attainable. Be willing to adjust your expectations for greater peace of mind and confidence.
Reflective parenting involves parents actively examining their own parenting behaviors, beliefs, and biases to make conscious adjustments based on their child's needs and developmental stage.
A 2024 study found that sometimes, this goes against their upbringing or societal norms. This can involve challenging personal standards around discipline, expectations, and emotional expression.
4. They practice the 80/20 rule
Ask yourself, how can you do 20% to get 80% of what you want? This starts to retrain your brain that the ideal of 100% perfection is not required and, with repetition, can quiet the mind and calm the body.
5. They establish achievable goals
Establish achievable goals that allow room for mistakes and setbacks. We all make missteps. It’s a natural part of learning and personal growth.
6. They learn to delegate
Instead of thinking, “No one else can do it as well as I can,” consider all the time, so you’ll have to focus on other things or relax with family and friends. And realize that the fresh perspective and actions of another person on your project can potentially teach you something new as well.
Parents are generally open to receiving parenting advice, especially when managing challenging behaviors or navigating developmental stages. Still, their receptiveness is influenced by factors like the source of guidance, the advisor's perceived expertise, their parenting philosophy, and the specific situation at hand.
A recent study found that parents are more likely to seek advice from trusted sources like family, close friends, or professionals with relevant experience, particularly when facing complex parenting challenges.
7. They get out of the weeds
Learn to take breaks from the perfectionistic overachieving to step back and see the bigger picture of what you are looking to accomplish.
These pauses can give you a fresh perspective on what’s important vs. what is urgent so you can reprioritize your day instead of getting caught up in the “just work harder” mentality or perfectionism-driven procrastination.
8. They practice self-compassion
Treat yourself with kindness and understanding, especially during moments of failure or imperfection. Replace self-criticism with self-compassion.
9. They stop minimizing themselves
When someone compliments you for who you are, what you’ve achieved, or how you look, say “Thank You,” allowing yourself to take in their kind words and praise that you deserve.
While parents generally appreciate compliments, their ability to accept them can be influenced by factors like their self-esteem, parenting style, and the specific nature of the compliment. A 2024 study showed that accepting compliments gracefully is essential for modeling positive behavior and fostering healthy child development.
10. They limit social media
Reduce exposure to social media platforms that promote constant comparison. Unfollow accounts that trigger feelings of inadequacy or shame and focus on your journey and well-being.
11. They practice mindfulness and relaxation techniques
Studio Romantic / Shutterstock
Incorporate mindfulness and relaxation practices into your daily routine to effectively manage stress and anxiety. As you learn how not to sweat the small stuff, your need for perfection will diminish.
12. They celebrate the little wins
Shift your focus from achieving the perfect result to the progress you make along the way. Celebrate your efforts and achievements, no matter how small they may seem. This naturally gives your brain a mood boost of the neurotransmitter dopamine (a.k.a. one of your happy chemicals!).
13. They learn from their mistakes
Embrace mistakes as valuable learning opportunities. Analyze what went wrong and how you can improve, then move forward with newfound wisdom and clarity, knowing what you now know that you didn’t before.
14. They redefine success
Reevaluate your definition of success. Shift your perspective from seeking external validation and comparison to other people’s standards to prioritizing your own personal fulfillment and overall well-being through your unique contributions to the world.
15. They seek support
Reach out to friends, a counselor, a coach, or a hypnotherapist who can provide emotional support and guidance as you navigate the challenges of releasing the obstacles of perfectionistic thinking.
Perfectionism, a relentless pursuit of flawlessness and an aversion to making mistakes affects individuals from all walks of life. The underlying trauma that created perfectionistic thinking comes in a variety of forms, and what it leaves behind can have a lifetime of negative effects.
In the book, Cognitive-Behavioral Treatment of Perfectionism by Sarah J. Egan, Tracey D. Wade, Roz Shafran, and Martin M. Antony, we learned there are a variety of unconscious ways that can get our minds caught in a pattern of perfectionistic thinking.
Michele Molitor, CPCC, CHt, is a certified coach and hypnotherapist, and co-author of the book Breakthrough Healing. She assists high-achieving professionals in reducing their overwhelm and reclaiming their self-confidence, calm, and clarity to create a thriving life and career.
