11 Things A Husband Should Never Have To Beg His Wife For
A healthy marriage is all about give and take, after all.
PeopleImages.com - Yuri A | Shutterstock A healthy marriage requires both partners to have their emotional needs met. Those needs may include spending quality time together, compromising, and feeling heard in conversation. Unfortunately, those needs may go unnoticed as time passes, especially for men in the relationship.
Even wives can forget to show up for their partners, making their husbands feel alone and unsupported. But there are certain things a husband should never have to beg his wife for in order to maintain a good connection and thriving marriage. And usually, it's the most basic needs of all.
Here are 11 things a husband should never have to beg his wife for
1. Common decency and respect
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One of the most basic things a husband should never have to beg his wife for is showing him common decency and respect.
Mutual respect is essential for any relationship to work and, according to licensed marriage and family therapist Saba Harouni Lurie, it "looks like speaking to one another in a respectful and considerate fashion, keeping your partner in mind when you're making decisions, and responding to your partners needs and wants."
A lack of respect can easily lead to a build up of contempt. According to the Gottman Institute, contempt is one of the "four horsemen" that can predict the end of a relationship. In order to prevent this, wives can treat their husbands with kindness.
Even if he upsets her, a wife should express herself without resorting to insults or petty comments. Keeping a very basic level of respect can prevent husbands from drifting away.
2. Offering support during difficult times
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Having a supportive spouse can make all the difference in a marriage. When one partner is going through a tough time, having a grounding and supportive wife can help a husband heal and move forward. But a husband should never have to beg his wife for a shoulder to cry on or to provide basic emotional support.
According to a study published in Current Opinion in Psychiatry, having a supportive relationship can protect a person's health, improve their mental health, and have a positive long-term effect on married couples as they actively engage in healthy behaviors. But some partners may withhold support as a result of lingering tensions due to past mistakes.
If a marriage has gotten to the point of being unable to be supportive, let alone civil, it's important for couples to seek help or discuss their grievances. No husband, or partner, should ever feel unsupported, so getting to the bottom of why a wife is refusing to provide that emotional care will strengthen the relationship once both needs are finally met.
3. Showing appreciation
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There are plenty of things husbands do for their wives that go unnoticed. From getting up early to take care of chores, pumping gas, or cooking dinner before their wife arrives home, good husbands do their best to ensure their wife's needs are tended to.
However, one of the things a husband should never have to beg his wife for is showing him appreciation. Of course, thanking him every time he does the dishes is a bit much, as this chore is the bare minimum of shared responsibilities in the home. But expressing gratitude verbally or with some kind of gift or reward is a great thing every so often.
According to research presented by Harvard Health Publishing, showing gratitude is strongly associated with greater happiness. So, the next time a wife notices her husband's desire for appreciation, it takes no effort to offer it. Whether it's by saying thank you, cooking his favorite meal, or giving him a loving hug, a husband can feel seen in his marriage.
4. Open and honest communication
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Having honest communication is a cornerstone for healthy relationships, where both partners can authentically voice their concerns without the other person getting defensive or feeling like they need to walk on eggshells. Sitting down with a partner can build trust and connection, but unfortunately, sometimes one partner doesn't meet those expectations.
Sometimes, a partner can feel like they aren't being heard or that they're being stonewalled. But being able to hear one another is something no partner should have to beg for. And according to a study published in Frontiers in Psychology, couples that respond constructively in conversation experience greater relationship satisfaction.
Knowing this, wives should push their fears aside and sit down to discuss the important issues with their husbands. It won't be easy, but open communication not only meets a husband's needs but strengthens a marriage, leading to a healthier bond.
5. Being understanding
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Everyone wants to feel understood, whether it's with family members, a boss, or especially in a relationship. From a young age, people form community and understanding in the form of parents, extended family members, friends, and then partners later in life.
Knowing this, a husband should never have to beg his wife for understanding and compassion. For a wife unwilling to give empathy and a listening ear, her husband feels misunderstood and isolated by her actions. And as a result of this loneliness, he's at a greater risk of depression, poor sleep, impaired function and cognitive decline, according to research from Philosophical Transactions of the Royal Society A.
