10 Small Things That Slowly Destroy A Happy Marriage
If you're not careful, these small things can slowly start to erode at the foundation of a loving marriage.
suriyachan / Shutterstock Marriage is a journey filled with love, care, and compassion. It requires both people involved to not only give it their all, but be considerate of how their actions will affect the other person. Small, everyday behaviors, whether they're intentional or not, can erode the connection that you have with your significant other, even if you have all of the love in the world for them.
Without even realizing it, these habits can create a vast amount of space between you and your partner. That's why it's important to not only stay aware of habits that could be driving a rift between you and your partner, but to work towards exhibiting more positive behaviors that will nurture and strengthen your bond instead of weakening it.
Here are 10 small things that slowly destroy a happy marriage
1. Lack of communication
Srdjan Randjelovic | Shutterstock
Communication is considered the backbone of any relationship. If you're not able to communicate your feelings with the person you're married to or have an honest dialogue about problems, issues, or even those small daily frustrations, then over time, that can erode the foundation of even the happiest marriage.
"When we communicate lovingly with our partners (even about things that drive us mad), we increase our chances of getting our point across and help bolster the bonds that matter the most," explained psychotherapist Katherine Schreiber Cullen, MFA, LCSW.
Many couples end up falling into the routine and pattern that is most comfortable for them and forget that to keep their bond, they need to communicate in a healthy manner about everything and anything.
2. Lack of affection
Gorodenkoff | Shutterstock
A 2023 study published in Scientific Reports found that affectionate touch is an essential part of any loving relationship. Things like holding hands, kissing, hugging, and cuddling show your partner that you care about them and have an endless amount of love for them. The minute affection stops, it's not long before the emotional connection begins to weaken as well.
It can get to the point where couples start putting distance between each other, even if they might be physically close. This can lead to feelings of frustration that your partner is no longer as invested in the marriage as they may have once been.
3. Constant criticism and scrutiny
Dragana Gordic | Shutterstock
Offering your significant other any form of criticism, whether it's constructive or offered out of love and wanting the other person to grow, is part of any relationship. However, issues arise when you start nitpicking and scrutinizing everything that your partner is doing, even when they make it known that it's doing nothing but hurting their feelings.
"Healthy feedback is about the behavior and not the person," Kurt Smith, a therapist in Roseville, California, explained. "We can tell our partner what we think or how we feel without criticizing them as an individual."
At the heart of any piece of criticism that you have your partner should always be love and respect.
4. Not supporting each other's dreams
StockPhotoDirectors | Shutterstock
In a marriage, both people should always want to support the other's dreams, goals, and aspirations. When one person starts to invalidate or dismiss their partner's dreams, it only leads to a major rift because they start to feel as though their passions and ambitions are not being heard and are unworthy of attention from the person they love.
"Lack of support from your partner when it comes to your career can cause problems, and resolving them is not always easy. In fact, having to make a choice between your career and your relationship can lead to the end of one or both of those things," explained men's counseling expert Kurt Smith.
Over time, the dismissal of your partner's dreams can make them feel as if they need to shrink themselves down just to stay in the marriage.
5. Disrespecting boundaries
StockPhotoDirectors | Shutterstock
Boundaries exist to maintain a certain level of respect and consistency in a relationship, especially something long-term as a marriage. Whether it's emotional, physical, or mental boundaries, they are there for a reason and should always be respected. In the cases where they're not, it can cause serious issues in the relationship. Over time, continuing to disrespect the boundaries of your partner just makes it difficult for the relationship to thrive.
"It is important to be aware that deep emotional harm can occur from repeated boundary violations," explained Katie Lorz, LMHC, a trauma and relationship counselor. "If your boundaries are being ignored or challenged, and you have tried to communicate them without success, it may be time to end the relationship."
6. Taking each other for granted
PeopleImages.com - Yuri A | Shutterstock
Just because you're married, it doesn't mean your partner will always choose to remain with you, especially if their needs aren't being met or they feel as if they're being taken for granted. Small gestures and moments of gratitude can really make or break a relationship, and sometimes when you fall into a place where you are too comfortable, you begin to forget that your partner still needs to feel valued and appreciated.
When that effort and acknowledgement begin to fade, one or both partners can start to feel unappreciated. The key is to never just assume that your partner always knows how you feel about them, but take the time to actually show them through gestures.
7. Not spending quality time together
NDAB Creativity | Shutterstock
Quality time is more than just existing in the same space together. It's about actually carving out time to spend with your significant other, and it doesn't have to be extravagant. It can be something as simple as taking a walk together when you both get home from work or having daily check-in phone calls if you're apart. It's about doing activities together and trying to involve your partner in the things that interest you.
The moment you stop spending quality time together, the emotional connection can begin to weaken. Without those intentional moments of bonding, you're missing out on continuing to show how much you appreciate being around the person you love.
8. Holding grudges
Zamrznuti tonovi | Shutterstock
Nothing good ever comes from holding a grudge against someone, especially someone that you're in love with and married to. While it's natural to get annoyed or angry with your partner, that's usually when it's a good idea to air out any grievances instead of holding onto them.
Keeping all of that anger inside only leads to feelings of resentment against your significant other. Letting go doesn't mean ignoring the problem or brushing it under the rug but rather being able to have a constructive and healthy conversation where you both vow to move past it and learn from those past mistakes.
9. Inability to compromise
PeopleImages.com - Yuri A | Shutterstock
Like any other kind of partnership, marriage requires a certain level of compromise to make sure that both partners always feel valued and respected. Whether that means trying to find a middle ground or letting the other person make the final decision and vice versa, being able to compromise can be the difference between a long-lasting relationship and something that just ends up fizzling and burning out.
It means having to make sacrifices every now and again, while also ensuring that it's not just one-sided. It's about balance and being able to respect your partner enough to make sure that you're not always stepping on their toes.
10. Comparing your partner to others
Irene Miller | Shutterstock
Comparison is something that can truly put a dent in any relationship. No one wants to hear about how they're not as good, successful, thoughtful, or loving as someone else, especially when those words come from their partner. Every couple is different and it's those differences that make it special.
If you're constantly making a habit of comparing your partner to others, it will only create seeds of jealousy and inadequacy. They'll start to believe that they're not enough for you, no matter how much effort you might be putting into the relationship.
Nia Tipton is a staff writer with a bachelor's degree in creative writing and journalism who covers news and lifestyle topics that focus on psychology, relationships, and the human experience.