Your Parents Did An Outstanding Job Raising You If Were Taught These 7 Old-Fashioned Phrases
How you grew up into the confident, well-spoken person you are today.
Artur Skoniecki | Pexels Many of us parent the way we were raised. In some families, you didn’t question your parents at all. For the easy-going child, there was never a need to. I came across this quote from Dr. Shefali Tsabary clinical psychologist, author, and speaker: “We are in charge of our children but not in control of them.”
How do we balance that with wanting the best for our children and knowing our life experience can help them on their path? A friend gave me some parenting advice when my son was about 10, and it totally changed our relationship. Because it taught me how to empower him.
It starts with listening, being present, and using these old-fashioned phrases to prompt deep, thoughtful conversation. It is about connecting with your kids in an outstanding way that lets them know they have the power to spread their wings and fly.
Your parents did an outstanding job raising you if were taught these old-fashioned phrases:
1. 'What are your thoughts?'
This is a great way to draw them out and have a conversation. It is really important to stay on your side of the fence or line, and give them a safe space to share because if you advance too much or too quickly, they will retreat and the conversation will be over. They have to feel safe in letting down their defenses and the trust that is built is amazingly strong.
2. 'How do you plan to handle that?'
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I admit, the first time I asked him this question, was a bit unnerving for both of us. I took a leap of faith by not “telling” him what to do, and suddenly, he had the opportunity to choose instead of just rebel.
I could almost see the wheels turning as he figured things out. The question became easier for both of us rather quickly.
Parents asking their children how they plan to handle a situation fosters several benefits, including promoting a child's sense of autonomy, responsibility, critical thinking skills, problem-solving abilities, and overall self-esteem, strengthening the parent-child relationship through open communication and collaboration.
According to a 2023 study, while encouraging autonomy, parents should offer guidance and support when needed, explaining potential consequences and helping children navigate complex situations.
3. 'Have you considered your options?'
Sometimes, even if they know what the choices are, it allows them to have a sounding board to explore them.
Parents asking their children if they've considered their options before making a decision fosters a sense of agency, promotes better decision-making skills, and enhances the parent-child relationship by encouraging open communication and critical thinking in children.
Research by Pepperdine University explained that providing options should be tailored to the child's developmental level, ensuring they can understand and evaluate the choices presented.
4. 'Do you want to talk about it?'
You are allowing them to talk because they want to, and you’re putting the choice in their lap. Be prepared for a “No” and know that that’s okay. If they don’t want to talk right now, let it be.
They will come to you when they are ready because you left the door open for them to walk through, instead of locking them in a room with you demanding to talk about it right now.
5. 'I’m proud that you are working through this'
Every child, no matter what age, wants to know their parent is proud of them. This boosts self-confidence and reinforces new skills of working things out for themselves, as well as making wise choices.
6. 'How did that feel?'
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This is a follow-up to something they shared. It furthers the conversation and tells them you are interested in what they have to say and share. Engaging with your kids makes them strong, independent, and prepared to handle life.
It is so easy for parents to give replies with “Okay” and “um-hmmm” and not be fully present. The more you allow them to express themselves, the more they will share with you.
When parents actively ask their children how something makes them feel, it significantly benefits their emotional development by promoting a sense of being heard, understood, and validated. 2020 research concluded that this improves self-esteem, resilience, and stronger parent-child bonds.
7. 'I’m here if you need me'
Some kids want to figure things out on their own. But knowing they have a safety net (you) to catch them and guide them when they are ready is the biggest gift you can give your child to empower them. I still get calls asking my advice, thoughts, and opinions, because I sought those out in him.
My son calls me nearly every day and our conversations range from “Just wanted to say hi” to “Can I ask you a question?” I treasure how close we are and enjoy the friendship that has developed over the years. I look forward to the day he is a parent and has the joy of empowering his children.
Barbara Abramson is the Chief Relationship Officer of Making Meaningful Connections. She works with corporations, schools, senior centers, and community organizations to help people connect more deeply to themselves, to each other, and the opportunities in their lives.