10 Parenting Behaviors That Turn Sweet Little Boys Into Narcissistic Men
Parents who do these things may be unconsciously raising their boys to become toxic men.
Asier Romero / Shutterstock Parenting is not something that comes to easily to most people. Considering there's no rule book or training outside of taking parenting classes and reading all of the latest advice books, new parents often dive right into the deep end when it comes to teaching their children valuable skills and traits that can help them become acceptable members of society. As they do, they aren't aware that certain parenting behaviors can unintentionally turn sweet little boys into narcissistic men.
Research shows that narcissism is cultivated by "parents believing their child to be more special and more entitled than others." When it comes to raising boys, the ways parents interact with them can shape them into either emotionally regulated adults or individuals who struggle with a lack of empathy, narcissism, and entitlement. Frankly, we don't need any more emotionally disconnected men who feel they're above acting like decent human beings, and these behaviors are the main reason why.
Here are 10 parenting behaviors that turn sweet little boys into narcissistic men
1. Overpraising without accountability
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When parents tell a boy that he’s special without teaching responsibility, they create entitlement. He learns to expect admiration without earning it. That's why children, especially little boys need to learn the importance of responsibility and accountability without expecting anything in return. Instead, praise effort, resilience, and kindness, not just achievements.
San Francisco–based sociologist Christine Carter, PhD, explained, "If you correct their mistakes and solve their problems, kids never learn how to do it themselves."
She recommended letting kids "blow it" every once in a while and suffer the consequences of their actions. This lets them learn that messing up isn't a bad thing, and through those messes, they learn the right way to go about things.
2. Ignoring his emotions
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Upholding gender expectations, especially for little boys, often ends up creating emotionally stunted adult men. Boys being told to "toughen up" or "man up" instead of being guided through their feelings means that they'll only be forced to suppress them as they continue to grow.
Alex Wills, M.D., a board-certified psychiatrist, explained that that once men start embracing their emotions, there is a drastic change.
"As men in my practice started to emote freely, their lives started to change. Mine, too. Many of their 'emotional problems' would vanish when they started to apply the five steps and take their lives back," he wrote. "Relationships and jobs got better. Income increased. Self-esteem and physical health improved. Symptoms of depression and anxiety abated. In short, they were becoming whole again and at peace with their emotional reality."
Parents should make sure to teach little boys the importance of being emotionally aware because that's where the real strength lies.
3. Making him the center of everything
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When a child grows up in a home where they are treated as the most important person, that entitlement can quickly become their entire identity. When little boys are raised to believe that they are the center of the universe, they'll end up developing narcissistic traits, including selfishness.
Instead, parents should be setting boundaries and teaching their sons to respect others' needs as well as their own. "Boundaries are essentially about understanding and respecting our own needs, and being respectful and understanding of the needs of others," explained Stephanie Dowd, PsyD, a clinical psychologist, "and for that to work, we need to be putting a big emphasis on helping kids develop greater empathy and self-awareness."
4. Using shame as discipline
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Parents telling little boys that they're being "bad" instead of correcting the behavior and having conversations with them about what they did wrong and why they shouldn't be doing that only end up damaging the sons' self-worth. A little boy who grows up in this type of environment only ends up overcompensating his behavior with arrogance.
Instead of using shame as a tactic of discipline, parents should be teaching their sons how to take responsibility for their actions. Peggy Drexler, Ph.D., a research psychologist, adamantly spoke out against using shame as a pursuit of discipline.
"It's often difficult for parents to know how to address disappointment, especially in cases where older kids 'really should know better,'" she explained. "But it's important to remember that while discipline is crucial during all stages of raising a child, discipline is not about getting even, inducing guilt, or even punishing — all of which are forms of shaming a child. Instead, disciplining, at any age, is about correcting and guiding him toward more appropriate behavior."
5. Rewarding manipulation
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When a little boy throws a tantrum or acts out in any way, only for him to end up getting his way by guilt-tripping and manipulation, it's not long before he realizes that those actions are the best way to control conflict and get what he wants. Instead of allowing their children to play emotional games with them, parents should reinforce the importance of honesty and accountability.
"Everyone has the ability to be honest, but if you don't practice it, both you and your kids may develop the habit of cutting corners, fudging, and telling white lies because it's easier," explained Joanne Stern, Ph.D., a psychotherapist in family and couples counseling.
"As a parent," she continued, "you have the opportunity to help your kids develop the characteristic of being honest, but it has to be nurtured. Don't lower your standards, but do understand that they might not be perfect every time. Fortunately, perfection isn't one of our goals."
6. Comparing him to others
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When parents compare their child to anyone else, whether that's another family member, their friends, classmates, or even a stranger, it has a profound effect on their self-esteem. Comparisons can make a child feel small and unworthy because they feel they need to live up to unrealistic standards of others when they should be encouraged and praised for being themselves.
Instead, parents should be teaching their children, especially their little boys, that true acceptance is being comfortable in their own skin.
7. Refusing to teach him gratitude
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When children aren't taught to express gratitude and the importance of showing appreciation for others, they grow up believing that they deserve everything in life just because of who they are. Learning traits like humility and appreciation mean that children, especially little boys, don't grow up thinking everything revolves around them.
"Teaching boys to see and appreciate the ways in which others help and support them is especially important for this generation of boys who will likely end up in relationships based on equality rather than traditional gender roles," says says Joanna Schroeder, author of the book Talk To Your Boys.
"While expecting to be waited on my have been commonplace for Baby Boomer and even Generation X men, Gen Z and younger will need to pull their weight and support their partners in both career and family," Schroeder continued. "If we don't teach them to notice what needs to be done around the house or to say 'thank you' when someone helps them or does something kind, we teach them to expect a subservient partner later in life — and that just won't fly with their generation!"
Doing something as simple as teaching kids to say "thank you" after receiving a gift, even if it seems minuscule, and encouraging them to be kind to everyone because you never know what they're going through are some easy ways to ensure little boys grow into sweet men.
8. Disregarding others' needs
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Teaching little boys that other people's needs don't matter and that they should always prioritize themselves, even if it's at the expense of someone else's well-being, will only create narcissistic men in the long run. While it's important for children to learn that they shouldn't ignore their own needs, it's also vital that they learn to balance their needs with those of others.
Doing this means parents make sure their kids understand the importance of taking accountability for their actions, especially if their actions have hurt someone else, and how vital it is to be able to reach mutually comfortable compromises.
9. Reinforcing the idea of perfectionism
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No one in this entire world is perfect by any means. Parents attempting to reinforce the idea of perfectionism, especially with boys, will only create deep-seated insecurities as they grow up.
There's a difference between parents trying to encourage excellence and hard work versus demanding perfection from their children. That added pressure as they grow up will only lead to them experiencing struggles with their self-worth and emotional regulation, which hinders their ability to form healthy, positive relationships with others.
10. Modeling self-centered behavior
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Children learn everything from their parents and they observe more than their mom and dad probably realize. That's why it's important for parents to model the kind of behavior they want to see from their children — and if that behavior is frequently self-centered and narcissistic, then it's only a matter of time before their children adopt those same traits.
By children being exposed to this type of behavior, they soon learn that entitlement and manipulation are tactics that are not only normal, but necessary and justifiable means to get the things they want out of this world.
Nia Tipton is a staff writer with a bachelor's degree in creative writing and journalism who covers news and lifestyle topics that focus on psychology, relationships, and the human experience.