10 Ways To Raise A Strong-willed, Highly Intelligent Kid Who Will Grow Up Smarter Than You
All it takes is some positive encouragement and support.
Halfpoint | Shutterstock Parenting is full of ups and downs, but for parents who want to raise a strong-willed, highly intelligent kid who will grow up smarter than them, they have a lot of work on their hands. While the steps to get there may seem obvious, raising a highly intelligent child requires patience, change, and compromise.
It means patience to allow room for mistakes, willingness for parents to change, and a willingness to listen to their child's needs, as are all essential for their growth. Knowing where to begin can be a bit tricky, but luckily, there are a few ways parents can begin today.
Here are 10 ways to raise a strong-willed, highly intelligent kid who will grow up smarter than you
1. Control your temper
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When parents are feeling overwhelmed, it's easy to allow their emotions to get the best of them. Feeling unheard and utterly frustrated, parents might resort to flying into a screaming match with their child. Unfortunately, screaming and losing your cool, and directing anger towards a child, doesn't work to ease a child's emotions and can, in fact, make things worse.
According to a study from the American Academy of Pediatrics, kids who are yelled at experience more behavioral problems later down the road. When your child is acting up, it's important to maintain your cool before exploding into a rage. Not only will this prevent problems from occurring with your child, but it also ensures they grow into a strong person.
2. Have quality conversations with your child
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Many parents don't take time out of their day to really talk to their kids on the same level. For you, this means you may resort to using baby-talk or refrain from treating your child as a person. Feeling stressed, you might unintentionally ignore your kids to get extra work done or to try and relax on your own time.
According to research from Pew Research Center, 39% of full-time working moms and half of full-time working dads admitted to spending too little time with their kids. And while it's understandable that some parents struggle to spend quality time with their children, it prevents parents from creating a strong bond with their child.
Make it a point to set aside some time every day to have a real conversation with your child or children. According to life coach T-Ann Pierce, "Kids who grow up where effective communication is modeled at home are emboldened to get their needs met in healthy ways as adults. They grow up more empowered and with greater self-esteem. Their relationships and friendships will be easier to navigate. Their work life will be less stressful."
3. Be mindful of your word choice
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When parents rant and rave without ever considering what they're saying in the first place, it can damage a child's self-esteem. Maybe you, as a parent, have made off-handed comments or criticisms that were meant to help your child. Though you may have good intentions, making careless comments impacts your child more than you think.
According to parent coach and psychologist Jeffrey Bernstein Ph.D., "Critical comments can erode a child's self-esteem and sense of worth and can cause feelings of sadness, anger, or frustration. These sharply delivered rebukes can also lead to a decrease in children's motivation and a lack of confidence in their abilities." Instead of using criticism or mean words, find ways to uplift your children instead of tearing them down.
4. Encourage creativity
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Parents sometimes quell their child's innate creativity or underestimate their talent. For some, the thought of a child spending time on painting rather than studying doesn't land well, with parents afraid a creative outlet will prevent them from gaining knowledge in school. However, parents need to let their kids have hobbies and interests.
Your kids are figuring out who they are and are actively testing those boundaries, and finding healthy ways to test those boundaries is important to raising strong-willed, highly intelligent kids. Creativity is a great outlet for kids; not only does it fulfill the need for individualism, but it does so in a way that is safe and productive.
5. Give your child the space to learn and fail
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You might be spending too much time protecting your kids from danger. With helicopter parenting more popular than ever, you may set strict boundaries and hover over your kids, even while they do the simplest tasks or participate in activities children their age have been doing for ages. Unfortunately, this behavior can stunt your child's growth in various ways.
According to a research paper from West Virginia University, overprotective parenting is linked to depression and anxiety in children. Overprotective parents also decrease their kids' GPAs. Letting your child "fail" again and again, even though it's difficult, will teach them the importance of learning from mistakes. And that, in turn, will create an intelligent person.
6. Promote independence in your kid's day-to-day life
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Independence is essential for the personal development and growth of children. According to licensed clinical psychologist and professor Ronald Stolberg, Ph.D., it's important for kids to solve their own problems, as parents doing it for them will only stunt their growth.
"When parents are involved in every aspect of the child's life, a child misses these invaluable experiences. Developmentally, even elementary school children are ready to take on responsibility and learn from positive and negative consequences of their choices... By not respecting this, or not offering opportunities to practice this need, children are missing essential opportunities to develop the skills necessary for confidence, self-esteem, and a belief that they can solve their own problems," Stolberg wrote.
By giving your child a chance at independence every day, whether it's letting them carry out their chores without a constant reminder, or walking to and from school, a child who is fully confident in themselves will make for a stronger, more intelligent individual.
7. Respect your child's autonomy
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As a parent, you might find it difficult to let your kid take the reins and make choices on their own. You likely don't want to feel like they are growing up too fast, so you unconsciously prevent your kids from exploring their own unique interests or identity. Letting go is difficult for parents, there's no doubt about that, but not letting go makes things even harder, especially on your child.
Doing this doesn't prevent children from coming into their true, authentic selves. According to a study in the Journal of Affective Disorders, overprotecting kids is associated with an increased risk for anxiety. And anxiety can make your kids meek and shy, possibly enabling other people to take advantage of them.
8. Create opportunities for responsibility
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As a parent, allowing your kids to gradually take on more responsibility is important for raising strong-willed, highly intelligent people in the long run. It might be overwhelming at first, but teaching your kids how to maintain life balance and deal with stress in a healthy way is pertinent to their development.
Adds therapist Eli Harwood, "I want my children to learn how to take care of themselves, others, and the world effectively. To feel a part of the places they work and dwell so they can continue to make the world a better place. It feels good to live responsibly."
If you're not sure where to start, assign your kids chores every day. It can be something as small as requiring them to keep their room clean or to load the dishwasher; either way, you're teaching them about responsibility.
9. Teach self-reflection
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When your kid does something wrong, you may either brush it off or immediately switch into punishment mode. With the best intentions, you discipline your child to make them a better person. However, the most effective way to make your kid a better person is by teaching them about self-reflection.
Dishing out consequences without explaining a kid's wrong-doings simply isn't effective. In fact, a study published in the Canadian Journal of Psychiatry found that consequences or punishments like spanking or hitting aren't effective; in actuality, they make a child's behavior worse. Punishments like these also impact a child's mental and physical health in a negative way.
So, rather than doling out punishments for "bad behavior" or errors, teach your kids what they did wrong and how to reach those conclusions themselves. This might mean teaching them techniques on self-reflection regarding their actions and the consequences of their behavior. Self-reflection, according to the International Nanny Association, develops stronger emotional intelligence within kids.
10. Celebrate effort rather than results
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When a child scores a high grade in school or contributes to their sports team's win, parents sometimes feel the need to throw elaborate parties or celebrations. It might be intended to celebrate their wins, but, unfortunately, it also teaches kids that the only thing worth celebrating is results.
As a parent, doing this disregards the hard work and effort your child put into their work. It may instill in them the idea that winning is everything and that hard work and dedication mean nothing unless it produces a positive outcome. Instead, celebrate your child's efforts; for example, if you notice they are putting in extra study time, cook their favorite meal for them or reward them with time watching television. It shows your kid that you see them and their efforts, and that their work is never in vain.
Marielisa Reyes is a writer with a bachelor's degree in psychology who covers self-help, relationships, career, family, and astrology topics.