11 Signs Of A Wife Who Is Settling For Comfort Instead Of True Love
Without true love to carry you through, getting past rocky moments can be extremely difficult.
Josep Suria / Shutterstock When a couple gets married, it's supposed to be the start of happily ever after. Of course, marriage isn't always the easiest thing out there. From petty disagreements to feeling unappreciated, there are plenty of tough moments that couples need to work through. But in the end, the happiest couples truly feel as if they married the love of their lives, in sickness and in health, for better or for worse.
Unfortunately, a wife who is settling for comfort instead of true love might beg to differ. No longer feeling content, these women have difficult decisions to make. Should they stay, or should they go? Are they really unhappy, or is this a difficult step in an otherwise bright road? While unpacking these emotions isn't easy, there are ways to tell whether someone truly married for love or not.
These are 11 signs of a wife who is settling for comfort instead of true love
1. There's no passion in the marriage
fizkes | Shutterstock
One of the most telling signs of a wife who is settling for comfort instead of true love is if there's no passion.Lighting up and getting excited when your husband enters the room is a sign of a healthy marriage, whereas a lack of passion and caring when talking to your husband can quickly cause an already bleak marriage to worsen.
Though passion rises and fades in a relationship, no longer having any passion in a marriage isn't a good sign that the relationship is doing well. According to social psychologist Theresa E. DiDonato Ph.D., passion is a strong predictor of overall relationship satisfaction.
Despite this fact, wives who settle for comfort instead of true love may not care if there is or isn't any passion. As long as things remain stable in other ways, then for them, that may be more than enough to compensate.
2. Avoiding difficult conversations
Dikushin Dmitry | Shutterstock
There are many difficult conversations that can't be avoided in a marriage, despite how uncomfortable they may be. Yet, a sign of a wife who is settling for comfort instead of true love is that she avoids difficult conversations completely.
Wives who don't feel true love with their partner don't feel the need to be vulnerable. As a result of not wanting to deepen intimacy or emotional connection, these wives may brush off these serious conversations and tell her husband to do whatever he wants.
This nonchalant approach will only get them so far. After all, even a marriage born out of comfort needs communication in order to stay alive. Communication is arguably the building block of any relationship, and without it, even marriages can quickly come to an end. Communication allows people to voice their needs and what they're experiencing.
So, while ignoring the issue might seem easier, wives should be careful of avoiding these tough conversations for too long. Otherwise, their marriage might just come to a rocky end.
3. Not involving her partner in future plans
PeopleImages.com - Yuri A | Shutterstock
A wife who is truly in love with her partner will constantly be looking for ways to include them in her life. From family plans to upcoming concerts, every step of the journey will be a joint decision. On the flip side, a sign of a wife who is settling for comfort instead of true love is if she doesn't involve her partner in her future plans anymore.
She might start to avoid certain milestones, from planning a family to going on a vacation together, because it simply isn't important enough to have a conversation about right now. Yet, constantly repeating this sentiment is only reinforcing the idea that they're no longer interested in thinking about the past, present, or future with their partner, showcasing that they already might be checked out of the relationship.
As psychiatrist Barton Goldsmith, Ph.D., explained, "One thing that successful relationships all have in common is that the couples in them make plans for the future, both near and long term."
So, if a wife is still interested in keeping the marriage intact, it might be wise to sit down, plan, and have these important conversations. Because if not, then their marriage might unfortunately be slowly coming to an end.
4. There's no deep connection in the marriage
Prostock-studio | Shutterstock
A wife being able to have a deep and emotional connection with their partner is something that better helps to create a healthier marriage. But, her lack of digging deep is just another sign of a wife who is settling for comfort instead of true love. Her lack of connection can show up in many different ways.
From refusing to express herself to avoiding any conversation that requires too much thought, her avoidance of emotional intimacy should be very concerning. Marriages need a deep emotional connection to thrive.
According to psychologist Jeffrey Bernstein Ph.D., "Couples who understand each other on an emotional level tend to be more resilient during tough times and less likely to fall into the trap of constant conflict."
Even so, a wife who is not into her partner doesn't truly care if her marriage is thriving or not. As long as there's no obvious friction happening on a daily basis, expect her to remain content with chitchat and random conversations that, in the long run, won't have much significant meaning.
5. Not giving her husband her attention
StratfordProductions | Shutterstock
There's probably no greater feeling than spending one-on-one time with your partner. After spending the entire week busy with work, chatting for hours on end can strengthen a relationship like never before. Even so, a wife who is settling for comfort instead of true love isn't keen to pay her partner any mind.
No longer viewing her partner as a love interest, she would much rather spend her time scrolling on her phone or finding other ways to de-stress after a long day. Whether this is because her partner hasn't been making an effort to spark that reconnection or simply because she's grown tired of her marriage, one thing is for certain: not paying attention is a form of rejection.
From the outside, rejection might not feel seem a huge deal. After all, couples who are deeply in love unintentionally reject one another without meaning to at times. Regardless, this doesn't stop the impact that rejection has on people emotionally.
According to the American Psychological Association, feeling rejected tends to increase increases anger, anxiety, depression, jealousy, and sadness. So, even if a wife no longer feels true love with her partner, she should do her best to at least acknowledge him.
