13 Subtle Signs You Should Break Up, Even If Your Relationship Is 'Fine'
Why are you willing to stay in a relationship that's only mediocre?
Antonio_Diaz | Canva I hate to say it, but sometimes, good relationships shouldn’t continue. It’s sad, but not every healthy, happy relationship will last forever — or should last, for that matter. Over time, decent relationships that should be ended but continue often end up devolving into unhealthy nightmares. This is doubly true if the relationship in question is only superficially fine, too.
Are you worried that you might be in a relationship that really, truly shouldn’t continue? Here are some signs you should end your relationship before things get ugly.
Here are 13 subtle signs you should break up, even if your relationship is 'fine:'
1. You’re not actually attracted to him, but he treats you well
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This is a bad, bad sign. While you might not think that this is such a big deal now, it will get harder and harder to be intimate with him. Eventually, you will not be able to do it, your partner will be seriously hurt, and things will come to an awful head. Do your partner a favor and dump him now, so that you don’t end up breaking his soul later.
2. You go out with him because you feel like you’re supposed to
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I honestly believe “supposed to” is one of the most dangerous phrases in the English language. Nothing is ever “supposed to” happen to people because people are humans, not robots. If you’re not enjoying him, don’t date him.
3. He and you have polar opposite goals in life
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He wants to live in the country, you’re a city girl. He wants a housewife; you want to be the CEO of a Fortune 500. In the short run, things might work out as long as you have a compromise. However, in the long run, one of you will be very likely to resent the other over these decisions. Compromises are important in a relationship, but not when you start to lose yourself research from The Journal of Happiness confirms this.
4. He doesn’t fully act like he’s attracted to you, but he treats you well otherwise
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Much like if you weren’t attracted to him, his attraction to you is a non-negotiable thing. If he doesn’t want to sleep with you or doesn’t satisfy you in bed, it will end up hurting you in the long run. It’s better to cut things off now than to wait until your self-esteem dies.
5. You know for a fact that you don’t want to end up with this person permanently
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I may be different in this way, but most people aren’t. You can’t just get yourself attracted to a person, nor is it always possible to adapt to life with a person you aren’t totally head-over-heels for. If you’re holding out for someone “so much better” or if you know you’d go nuts being with him forever, don’t do it.
6. You can’t introduce them to your family or friends without embarrassment
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One thing I’ve noticed is that this is often one of the biggest signs your relationship is doomed, even if it’s okay. If you feel ashamed of dating someone, you’re not going to end up feeling happy with them in the long run, regardless of how well they treat you.
7. When you describe your partner, your go-to description is “He’s so nice...”
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Look, there are a lot of things that should be nice: ice cream, summer visits to family, and drinking, to name a few. But your partner? Your partner should be handsome. Your partner should be incredible. If this is your go-to phrase for your partner, you might not actually be in love with them.
8. No matter how hard you try, you can’t seem to be happy with him
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If you’re not happy, you’re not happy. Sometimes, you’re just not right for one another, even if you should work well on paper. It’s okay, to be honest with yourself about this and say it’s time to move on.
9. You regularly find yourself debating whether you should stay single or not
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An inner debate like this tells volumes about how you’re feeling. Be objective here: Do you get treated well? Do you feel comfortable with your partner? If either of these questions isn't quite on point, you need to reevaluate things.
10. Your friends try to talk you out of dating them
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There are many times in your life when you will not realize how bad things really are. Most of the time, this happens with dating and it’s often your friends who will be the ones to try to talk to you and convince you to do something for your own good.
If your friends sit you down and tell you that they’re worried about you because of who you’re dating, listen to them. They may be onto something.
11. You regularly try to bail on him or come up with excuses not to sleep with him
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These are serious signs you should end your relationship. It’s painful for the person you’re bailing on to realize you don’t prioritize them or like them. It’s even more painful to drag a relationship on when you both know that this is the case.
Don’t do this to your partner. Show some respect and drop them so they can find someone right for them.
12. One of you likes the concept of you (or your partner) more than who you really are
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There’s a very big difference between the idea of something, and how something is. It’s like seeing a costumed character IRL versus what you see in cartoons.
If you like the concept of them on paper, more than who they are in real life, you need to break up. You can’t fall in love with something that isn’t there and expect a good relationship to come from it.
13. You feel in your gut like you settled
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This is a bad feeling and over time it might cause resentment as the years pass. If you feel like you’re settling or just getting a “raw deal,” just break it off.
One study states that 73% of married people feel like they settled in their relationships. Your partner will be more hurt by realizing that you think of them that way than you’d ever know.
Ossiana Tepfenhart is a writer whose work has been featured in Yahoo, BRIDES, Your Daily Dish, New Theory Magazine, and others.