7 Single Mom Skills That Make Parenting Way Easier
Simple strategies to lighten the load and build a healthier life for you and your kids.
FG Trade | Canva Single parents have it pretty tough. I know because I am one, I was parented by one, and I coach them. It can be easy to start feeling overwhelmed when you're responsible for every parenting decision and everything in your kids' lives.
So, to make parenting alone easier and keep yourself from feeling overwhelmed, it's important to develop some essential coping skills that will make your job as a single parent more manageable.
Unfortunately, many single parents reach a breaking point. While there are periods of higher stress in single parenting, it is possible to push through, cope, and even thrive if you learn tried-and-true coping skills.
Here are 7 single mom skills that make parenting way easier:
1. Prioritize self-care.
Self-care isn't selfish. This is especially true for single parents; it's essential. You cannot function without getting sleep, nutrients, and exercise. You must remain healthy, strong, and resilient to deal with the volume and complexity of tasks and issues.
Take a nap while the kids are with their other parent, enjoy a bubble bath when they're sleeping, prepare nutritious meals and snacks for convenience, and hire a babysitter to attend your weekly yoga class. You don't need to splurge on costly spa days or gym memberships to practice self-care. Just dedicate a little time each day to fulfill your basic needs and nourish your soul.
2. Ask for help when needed.
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Suppose you already have extended family and friends who can pitch in. In that case, you're farther ahead than most single parents, as supported by a study in the Journal of Cross-Cultural Psychology. Often, you find yourself in a different city, with friends who have gone by the wayside or people who have distanced themselves from you after the divorce. Part of the rebuilding after a breakup is re-establishing relationships and creating new ones.
I encourage women to look for community groups and women's networks that can emotionally support them and connect them to resources like quality child care, programs for kids, and mental wellness for the family. There are also many online groups where single parents can offer an ear and a voice, which is sometimes all that's needed to get them through a more challenging day.
Don't be afraid to ask for help when needed; lend your skills, time, and compassion to others when you can.
3. Establish a predictable routine.
If you're overwhelmed by challenges that often come with divorce, your kids are likely dealing with anxiety and behavioral issues, too. As beneficial as shared parenting can be, it's also hard going from home to home — especially if parenting styles differ.
Kids (and you) need predictability. Sticking to a routine as much as possible can make transitions easier. Keeping to a parenting schedule — especially in the beginning — is essential. When life is spinning around, knowing that Monday night is with one parent and Tuesday night is with the other can give them something to hold onto. If that means a night "off" for you, take full advantage and enjoy it with some friends, or get to bed a little earlier.
Be sure to spend some dedicated quality time with your kids so you can be present with them. My daughter and I love Friday movie nights when we can unwind and bond over a good chick flick!
4. Take control of your finances.
Paying the bills is a common source of anxiety for many single parents, as evidenced by a study in the Journal of Family and Economic Issues. Regularly worrying about providing for your kids and making ends meet can put you on edge and distract you from spending quality time with your family.
Learn how to create a budget, manage your investments, cut costs, and save money. If you can, hire a financial planner, sign up for a free consultation, or ask around. It may be that someone in your circles can help you with some basics, or you can barter for a service you could provide.
As you gain a sense of security, some of that burden will ease, allowing you to focus on other aspects that contribute to your happiness.
5. Connect with your passions.
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When you give every last drop of energy to single parenting, you can lose your sense of self. But when you take the time to connect to what matters to you outside of your family and pursue your own goals and dreams, you'll be giving your kids something vital: The realization that you matter.
Take an art class at the local community center. Sing in a choir. Volunteer at a shelter. Start that side hustle. Stay grounded in your interests and talents and develop them. Research in the Indian Journal of Health and Well-Being supports that parents who invest in their personal growth and inject joy into their day will be more resilient and less overwhelmed.
6. Practice emotional awareness.
As a single parent, losing your temper under stress is easy. However, remaining calm is crucial, especially when your kids are unsettled; it's the only effective way to cope. Mindful living and mindful parenting can change your life. Give yourself a time out every day to meditate or sit quietly for ten minutes. Breathe deeply, be present and curious, and let your thoughts come and go without judgment.
Stick with it. Over time, you’ll find yourself more grounded, accepting of yourself and your kids, and able to stop your overwhelm from escalating. The next time Jamie stomps and screams that Daddy doesn't make her do the dishes, you'll be a little more understanding, calmer, and ready to respond instead of reacting.
7. Be kinder to yourself.
Walking on eggshells as a single parent can make you feel "less than." It can also trick you into feeling like you can’t cope when you can. You can do anything, and you're doing OK — probably more than OK.
Pin up some affirmations like:
- “I am calm.”
- “I am enough.”
- “I matter.”
- “I can do this.”
- “I am the best parent I can be.”
Remind yourself that single parenting is what it is. It can be challenging, but it also has its positive sides. Single parenting can bring gratitude, hope, and new opportunities.
As a single parent, there are days when you want to call for backup and no one to call. There are nights when you drop into bed exhausted from pulling off a full day at work and a second shift of playing chauffeur, activities director, chef, housecleaner, tutor, nurse, life coach, and sleep doula.
When your child is sick or when you inevitably catch their illnesses, you might be able to call your ex, but there are no guarantees. So, you slug it out because you have to and want to, hoping your boss won't grumble under her breath about another day you've had to take off work when you're already worried about carrying the financial load for your family. Let's face it: having two incomes can be less stressful than having one.
An article in the Family Relations Journal explained how emotional overwhelm can also occur despite the extra tasks and monetary burden. Seeing your kids come and go, missing holidays, and dealing with transitions when they return can also be hard to handle. Many women feel guilty about being the bad cop or imposing rules when their children’s time with their ex is like a trip to Disneyland.
It's not uncommon for single parents to think, "I feel like I can't do enough, yet I'm killing myself trying to be the best parent I can be."
When you use these coping skills, you can deal with the overwhelm and know you're building a positive future for yourself and your family.
Lisa Petsinis is an ICF-credentialed life and career transition coach. Her bylines have appeared on Psych Central, The Good Men Project, Parade, Prevention, The Minds Journal, PopSugar, and All4Women, as well as many others.