Your Parents Did A Great Job Raising You If You Refuse To Say These 11 Phrases
Did your parents teach you to advocate for yourself and set effective boundaries?
logoboom | Shutterstock Many of us have come to terms with the fact that our parents and the experiences we have during childhood have a huge impact on our well-being as adults. Aside from simply giving us the tools we need to cultivate a happy life, our parents also teach us how to connect with others and communicate our needs. Knowing how to talk to people is a critical life skills, and knowing what not to say can be just as important, so your parents did a great job raising you if you refuse to say phrases that would undermine your own well-being.
When we're having conversations, whether with co-workers, loved ones or even strangers, avoiding these phrases is positive reflection of a healthy sense of self-worth and confidence — things our parents have the power to start developing in us from a young age.
Your parents did a great job raising you if you refuse to say these 11 phrases
1. ‘I can’t’
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According to Yale’s Dr. Laurie Santos, cultivating the mindset that failure is an opportunity for growth is fundamental to personal development, self-esteem, and success in adulthood. While it’s not an excuse to constantly seek out failure by any means, this idea ensures that successful and confident people don’t rely on a phrase like “I can’t” or “I failed” to avoid the discomfort needed for growth.
We learn from experiences we’ve never had before. By challenging ourselves to do something we know we’re not suitable at or incapable of doing, we learn to embrace discomfort, regulate our anxiety, restructure our goals, and even meet new people.
Your parents did a great job raising you if you refuse to say you can't do something — not just because you learned to thrive amid discomfort and uncertainty from a young age, but also because you’re likely comfortable embracing challenge in adulthood, whether it’s at work, in your relationships, or building a new routine.
2. ‘That’s embarrassing’
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Embarrassment holds many people back in their daily lives, as it’s linked to intense emotions that can feel debilitating, like shame, guilt, and anxiety. Urging us to consider the “what-ifs” and demanding that we compare ourselves to others, it can difficult to learn that embarrassment doesn’t have to control your life in adulthood — it can be a choice.
Just like learning to be comfortable with discomfort, great parents encourage their children to be empathetic and socially attentive — focusing on positivity and engagement with others in a conversation or interaction they might’ve anxiously retreating inward for.
According to Psychology Today, embarrassment occurs when you worry too much about what others think of you. However, when you focus less on yourself and more on listening and being attentive to other people in these unique situations, you avoid wallowing in the panic and anxiety of insecurity.
3. ‘I don’t need help’
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The same social norms and gender stereotypes that hold people back from asking for help or encourage them to operate from a hyper-independent mindset are often taught and reinforced by their parents early in life.
While studies, like one published in the Management Science journal, show that people who ask for help encourage others to build more positive perceptions of them, adults conditioned to seek control and approval steer clear of collaboration.
Your parents did a great job raising you if you refuse to say you don't need help. Not only did they encourage you to seek out social connections and collaboration, but also they also helped you develop a secure sense of self-worth outside of the lens of external validation and constant praise.
4. ‘I don’t want to be a burden’
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Many insecure adults with low self-esteem rely on phrases like this to justify their emotional suppression and isolating habits. Rather than ask for help or set boundaries, they retreat and avoid vulnerability — pushing away their discomfort and complex emotions in ways that can harm their physical, mental, and emotional well-being.
Even in places like the workplace, adults who adopt toxic phrases like this one are much less likely to seek support — from minuscule tasks to more significant complex issues like bullying, like a study from the Atlantic Journal of Communication found.
Great parents don’t just build their children’s self-esteem by encouraging them to ask for help, supporting their emotional responses, and equipping them with communicative habits; they solidify the belief that they’re worthy of taking up space and asking for support.
5. ‘You’re being dramatic’
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According to psychologist Hal Shorey, parents who consistently dismiss their children’s needs and emotions often use phrases like this one to do so. While it might seem unsuspecting, this phrase follows their kids into adulthood, sabotaging the well-being of their future relationships and self-esteem.
Great parents take the time to sit with, support, and empower their children’s complex emotions and needs, cultivating a safe space for them to communicate without criticism or judgment. In adulthood, using phrases like “you’re so dramatic” or “you’re overreacting” is manipulative and gaslighting — two things kids of great parents avoid to make space for open connection and understanding.
