If A Man Does These 11 Things, Psychology Says He Doesn't Respect You
Signals that mean a man is pulling away because he does not respect you.
mimagephotography | Canva Guys are strange creatures. Though most can tell right off the bat if they want to be with you, sometimes they need a little extra time. The problem with guys is that it's often hard to tell whether he isn't sure about you, or if he just genuinely doesn't respect you and is using you as a "placeholder" or a fling.
If you notice the signs listed below, chances are that he's not sure about you or that he's using you. The big telltale difference between the two all lies in how much time has passed. So, if it's taking too long for him to decide, it may be time to decide for him.
If a man does these things, psychology says he does not genuinely respect you:
1. He seems insecure about his ability to keep you satisfied
This is a sign that he's doubting that you're able to stay loyal to him, or that he's worried you aren't sincere about your interest in him. He might feel intimidated by you at this point and may feel more comfortable with someone who isn't as attractive or intimate.
2. You get the feeling you may have raised some yellow or red flags with him
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Has he seemed concerned about one or two things? If so, he might have doubts based on a red flag you raised with him.
Identifying warning signs or behaviors in a relationship that could indicate unhealthy dynamics often encourages individuals to address these concerns early on to prevent further issues and potentially protect their emotional well-being. A 2019 study concluded key aspects include the cognitive biases that can lead people to ignore red flags, the importance of open communication, and the potential consequences of not addressing them.
3. He stalls on major commitment milestones
Is he hemming and hawing about actually calling you his girlfriend? Are you still engaged after three years?
Has he been avoiding the topic of meeting his parents? If so, he might be mulling over whether or not he really wants to be with you.
4. You have a nagging feeling that he's ogling other girls
This could be a sign that he's just not sure whether you're the right one for him, or whether he's "settling." If he doesn't see what you're worth, you need to move on. This guy will most likely be a cheater in the making.
Feeling like your partner is ogling other women can be interpreted as a sign of disrespect, undermining your self-esteem, and potentially damaging to the relationship, even if the partner isn't actively flirting or intending to cheat. An American Psychological Association study found this perception often stems from insecurity and can be exacerbated by a lack of clear communication regarding relationship boundaries around attraction and gaze behavior.
5. He doesn't let you touch his phone
This is often a sign that he might still have other girls he's talking to. It could also be a sign that he's talking to his guy friends about you and that he might have misgivings about dating you. If you get a bad feeling in your gut about his reactions, it may be time to cut ties with him.
6. At times, he just seems distracted
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Usually, this sign comes in the form of lagging replies or just really distant behavior. If he seems distracted, it could be because he's just not sure whether the relationship is going in the direction that he wants.
Feeling like your partner is distracted can stem from perceptions of disengagement, a lack of attention, and potential underlying issues like poor communication, stress, or even undiagnosed conditions.
These issues can lead to insecurity, disconnection, and a sense of not being valued in the relationship. Researchers from a 2009 study on relational distancing, including behaviors like avoidance, disengagement, and cognitive dissociation, concluded a partner might feel mentally detached from the relationship due to perceived distractions.
7. He flat-out told you that he's still deciding
This is the clearest indicator that he's either unsure or stringing you along. If he can't make up his mind within a reasonable amount of time, it's time to move on.
Feeling like your partner is undecided often falls under relationship ambivalence. This describes a state where one or both partners think unsure or conflicted about their commitment to the relationship, leading to uncertainty and a lack of clarity about the future trajectory of the partnership.
A study published in Current Opinion in Psychology found that ambivalence can stem from unresolved conflicts, a lack of open communication, significant life changes, fear of commitment, past relationship experiences, or simply drifting apart over time.
8. He doesn't tell you much about his life
He won't tell you much about where he works, where he lives, or even what his friends do for fun if he's still feeling you out. The surer he becomes about you, the more likely it is that he'll start gabbing.
9. It often seems like a hot-and-cold game with him
If a guy is acting like a moody teenager, he can't make up his mind about you. Honestly, though, if he's acting this mercurially, do you want to deal with that? Even if he does decide he wants you, a guy this moody should probably take a hike.
The hot-and-cold dynamic in relationships is often referred to as ambigamy. It describes a pattern in which a partner displays inconsistent affection, sometimes appearing very close and attentive, then suddenly withdrawing emotionally, leaving the other person confused and unsure about the relationship's status.
Research published in the Journal of Aggression, Conflict, and Peace Research found this behavior can be linked to underlying issues like fear of intimacy, attachment insecurity, or even manipulative tendencies.
10. Overall, his answers are pretty vague
This is a sign that he's either unsure of you or that he's already made a decision to dump you. Regardless of which option it is, it's probably best to try to get a solid answer out of him when it comes to where you stand. At the very least, you'll be able to figure out what to do from there, rather than try to play mind reader.
11. You don't feel like his top priority
A guy who isn't sure about a girl or doesn't want a relationship with her will not make her his top priority. It's just that simple. Feeling like you are not your partner's top priority is often linked to feelings of insecurity and low self-esteem and can significantly impact relationship satisfaction.
A study published in Personality and Individual Differences supports this. The study explored this concept through attachment theory, perceived partner responsiveness, and communication patterns within relationships. Furthermore, when a partner is dealing with significant external stressors, their focus may shift away from the relationship, leading to feelings of being neglected.
Ossiana Tepfenhart is a writer whose work has been featured in Yahoo, BRIDES, Your Daily Dish, Newtheory Magazine, and others.