6. Constantly looking for distractions by overworking herself
PBXStudio | Pexels
Another sign of a wife who is settling for comfort instead of true love is if she's looking for distractions by overworking herself. Most wives who settle for comfort aren't all that happy. Sure, they might have an okay husband, a nice house, and great kids, but there's no love in her marriage, leading to feeling unfulfilled. As a result, these wives will work all day to fill the void inside themselves. Unfortunately for them, this will never work.
Though these wives may try to deny it, human beings are social creatures and, as a result, need socialization to thrive. Despite this fact, wives who stay in marriages that don't make them happy unknowingly rob themselves of their basic needs.
Feeling unconnected to their partner can lead to isolation. According to the American Psychological Association, social isolation or isolation, in general, can lead to depression, poor quality sleep, and cognitive decline. So, if a wife is truly unhappy in her marriage, it's best to either seek help or call it quits. Always remember that mental health comes first.
7. She never gets jealous or protective
Srdjan Randjelovic | Shutterstock
At first, this might sound like a good thing. After all, who wants a jealous and overprotective wife, right? But believe it or not, a sign of a wife who is settling for comfort instead of true love is if she never gets jealous or protective of her partner.
Jealousy is a sign of interest. When someone truly loves someone, it's normal to feel jealous or protective if they see them interacting with the sex they're attracted to. In the back of their head, they know that they can trust their partner. However, they just can't stop those ugly feelings from rising, and they don't want to lose them.
Social science researcher and educator Karla McLaren, M.Ed., also added that "Jealousy can help us identify, choose, and sustain our intimate relationships." It can help people address their insecurities and find better ways to heal them.
Yet, if their wive isn't jealous? Though she might feel comfortable in her marriage and in her partner, most wives who don't feel even an ounce of jealousy likely aren't experiencing true love with their partner. According to a study published in Current Research in Social Psychology, jealousy is associated with greater love for one's partner.
8. She actively seeks attention from others
Antonio Guillem | Shutterstock
A huge sign that a wife is settling for comfort instead of true love is if she actively seeks attention from others. When a person truly feels fulfilled in a marriage, there's no need for another partner or any distractions. In their eyes, their partner is more than good enough to keep them happy and satisfied.
Unfortunately, a wife who is settling isn't likely to be truly content with her life. Feeling as if their partner isn't providing them with enough support, these wives will, more often than not, flirt or even get into an emotional affair with someone else.
According to social psychologist Theresa E. DiDonato Ph.D., the reason why this happens is that they're unhappy, they see their partner as disengaged, they want revenge, they're bored, they want validation, or they know their relationship is going to end.
However, even if a wife isn't cheating, this doesn't mean that she isn't actively seeking attention elsewhere. Whether they're spending too much time with friends or other loved ones, a wife who is completely checked out will make time for everyone else but her partner, leading to strain in her marriage.
9. She isn't excited about spending time with her partner
Ground Picture | Shutterstock
Ask any couple who's in love what they want to do when they get home and most of them will probably answer with some form of, "I want to spend time with my partner." Sure, it might sound 'clingy,' but a couple who's truly in love with one another will almost always get excited about the prospect of spending time with each other.
Whether this means having to suck it up and watch shows such as Bridgerton or another football game, it doesn't matter, couples are excited regardless of how they spend their time with each other.
That being said, a sign of a wife who is settling for comfort instead of true love is if she isn't excited about spending time with her partner. No longer feeling true love, a wife might roll her eyes or scoff at the prospect of watching TV or going out on dates. In her mind, she's completely over her partner and doesn't want to be near them unless necessary.
So, if she doesn't seem all that into hanging out or worse, doesn't sleep in the same bedroom anymore, this could be sign that true love between the two of you no longer exists, or perhaps never did.
10. She feels stuck or numb
CrizzyStudio | Shutterstock
When a wife is in love, there's a glow about her that's hard to miss. From the way her eyes light up to the way she smiles around her partner, a wife who's truly in love with her partner has a contagious joy. On the flip side, a wife who is settling for comfort instead of true love no longer feels the same way she once did.
Regardless of whose fault it is, this doesn't change the fact that deep within herself there's this feeling of numbness she can't seem to get rid of. Even if her partner goes all out and gets her flowers or takes her to a nice dinner, this feeling of not feeling happy doesn't go away — no matter how hard he tries.
During moments like these, it's all too easy to throw in the towel and call it quits. After all, it's clear that true love no longer exists between the two of them. Still, if a wife is willing to, working through these tough emotions with their partner or in therapy might be a good idea. Even if the end result is their marriage ending, at the very least, they'll have more clarity and closure.
11. She daydreams about a different life
Kinga | Shutterstock
Finally, the last sign of a wife who is settling for comfort instead of true love is if she's constantly imagining a different life. There's nothing wrong with wanting better things in life. However, constantly daydreaming about living it big without their partner is a huge glaring sign that they aren't experiencing true love.
Not including their partner in their dreams is already a bad sign. When couples are happy and in love, most of them will unconsciously think about their partner throughout the day and imagine them and their partner doing what they usually do, whether that be watching TV or playing video games together.
On the flip side, a wife who's tuned out of her relationship doesn't see herself with her partner and instead imagines a different life where she isn't a wife. Maybe she's traveling the world, or maybe she imagines herself married to someone else.
Regardless, if someone wants to know if they are truly in it for comfort rather than true love, then they should ask themselves this: when they daydream, is their partner even included? If not, then this might be a sign the relationship is coming to a close.
Marielisa Reyes is a writer with a bachelor's degree in psychology who covers self-help, relationships, career, family, and astrology topics.