Even when it’s uncomfortable, confrontational, or anxiety-inducing, people in the healthiest relationships — both with themselves and others — take the time to acknowledge and support other people’s emotions and thoughts, not invalidate or dismiss them.
6. ‘That’s impossible’
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Great parents teach their kids confidence in various productive ways — from encouraging them to set boundaries to communicating openly — but many of these tactics revolve around one simple principle, according to Mayo Clinic Health System experts: your self-worth depends on who you are, not on what you do.
By reminding kids that it’s possible to be confident, intelligent, and thriving even in the face of newness, challenge, or perceived failure, they don’t default to phrases like “It’s impossible” to avoid situations and interactions in adulthood that can lead to growth.
Your parents did a great job raising you if you refuse to say phrases like this, considering you’re more likely to seek challenges that encourage you to grow and connect with people you’d otherwise avoid.
7. ‘That’s not what happened’
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Clinical psychologist Daniel S. Lobel suggested that kids who grow up with gaslighting parents tend to be overly dependent and insecure later in life — having learned from a young age that they couldn’t trust themselves amid their parents intentionally uncertain and invalidating comments. In some cases, it’s these same struggling kids that repeat the cycle of gaslighting and manipulative behavior in their relationships later in life — seeking comfort and stability in situations where they know how to behave and what to expect.
However, adult children who grew up with intentionally supportive parents often avoid using phrases like “that’s not what happened” to spark uncertainty and self-doubt in others, instead showing up to support them without judgment.
According to a study from the Psychology and Ageing journal, many of the tensions adult children and their parents struggle to navigate result from poor communication skills — like dismissing the other’s concerns or invalidating their experiences. So, your parents probably did a great job raising you if you can maintain a comfortable relationship with them now, talk openly, and support each other even in uncomfortable situations.
8. ‘I’m not motivated enough’
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According to Mel Robbins, practicing self-discipline means you do something even when you don’t feel motivated. By learning to set aside your limiting beliefs — like “I’m too tired” or “I’ll get to it later” — you can free yourself from the confines of anxiety, uncertainty, and stagnancy.
Great parents teach their kids self-discipline from a young age, acting as a model of this behavior and encouraging them to form routines, feed into habits, and cultivate hobbies that reassure their confidence and self-esteem.
Your parents did a great job raising you if you refuse to say phrases like this one, making excuses and avoiding taking accountability for your own life — you’re the person in charge, capable of controlling your thoughts and reactions, even if it’s for something as simple as doing the dishes, knocking out a project at work, or having the conversation with a partner that you’ve been pushing off.
9. ‘I told you so’
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While it might be reassuring in a moment of instant, yet temporary, satisfaction, nobody is cultivating healthy relationships or positive connections with judgmental wisdom. Phrases like “I told you so” aren’t healthy in relationships; they only encourage other people to feel invalidated and dismissed for speaking up or expressing their opinions in the first place.
Great parents encourage their kids to make mistakes and lead with supportive energy when others do the same — not ridicule and criticize them for making the wrong choice or suggesting a misguided opinion.
10. ‘That’s not my problem’
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Avoiding accountability, making excuses, and sabotaging healthy relationships at work or in your personal life can take many different forms, and people often rely on a phrase like this to do so. By avoiding uncomfortable situations and discussions and suggesting you don’t “owe anything” to anyone, you not only sabotage yourself from positive growth but also isolate yourself from bonding with others.
Self-awareness and compassion are two traits that great parents instill in their kids from a young age — encouraging them to go out of their way to support and help others. While they don’t do so to help themselves, experts from Harvard Health suggest these conversations and small acts of kindness can be fulfilling for a helpful person.
11. ‘It is what it is’
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You are in control of your own life — that’s a mindset, belief, and sentiment that great parents teach their kids from a young age, helping them craft routines, pursue goals, and cultivate an adult life they’re proud of, empowered by, and inspired by.
While it’s impossible to control the chaos and uncertainty of life — from loss to heartbreak and the decisions of others — it’s always within your power to control your responses, thoughts, and actions.
Great parents don’t teach their kids to rely on excuses like “it is what it is” to avoid taking accountability. Instead, they empower and uplift them with self-confidence and self-esteem that motivates them to be more intentional in adulthood.
Zayda Slabbekoorn is a staff writer with a bachelor’s degree in social relations & policy and gender studies who focuses on psychology, relationships, self-help, and human interest stories.