9 Warning Signs An Over-40 Guy Is BAD News (And He's Just Using You)
It's not his age that's the problem...
unsplash Are there problems with dating men over 40?
Sometimes, but it’s not about his age.
The simple fact of being over 40 and still single isn’t something to worry about.
The average age for marriage in the US is steadily creeping up (29 for men and 28 for women in the US as of 2015.) Some people take longer to feel ready for marriage and family than others.
Maybe he’s been career-focused or building a business.
He might have played the field or dated with no long-term agenda. But now he wants to settle down. Nothing wrong with that. I myself married for the first (and only) time at 43, so this is not unusual anymore.
However, if you have concerns about men over 40, here are nine red flags that let you know you’re dating a man who might not be ready for a relationship.
As a woman seeking commitment, marriage, and a family, these nine warning signs let you know you’re probably wasting time with him.
1. He asks you out sporadically.
Every couple of weeks, this guy asks you out.
You always have a great time and he does, too. The truth is, not knowing when you’ll see him next adds to the excitement ... right?
So you are patient and hope things will pick up as time goes by.
The truth is, a man over 40 who doesn’t ask you out on a regular basis (at least once a week), prefers being casual. He doesn’t want more or anything serious.
Keep in mind when a man is ready for a lasting relationship, he wants to see you frequently and finds a way — no matter how busy he is. He wants to get to know you to discover if you’re the one for him.
2. He says he’s never been in love before.
This man seems like such a great catch. He might be handsome, have a hot career, and appear to be confident and like he has his act together.
So, how is it possible that he’s never been in love before? You just can’t imagine.
Yet, here he is smiling while giving you an honest warning about himself. Something is off for him emotionally or he would have found love at least once by 40.
When you get down to the bottom of this, he’s actually letting you know he won’t love you either. Steer clear of this guy because you won’t be the one to heal him.
3. He doesn’t introduce you to his friends.
If a guy you’re seeing is truly interested, he starts to introduce you to friends after two or three months. He’s excited for them to meet you and wants to show you off.
This is such an important benchmark since you’ll learn more about him when you meet the people he hangs around with.
So, if you haven’t met his friends, be very suspicious.
This is a clear sign he’s not ready to let you too get close. That’s why he keeps you a secret.
Even if he says it’s more romantic this way, don’t believe him. If you don’t meet any of his peeps in 10 weeks, gently ask him why. He’ll either introduce you or give you a bunch of excuses which lets you know he’s not as into you as you thought.
4. His career is all-consuming.
This man is deeply wrapped up in his job which causes him to cancel or reschedule frequently.
Maybe his boss is a problem or he has a series of huge projects which require his full attention. You might think you should be patient and wait quietly for him to finish. That’s the polite thing to do.
Trouble is — there will always be another reason why he doesn’t have time for you.
He’s clearly letting you know that you’ll never be his priority.
No matter how long you wait, how many times you bring this up, or how many promises he makes to change — this is who he is. If you can’t handle not being his primary focus or you constantly want more, get out while you can.
5. He texts or calls often before you meet for the first time.
There are men who seem totally into you before you even meet. He texts you during the day or calls every night leading up to your first date.
While it appears ideal, it could be a huge red flag.
Some men do this to seduce you, building trust so you feel like you know him. By the time you meet you’re more likely to throw caution to the wind in the heat of passion on your date. Unfortunately, afterward, his attention trails off or he’ll suddenly ghost.
This is why I recommend not sleeping with a man on the first date if you’ll be heartbroken when he doesn’t call the next day…or ever again.
Better to get to know the man you’re dating to see if he’s for real or just wants to hop in the sack.
6. He only calls you when he's out.
This guy is super busy, so he calls when he has a spare moment.
Often he’s out and about or at work, but never calling from home. Regardless of what he says or how much attention he showers you with, if he’s never at home when he picks up the phone, that’s a big red flag.
Sorry to say he’s probably cheating on his wife or live-in girlfriend.
Don’t disregard this tell-tale sign about a potential cheater, make excuses for him, or overlook this important issue.
A man who is ready for a lasting relationship has nothing to hide.
7. He doesn’t introduce you his grown kids.
You think, “Finally, this could be the one.” But you still haven’t met his adult children. With young children, you can understand if it takes six months for an introduction. But what’s the story with his kids? They’re grownups!
He claims there's still a lot of drama with his ex or they’re sensitive about you, for some reason.
Don’t believe it.
This man may be committed to you but, he’s clearly demonstrating that he plans to keep your lives separate. This is not the behavior of a man who wants a full-fledged partner.
If you want the whole enchilada, he is NOT the guy.
8. He leaves first thing in the morning.
You found a great guy who has so many of the qualities you dreamed of.
The only thing that is really starting to bug you is that he leaves first thing in the morning when he stays at your place. Even on the weekends there’s no lingering with coffee or going out to breakfast.
The same is true at his place. He always finds a way to discourage you from sticking around. He has something pressing to do or other plans.
If date night never turns into a fun weekend together, this is red flag showing you that he isn’t looking for a close relationship.
This is NOT how a man who wants to settle down acts, so take note and move on.
9. He trashes women from his past.
When a man speaks poorly about other women PAY ATTENTION.
Regardless of what happened in his marriage or last relationship, if your new guy is trashing the women in his life that is NOT a good sign. He should know by 40 that this is in poor taste.
This guy is giving you a peek under the tent that he’ll never learn to respect women, including you.
Don’t let this slide or give him a pass because he’s been done wrong by his ex. That anger will likely turn on you at some point.
Related: The 7 Golden Rules Of Sexting With A Guy You REALLY, Really Like
If you want lasting love, hold out for the right man!
If you see any of these nine warning signs, it’s quite possible your great guy has a major flaw.
Don’t ignore red flags when you see them because that leads to heartbreak and a waste of your time.
Life is short — go for the good guy.
Let go of Mr. Wrong and move on to find a man who will include you in his life and appreciate what a great catch you are.
Ronnie Ann Ryan is a Dating Coach with over 15 years of experience. Want a lasting love? Listen to her free audio program "5 surefire ways to attract a quality man" for great tips.