So, even if a wife can't completely 100% understand her husband, she can try meeting him halfway. Reaffirm how he feels and say that regardless of what happens she will stand by his side.
6. Quality time
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It's easy to get caught up in a busy life, with work, chores, and taking care of children and pets. But spending quality time together in a marriage is essential to keep things positive and geared towards growth.
A husband should never have to beg his wife for quality time, whether it's volunteering, taking a walk in nature, or playing a board game, doing all these things together improves connection.
Unfortunately, when wives don't give their husbands that quality time, it can quickly sour the relationship. According to the Gottman Institute, couples who spend six hours together per week foster and maintain a better connection.
Spending quality time together means not discussing bills or responsibilities; it simply means being present with one another. And just a few hours per week can make all the difference.
7. Involvement in family life
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Many people say that when you marry someone, you essentially "marry" their family as well. And it's true up to a point. While you don't need to spend every waking moment with a partner's family, there will be times where you should.
For wives, specifically, marrying someone means putting up with their partner's family, whether it's dealing with drama, uncomfortable moments, or unsolicited advice. Though it can be unpleasant and may require boundaries, not wanting to ever interact with a partner's family can damage a relationship.
Husbands want to see their wives with their families, whether it's on holidays or just Sunday dinners. They want to be involved and have a functioning relationship and, as a result, wives should do their utmost to respect their husband's needs in this way.
8. Sharing responsibilities
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After working all day, it can be frustrating to go home and have to cook or clean. That's why sharing responsibilities is one of the things a husband should never have to beg his wife for. If only one person is carrying all the responsibilities — cleaning, cooking, taking care of kids, and paying bills — they will easily become burnt out.
Research from Pew Research Center found that 59% of women say they do more household chores than their partner, with 34% of men saying their partner does more. Over time, this unequal division of labor can create resentment and an increasing mental load.
There are ways married couples can work through this and share responsibilities. Sitting down to talk about it is the first step.
9. Respecting boundaries
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It should go without saying that having boundaries is crucial in any relationship, whether it's professional, familial, or romantic. Boundaries let other people know what you will and won't accept, and how you expect them to treat you.
As such, a husband should never have to beg his wife to respect the clear boundaries he's set. Whether it's needing time to cool down after an argument, not wanting any yelling during discussions, or not expressing physical affection in public, it's essential to the overall prosperity of the relationship.
Unfortunately, very rarely do couples sit down and have these conversations. With this in mind, husbands and wives should ensure they're asking each other about their respective boundaries. Additionally, wives should be realistic and speak up if respecting a certain boundary makes them uncomfortable or is more complex.
10. Showing interest in his daily life
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Whether it's a bad day at work, being excited about a promotion, or simply wanting to express how he feels, a wife should implore her husband to talk about his day, the good and the bad. And she should expect the same in return.
Sharing information about their day is a way that husbands can connect with their wives. Because a husband cares for his wife, he wants to hear about her day too, catching up on what they may have missed in the hustle and bustle of the day. But sometimes, wives can get caught up in their own experiences that they neglect their husbands'.
As such, husbands may feel left out and unseen. So, while discussing the day, wives should take a few moments to acknowledge the way their husbands feel. It gives them a chance to strengthen their relationship and offer support.
11. A willingness to compromise
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Marriages are all about compromise, and it's one of the things a husband should never have to beg his wife for. During a heated discussion where a husband and wife each want to have it their way, it can be hard to put aside their egos and find a common ground. Refusing to can quickly cause their marriage to crumble.
This doesn't mean wives should abandon their needs and give into their husbands' every demand; rather, they should discuss their thoughts honestly and find ways to make both people happy. Both parties must understand that sacrifice is a part of a healthy relationship, and compromise can make the connection stronger.
In fact, according to psychotherapist Lissy Abrahams, "Compromise is healthy and essential in romantic relationships. It helps maintain balance, fosters mutual respect, and improves how you communicate with each other. However, compromising should not lead to loss of self-identity or constant self-sacrifice of one partner."
Marielisa Reyes is a writer with a bachelor's degree in psychology who covers self-help, relationships, career, family, and astrology topics.