11 Small Ways To Ruin A Marriage With A Good Husband
When a wife neglects the small things, a marriage with even the best partner can suffer.
Photoroyalty | Shutterstock Being married to a good husband is a gift that's incredibly rare. With their positive attitude and helpful actions, good husbands make marriage look easy. But sometimes, for one reason or another, wives may not realize all the small ways to ruin a marriage with a good husband that they are actively part of.
From constantly criticizing him for small mistakes to expecting perfection, wives can ruin a perfectly healthy and normal relationship with a great man. Even so, just because people engage in this behavior doesn't mean the marriage is over. By recognizing their errors, they can work on correcting their unhelpful behavior, creating a strong bond in the process.
Here are 11 small ways to ruin a marriage with a good husband
1. Refusing to admit being the wrong
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In a marriage, it's normal for arguments to occur. Whether it's small arguments about the dishes not being washed or bigger disagreements like finances, both partners need to admit when they're wrong. Unfortunately, letting ego get in the way is one of the small ways to ruin a marriage with a good husband.
Stubbornness and pride can cause a once beautiful marriage to fall into ruin as a result of being unable to apologize, admit fault, and promise to do better next time. With this in mind, partners should ensure that their actions are genuine when apologizing. According to a study from Frontiers in Psychology, maintaining eye contact enhances recognition of emotional expression, helping an apology to come off as more sincere.
So, if a wife truly wants to keep her marriage alive, it's important to maintain eye contact and be honest. Don't let pride push a good husband away. Otherwise, he may grow resentful and emotionally check out.
2. Constantly criticizing him
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Most people have heard of the nagging wife stereotype. Whether it's on television, movies, or out in public, some wives constantly criticize and belittle their husbands. Though it's one of the small ways to ruin a marriage with a good husband, resentment is usually to blame.
After asking their husbands to change multiple times, it can grow tiring to repeat themselves. After all, feeling unheard in a relationship is a damaging thing and can quickly build contempt. And according to the Gottman Institute, contempt is one of the predictors of divorce.
Despite their imperfections, good husbands genuinely make an effort to change and evolve. Sure, they might fall and repeat the same pattern every so often, but remember that changing a deeply ingrained behavior doesn't happen overnight.
It's important to give a good husband the benefit of the doubt, and as long as he's holding himself accountable and genuinely making an effort, it's best to uplift him instead of tearing him down.
3. Not being romantic
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Whether online or in entertainment, people constantly see examples of men going all out for their wives or girlfriends. Buying expensive flowers, making grand gestures, or taking them on expensive dates, these men do everything to show their appreciation and love. But rarely do people see girlfriends or wives doing the same, despite men wishing they would.
That's not to say it doesn't happen, but compared to the expectations of men, women have it much easier when it comes to romance. But rather than female partners seeing romance as something they don't need to worry about, one study from the European Journal of Personality found that people who believe that relationships can grow through effort are increasingly more likely to feel satisfied in them.
Wives show their love in other ways aside from verbally expressing it, whether it's planning a date, giving a nice back rub, or picking up his favorite dessert. It's all to keep the romance alive, rather than letting it fizzle out slowly.
4. Avoiding vulnerability
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Opening up and being vulnerable is incredibly difficult, but equally as important in keeping a marriage strong. Having to sit down and discuss uncomfortable emotions and find solutions is exhausting, but refusing to have these conversations is a small way to ruin a marriage with a good husband.
Good communication is the cornerstone of any healthy and long-lasting relationship. And according to a study published in Frontiers in Psychology, responding constructively toward a partner leads to better relationship satisfaction. Even if it's scary, both partners should be courageous and unafraid to discuss what's on their minds without feeling guilty or uncomfortable about it.
Of course, it's easier said than done. But if a wife truly trusts her husband, and vice versa, being vulnerable and honest should feel like a relief, not a burden.
5. Never expressing gratitude
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Good husbands go above and beyond for their wives. They do things that make her life easier, whether it's giving her a spa day, cleaning up the kitchen, or letting her sleep a few extra hours. In short, they consider their wives' needs. And though they don't respect anything in return for it, when a wife doesn't express gratitude, it can quickly make a husband feel unloved.
Feeling appreciated is often the difference between thriving or crumbling in life. According to a study published in the Current Opinion in Psychology, feeling understood in a relationship helps buffer against negative experiences and can even promote more connection between partners.
If a wife notices her husband going above and beyond, she shouldn't hesitate to say thank you with a simple hug or a present. Even if it's something small like folding the laundry, it shows she's putting in effort.
6. Comparing him to others
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By comparing a person to someone else, it immediately hurts their self-esteem. As such, comparing a partner to another is a hurtful but small way to ruin a marriage with a good husband.
While it's important to be realistic and grounded, expecting a husband who does his best to meet an unachievable standard isn't kind. And as research from Personality and Social Psychology Bulletin found, upward comparison leads to less relationship satisfaction in both people. Additionally, these negative effects can last for months if partners aren't careful.
