11 Reasons Gen Z Doesn't Want To Talk To Their Parents Anymore
Gen Zers are going "no contact" with their parents now more than ever.
santypan | Shutterstock Coupled with their increased accessibility to mental health resources and the link between childhood trauma and adult experiences, the reasons Gen Z doesn't want to talk to their parents anymore aren't too surprising. In fact, they're the generation who have been most likely to go "no contact" with a family member. According to a study from Psychology and Aging, there are a number of points of tension in a parent-child relationship in adulthood that can lead to extreme disconnection, especially for Gen Zers committed to setting boundaries and protecting their peace.
It's important that children feel loved, accepted, supported, and respected by their parents growing up, but it's equally necessary to find ways to cultivate those feelings in adulthood as well. Without those feelings of security and respect in a parent-child relationship, no-contact can be incredibly helpful, despite being a difficult decision.
Here are 11 reasons Gen Z doesn't want to talk to their parents anymore
1. They don't feel heard talking about their childhood
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Despite being generally more willing to discuss mental health concerns and things like childhood trauma and past experiences, according to an APA Stress in America Survey, Gen Z is finding it difficult to open up the healing conversations they need to express these emotions and work through conflict with their parents in more closed off generations.
For many parents, their lack of vulnerability isn't their fault, but rather, a symptom of their own upbringing, where they were encouraged to suppress their emotions and build their lives centered around logical things like money, instead of emotional stability or healthy boundaries, like Gen Z prioritizes.
When they're met with defensiveness, rather than sheer emotional support by their parents, Gen Zers tend to close off. They become unable to continue or nurture a relationship where they don't feel heard.
2. They feel unnecessarily judged
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Especially as they start their own lives and even their own families, it can be difficult to find a healthy balance between parents and adult children of any age.
As generational beliefs and societal norms shift to accommodate Gen Z, it can be difficult for their parents to let go and accept that they're making decisions in their best interests.
Without this innate sense of trust and understanding, many Gen Zers feel unnecessarily criticized and judged by their parents, simply for living their lives and being who they are.
Not only is this disillusioning for a person finding their identity and trying to navigate adulthood, it can generally impact the emotional well-being and stability Gen Zers are so committed to protecting.
3. They're hyper-independent
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According to clinical psychologist Carla Marie Manly, PhD, seeking too much control in our lives can typically be a sign of childhood trauma and unmet needs, a defense mechanism in adulthood against situations that our parents forced us into. When we aren't taken care of physically or emotionally, we tend to grow up too fast, growing hyper-independent before adulthood.
These same hyper-independent children grow into the same kinds of adults, being overly controlling in their relationships and sometimes avoidant to steer clear of situations like their childhoods.
By recognizing where this behavior stems from and healing the need for control by letting go, Gen Z is often forced to cut ties with their parents to avoid being thrust back into toxic scenarios that urge their defensive behaviors to show.
4. Their parents don't respect their differing opinions
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According to Pew Research Center, it's not uncommon for generations to experience constant shifts in values and their age and new age demographics take over in setting societal norms and expectations.
From family values to societal stigmas and school curriculums, there can be tension over what young people like Gen Z and their older counterparts believe is moral, just, important, and right.
Although they may not agree, it's incredibly important for parents and their kids to simply support each other when they're expressing their opinions and beliefs. They don't have to agree, but in order to maintain a healthy relationship, both people need to feel heard and understood.
Of course, amid new-age issues and the current sociopolitical culture, it's not always possible to find that kind of middle ground, compromise, or understanding with polarizing and extremely personal issues and opinions, causing many Gen Zers to separate from their families over feelings of sheer disrespect.
5. They feel resentful towards their parents
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According to a study from the Journal of Social and Personal Relationships, married parents are more likely to reconcile with estranged kids and resolve childhood conflicts than divorced and separated ones.
Especially for kids who felt manipulated or betrayed in their childhood, stuck in between separated parents or trying to keep the peace in a tumultuous home life, it's not uncommon for them to take space from that toxicity when they have the independence and autonomy to do so.
