5 Early Signs Your Relationship Is Bad News, According To Psychology
Learn when to just let go of a relationship that's not serving you.
fizkes | Canva Has your relationship been the cause of more stress than sweetness lately? Perhaps the guy who used to bring a huge smile to your lips now sparks more of a knot in your stomach, a tear in your eye, or just a plain sigh.
If it seems like your relationship has seen better days, it may be time to ask the obvious question: Is it best to move on?
Staying too long in an unhealthy relationship can be deadly. A 2005 study from Oxford University found that people who are in low-quality marriages are unhappier and fare worse health-wise than those who ultimately get divorced.
Here are 5 early signs your relationship is bad news, according to psychology:
1. It hurts more than it feels good
A happy, healthy love feels good most of the time. Sure, even good relationships include an argument now and then, but if you feel sad, mad, or anxious more of the time than not, it’s a clear sign this isn’t the right relationship for you.
Being anxious while dating is normal, to a point. Too much anxiety in a relationship can affect your mental health and could be a sign the two of you aren't a match, research tells us.
2. What you used to love is now annoying
Opposites attract and in the beginning, they can create hot chemistry. But over time, those differences can breed contempt. So, at first, when your outgoing boyfriend was the life of the party, maybe your shy side felt alive, important, and attractive.
But now, you find his endless energy-draining, and his flirtatious, extrovert behavior makes you feel insecure.
Once the sparks die down, if your fundamental personality differences become the source of constant conflict, realize it isn’t fair to ask either of you to change who you are. Move on to a better fit instead.
3. You’d rather be somewhere, anywhere else
At the start of a romance, you want to be together all of the time. You text and call constantly and spend every available moment together.
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While it’s normal for that to die down to allow back in your other interests, if you find you just feel apathetic about being together, avoiding his calls, or always scheduling some girl time instead, that’s a red flag alert.
Apathy about your partner has an even worse prognosis than vicious fighting because if you are bored and just don’t care anymore, it usually means your connection has run its course. Better to part as friends now.
4. You keep having the same old fights
The mark of a relationship that works is being able to resolve conflicts to create a deeper connection.
If you keep fighting over the same issues, over and over, with very little progress, it’s a clue that a fundamental part of your personality just isn’t the right match.
You might as well admit that you don’t naturally meet each other's needs and move on to a partner who doesn’t have to twist himself into a pretzel to be your dream guy.
5. You’ve developed a wandering eye
When you’re really into a guy, you naturally only have eyes for him. It’s as if your guy-dar turns off and no other man exists in the world.
If suddenly your barista is looking cute, you’re making excuses to talk to the cute co-worker in the next cubicle, or you’ve accepted a lunch offer from your ex, chances are your heart has become curious about new possibilities.
By paying attention to the most obvious signs that it’s time to move on, you can honor both yourself and your partner and give both of you the biggest gift of all: The freedom to find a love that’s meant to last.
Jennifer Oikle, PhD is a clinical psychologist and former contributor to GalTime.