11 Signs A Man Might Be A Nightmare To Be Married To
It can be easy to be blind when it comes to love, but don't ignore these signs of a potential nightmare marriage.
John Sommer | Canva I have been in many terrible relationships that seemed so promising when we first began dating that at times I've sworn I would never date anyone again. So often, a guy would seem like my ideal vision of a dreamboat ... until reality hit the fan and he turned out to be a nightmare.
Naturally, people have asked me if I didn’t notice red flags in men I was seeing when our relationships first began. Taking that advice and believing in giving people the benefit of the doubt, I gave those men who concerned me a shot — only to soon find myself horribly burned, then blamed by those same advisers for not noticing "all of those red flags" until later.
Make no mistake about it, most of those red flags I consciously chose to ignore directly contributed to the eventual (and in hindsight, inevitable) breakups of those relationships.
Here are the signs a man might be a nightmare to be married to:
1. He pushes you to commit more quickly than you feel comfortable with
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Finding a guy who presents himself as loyal and marriage-ready may understandably seem great. The fact remains, however, that many guys I've dated pressured me into committing to them not because they loved me, but because they wanted to lock me down.
Men who did this often see you as their property, or as someone who could more easily be controlled if you feel you've committed to making a relationship with them work. What follows in situations like this often includes abuse, stalking, and more.
2. He brags about his chivalry
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I wish this wasn’t a red flag, but much of the time, it's a warning sign when a man talks a big game about how chivalrous he is. Men like this don’t see women as their fellow humans. but rather as objects that only exist to provide services for their pleasure.
This often indicates an underlying need for validation and a lack of genuine respect for women. It could also signify manipulative behavior, especially if the person expects praise or special treatment for his 'gentlemanly' actions. A study published by Louisiana State University explained that true chivalry comes from a place of respect and consideration, not a desire to be seen as 'better' than others.
3. He’s a self-proclaimed 'old-fashioned type of guy'
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Do you want to be barefoot and pregnant, stuck inside a kitchen for the rest of your life? Because that’s what many guys who proudly proclaim themselves to be “old-fashioned” want from their potential wives.
Guys who believe strongly in hyper-traditional gender roles tend to be misogynistic and controlling. They're often just masking their superiority complex under their “good old-fashioned boy” veneer.
4. He has a tragic history when it comes to his past relationships
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I've come to realize that many men who talk about having had terrible exes were often the real abusers in their past relationships. Unless you want to hear their smear campaigns going around about you in a year, you should probably skip this one.
A man with a history of failed relationships can be considered a red flag in dating, as it may signal underlying issues with communication, commitment, or unhealthy relationship patterns that could potentially repeat in future partnerships.
A study published in Personality and Individual Differences concluded that this is especially concerning if he consistently blames past partners for breakups without acknowledging his role in the issues.
5. He talks a lot about what a nice guy he is
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This has become a de facto warning sign for Nice Guy Syndrome these days, but the truth is that some women still fall for it. Those who do most frequently do so because others goad them into it, saying they should “just give him a chance."
Women often find themselves in this position because they want to avoid looking shallow. Incidentally, I became perfectly okay with being considered a shallow brat after caving and dating one too many of these narcissistic Nice Guys.
6. He never went through a rebellious stage
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I'm a true believer that a person needs to have a wild phase to get it out of their system and learn about themselves. If he has never rebelled, he will eventually resent those who got to sow their wild oats.
Resentment can lead to abusive behavior in relationships, including a lot of condescension. And who’s to say he won’t want to show his oats later on — and drop you completely when he does?
While a rebellious phase is considered a typical part of adolescence, not everyone experiences it similarly. Some individuals exhibit minimal rebellious behavior due to strong parental relationships, a secure sense of self, and a supportive environment that allows for a healthy expression of independence.
However, a 2019 study found that some level of pushing boundaries is still considered normal development, and a complete lack of rebellious behavior could indicate potential issues with assertiveness or difficulty developing autonomy.
7. He loves telling cool stories in which he’s the hero
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Of course, he would. Everyone does. But the thing is that, in most cases, people who are decent human beings don’t feel a need to constantly talk about what outstanding human beings they are. It’s classically narcissistic behavior.
8. He wants you to spend every second of every day with him
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Overly clingy behavior isn’t attractive. Men often lay out an expectation of spending extreme amounts of time together when what they want is to isolate their partner from other people.
And even if your ensuing isolation isn't intentional, it’s often a sign of desperation and a lack of healthy boundaries you soon won’t want to deal with. A man who wants to spend every second of every day with you could indicate an intense infatuation, potential codependency, or a lack of healthy boundaries within a relationship.
A 2022 study found that this desire for constant validation and closeness can often harm both partners in the long run. Expecting always to be together can lead to disappointment and conflict when boundaries are needed.
9. He’s 'all about positivity' and straight up says he won’t tolerate drama or negative people
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Who doesn’t like a sunny, smiley demeanor? Well, me, that’s who! When someone is way too happy or seems like he’s doing that oddly corporate 'smile-happy' look, chances are that he’s using that inauthentic positivity to manipulate others into not complaining about him or things he doesn't want to be bothered with.
When a guy responds to your valid expressions of emotion by shaming you for not being positive or telling you he doesn't want to be with someone who has drama in their life, what he's saying is that he wants the relationship to revolve around him.
He can't be bothered to listen to your needs, and he certainly doesn't want to know about it if those needs might in any way inconvenience him. When you start getting real with him, he will likely be quick to drop you like a rock regardless of how long you’ve been with him.
10. He’s a deeply religious person, and you're not
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Though there are some legitimately devout people out there, there are also many people who use what they say are their religious beliefs as an excuse to abuse, control, or even scam people.
A good rule of thumb I learned is that people who are truly good, faithful people will not make an effort to push their beliefs on others, nor will they shame them, judge them, or make their lives miserable because they don't see things the same way.
Having a partner with significantly different religious views can present challenges in a relationship, potentially leading to strain and conflict, primarily if the beliefs are firmly held and not openly discussed.
However, research from The Journal for the Scientific Study of Religion concluded that couples can navigate these differences and build a successful partnership with open communication, mutual respect, and a willingness to understand each other's perspectives.
11. His behavior regularly includes childish mannerisms
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This can be cute in small doses, but it’s not cute if he acts like such a baby to such an extent that he won’t control his spending, throws tantrums when he doesn't get his way, or won’t move out of his parent’s house. If you think you may be experiencing depression or anxiety as a result of ongoing emotional abuse, you are not alone.
Domestic abuse can happen to anyone and is not a reflection of who you are or anything you've done wrong. If you feel as though you may be in danger, there is support available 24/7/365 through the National Domestic Violence Hotline by calling 1-800-799-7233. If you’re unable to speak safely, text LOVEIS to 1-866-331-9474.
Ossiana Tepfenhart is a writer whose work has been featured in Yahoo, BRIDES, Your Daily Dish, Newtheory Magazine, and others.