Rather than harboring that resentment with parents who are unlikely to be receptive in an open conversation, many Gen Zers choose no-contact to protect themselves, spending their time and energy on people who show up and support them without conditional expectations.
6. They don't feel respected
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While Gen Z might be more open to acknowledging and working through the harmful effects of growing up around a dysfunctional family, these symptoms never truly go away unless there's intentional healing or actions in adulthood to address them.
Whether it's therapy, healing open conversations between parents and kids, or a no-contact order, it's important that adult children protect their peace however they can.
If they don't feel respected, they have the power to make choices and end relationships that make them feel uncomfortable or unsupported. While it might be taboo to cut off a parent or go no-contact to heal from toxicity, experts from Newport Institute claim it's been shown to help adult children heal and return to family dynamics from a healthier place.
7. They feel emotionally manipulated
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Especially for adult children with narcissistic parents, emotional manipulation is one of the reasons Gen Z doesn't want to talk to their parents anymore. Not only do they feel consistently criticized and judged, they're also subject to behaviors like guilt-tripping and gaslighting to help support their parent's misguided ego or inflated sense of self.
According to narcissistic expert and author Shahida Arabi, a toxic parent will often sabotage their children with emotional blackmail to get what they want. By leveraging the shame, uncomfortable emotions, and anxiety points they know about their children, they can continue to weaponize them into adulthood, putting their relationship and their child's well-being at risk to get what they want.
8. Their boundaries are constantly overstepped
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Despite being committed to their boundaries and generally self-aware about their emotional and mental health, compared to older generations, it's not surprising that many Gen Zers struggle to have their emotional needs met and their boundaries respected by their parents.
Especially in households where open communication isn't present and adult children aren't able to find mutual understanding about their boundaries with parents, it's impossible for everyone to be on the same page and have their needs met.
9. They feel worse after spending time together
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When meeting with your parents or calling them on the phone only makes you feel more anxious and insecure, rather than empowered and loved, it might be time to re-evaluate how that relationship is actually serving your life.
While there are many reasons Gen Z doesn't want to talk to their parents anymore, many of them come back to this basic emotional baseline — feeling worse after spending time together.
It may be through the use of emotional blackmail, which psychotherapist Susan Forward defines as "a powerful form of manipulation in which people close to us threaten, either directly or indirectly, to punish us if we don't do what they want." But Gen Zers may feel worse after being with their family due to a lack of accountability from their parents, or even an inability to have an open honest conversation.
No matter the cause, Gen Zers don't mind protecting their mental health and boundaries with a decision to go no-contact.
10. They feel shamed for their decisions
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Especially considering Gen Z is financially dependent on their parents for much longer than other generations, with more burdening student loan debt, struggles finding a job, and the current housing and renting crisis, it's not surprising that there's a lot of resentment in some households over money and life decisions.
For older generations of parents that don't believe their Gen Zer's financial struggles are a symptom of the current economy, there can be a strain of the parent-child relationship, urging adult children to feel ashamed or embarrassed for "not doing enough."
When they do have the means to move out, start their own lives, and make money outside their parent's hand of support, many Gen Zers choose to cut contact for this reason, feeling belittled and invalidated in their experience at home.
11. They don't feel prioritized
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While it's incredibly important for both parents and adult children to find a new healthier balance of connection and communication later in life, where both people have the free time and autonomy to do what they want, it's important for everyone to still feel respected, heard, and valued.
Without these basic relationship principles, as outlined in a study from PLOS ONE, it's impossible to have a healthy relationship and nurture a balance where nobody is taking on unnecessary anxiety or fear. Not feeling this basic feeling of respect or understanding is one of the reasons Gen Z doesn't want to talk to their parents anymore.
Not only do they feel disregarded and unvalued, their parents actively choose other things and people over them — their own kids — which leads to more anxiety than it's often worth to maintain a relationship.
Zayda Slabbekoorn is a staff writer with a bachelor's degree in social relations & policy and gender studies who focuses on psychology, relationships, self-help, and human interest stories.