Despite this, comparison isn't always bad. For instance, comparison of behavior can be useful when determining if the way a partner is treating you is acceptable or not. However, being realistic and understanding that other people's relationships aren't as glamorous as they make it out to be is the best way to avoid ruining a marriage.
7. Being unreliable
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Every now and then, it's normal to cancel on plans or not follow through on responsibilities. It's just part of life. Sometimes, people need a little time to recover and get their life back together. But consistently being unreliable in a marriage is how to push away a good husband.
Perhaps it's making him run late for work, saying you'll take the garbage out and then forgetting to do it, or ignoring his pleas for some alone time away from the kids. No matter what it is, it creates unnecessary stress and frustration.
Wives should be wary of being seen as unreliable or disorganized. At the end of the day, everyone, especially good husbands, deserves to have someone they can lean on. And if a wife actively proves she's unreliable time and time again, the relationship can quickly become dysfunctional.
8. Taking stress out on him
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Life can get stressful, with work, financial problems, and family life. But that's no excuse for a wife to ever take her stress out on her husband, especially if he's a gem of a guy, and even more so because it's a small way to ruin a marriage with a good husband.
With today's political and social climate, it's no surprise that people are stressed and on edge. But releasing that stress onto someone innocent isn't the proper reaction. Constantly engaging in this type of behavior can turn a good marriage toxic and unsupportive. Good husbands will grow anxious and frustrated at their wives' uncalled for behavior, and emotionally drift away.
According to anger management educator Pamela Aloia, "When we are angry, especially consistently, it's easy to see things as negative; anger overshadows and overpowers. Finding the light is difficult when we can't see anything but darkness. But giving ourselves a tangible reminder that there is always light available to us can offer us a simple ray of hope. A photo, a necklace, a quote, and even a flashlight can provide a physical reminder that our light within exists."
As such, there are plenty of ways to release stress instead of taking it out on a romantic partner. Maybe it's exercising daily, finding a moment to meditate, or partaking in a self-care routine. No matter what it is, finding healthier alternatives is the best way for couples to keep their marriage healthy and safe.
9. Expecting him to be perfect
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Nobody is perfect, so expecting a spouse or partner to be is completely unrealistic. Everyone has flaws, but sometimes, a wife may require absolute perfection from her husband, ruining a happy marriage and creating tension.
Marriage isn't always sunshine and rainbows; it's quite messy at times. Even the best husband in the world will make mistakes that set their wives off. But wives should ask themselves this question to determine if this marriage is the right fit: Can I handle their flaws? If the answer is yes, the next step is letting go of those perfectionistic tendencies.
Not only does perfectionism cause partners to feel unappreciated, but it can cause a load of stress. As one study from the International Journal of Environmental Research and Public Health found, students with perfectionist tendencies are increasingly likely to experience fatigue, anxiety, depression, and anxiety. And the same can be said in relationships.
Wives should remember that every person is different and their standards won't fit every mold. They can learn to compromise and find ways to appreciate their husband, despite his flaws. Because, at the end of the day, she has flaws, too.
10. Ignoring his feelings
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Unintentionally, a wife may ignore her husband's feelings without meaning to. She may be so caught up in her own emotions and daily experiences that she neglects to check in with her partner. Unfortunately, this is one of the small ways to ruin a marriage with a good husband.
Maybe he had a bad day at work and wants some comfort, or is feeling low about the current state of the world. Whatever it is, it's up to a spouse or partner to offer emotional support, whether it's a long hug, a listening ear, or encouragement to seek out professional help.
For husbands who feel ignored, relationship coaches Susie & Otto Collins suggest ways to reconnect, including meeting your own needs, focusing on solutions, and having a conversation with your partner.
Everyone wants to feel heard; human beings are social creatures that need socialization and support to thrive, after all. And making a conscious effort is the best way to avoid ruining a relationship.
11. Being unsupportive
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A spouse is supposed to be their partner's biggest supporter, no matter what. A good husband will be there for his wife through thick and thin, being her cheerleader from the sidelines and having her back every step of the way. But wives can ruin a marriage with a good husband by being unsupportive of his needs.
It might be easy for unsupportive wives to cast doubt on their husband's aspirations or dreams, criticizing and breaking him down for thinking these will bring happiness and success. But all this does is push him away and make him feel low and unloved.
According to professor and psychology expert Gary W. Lewandowski Jr. PhD, partners can be supportive in nonverbal ways.
"'Invisible support' occurs when your partner does things for your benefit, but you don't realize it. Your partner is there, working silently in the background trying to make your life easier. They don't mention it, and never ask for recognition or benefits in return. They simply do it because it helps you," he said.
Wives need to give their great husbands a little grace. The least she can do is offer a supportive hug or word of encouragement, not bring negativity into his life.
Marielisa Reyes is a writer with a bachelor's degree in psychology who covers self-help, relationships, career, family, and astrology topics.