11 Signs Of A Husband Who Is Settling For Comfort Instead Of True Love
If a husband is becoming emotionally detached, he may be choosing comfort over passion.
LightField Studios | Shutterstock There are definite signs that a husband is just settling in his marriage instead of choosing love. Marriage is something that should be filled with constant passion and love, but over time, that spark can sometimes dim a little. While that's perfectly normal, the correct response would be to make sure both partners are actively working to reignite that connection and pour more love back into the bond. However, when one partner begins to settle, the indicators can be quite obvious.
If you've noticed that he's becoming detached and indifferent, it could one of the detrimental signs of a husband who is settling for comfort instead of true love. He's starting to prioritize the comfortability of his marriage instead of the emotional depth that love requires. If that's the case, it might be time to address the emotional distance so you can both come to a solution that allows for the marriage to thrive once more.
Here are 11 signs of a husband who is settling for comfort instead of true love
1. There's a lack of a deep connection in the relationship
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A husband being able to have a deep and emotional connection with his wife is something that creates a healthy marriage and partnership. His lack of that connection can show up in a multitude of ways, including him no longer sharing his thoughts and feelings and conversations lacking any depth or substance.
By doing this, his wife will slowly start to feel disconnected from her husband and be left wondering if he truly values her presence in his life. Unfortunately, it stands as one of the very obvious signs of a husband who is settling for comfort instead of true love.
"Emotional intimacy is the cornerstone of a strong, lasting relationship. It fosters a deep connection that transcends physical attraction, allowing couples to navigate challenges together with empathy, trust, and mutual respect," explained psychologist Cara Gardenswartz, PhD.
"By prioritizing emotional closeness through open communication, shared experiences, and affection, couples can build a resilient bond that not only enhances their relationship but also contributes to their overall well-being."
2. He doesn't seem genuinely excited about his partner
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Having genuine excitement for your partner and their endeavors goes far beyond simply going with the flow and being physically present. A husband with genuine excitement shows actual enthusiasm about spending time and doing activities with his wife. Refusing to do so shows that he no longer has interest in investing emotionally in the relationship.
"Some couples manage to maintain a reasonable level of excitement in their marriages. These are the happy couples we all aspire to emulate. Other couples let their marriages devolve into a vicious cycle of nastiness full of anger and bitterness. These are the couples that usually seek counseling, often only after it's far too late to save their marriages," psychologist David Ludden, PhD pointed out.
Without genuine excitement in a relationship, it's easy for things to slip into complacency, and before you know it, that spark has vanished altogether.
3. He has no desire to resolve conflicts
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Disagreements, arguments, and other points of tension are all normal things that crop up in a relationship. What's important is being willing to tackle them so that resentment doesn't build up the more you try to sweep it under the rug. But a husband's unwillingness to address and resolve conflict shows that he's no longer concerned about the longevity of the relationship.
According to psychologist Mark Travers, PhD, "It's not the fighting that damages relationships — it's how couples choose to handle their disagreements. Healthy conflict can bring partners closer by opening the door to deep, meaningful conversations about wants and needs, which can then lead to problem-solving."
When conflict resolution on longer matters, it's a sign of a deeper issue in a marriage that, if not addressed, can have detrimental effects.
4. He rarely compliments or appreciates his spouse
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When a husband stops giving compliments and appreciating all that his spouse does for him, it can indicate that he's fallen into a hole of comfortability and no longer feels the need to actively express his love. This lack of recognition can only end up being draining for his wife, who may start to feel invisible and that her husband doesn't think she's worthy anymore of being appreciated.
"Appreciation is the first agenda topic. Each partner takes an uninterrupted turn telling the other what he or she valued about the other during the past week. Doing this sets a positive tone for collaborative discussion of the remaining agenda topics: chores (tasks, business, etc.); planning good times; and problems and challenges," explained marriage expert Marcia Naomi Berger, MSW, LCSW.
5. He rarely has deep conversations
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Being able to have deep and meaningful conversations with your spouse is something that can keep a marriage feeling alive and vibrant. Research, including a study from the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, has even shown that deep conversations feel less awkward and lead to more connectedness and happiness than most people predict.
These conversations can nurture emotional intimacy and bring people closer together, but as a couple drifts, they can happen less and less. It can be a sign that he's no longer invested in fostering a close relationship with his wife. Over time, that neglect of deep conversations means that the emotional connection will slowly begin to fade until it simply doesn't exist at all.
6. He doesn't make future plans that include his spouse
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One of the most telling signs of a husband who is settling for comfort instead of true love is his unwillingness to carve out a future for his wife. He might start to avoid certain milestones, future life events, or even something as simple as a vacation that they might want to take together. All of those things indicate that he's simply no longer thinking about anything past the present, which could mean that he's already checked out.
"Planning for the future with your partner is not hard at all, once you begin. You might start by picturing yourselves living together well into your golden years and talk about what life will be like for the two of you. Sometimes you can see your own future by just looking out your front door," licensed psychotherapist Barton Goldsmith, PhD said.
7. He's indifferent about special occasions
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In marriage, a husband should be enthusiastic about any special occasion, whether it's your birthday, an anniversary, or you've just reached a milestone that you've been excited about for some time. He should want to take you out and celebrate any goal that's been reached because of how much he loves and supports you.
If he's suddenly become completely indifferent about special occasions, it could mean that he's become complacent in the relationship. Over time, his wife will start to feel as if her husband simply doesn't care enough to acknowledge or make her feel special on those important days.
8. He rarely asks about his partner's feelings
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A husband who is emotionally invested in his wife's well-being will always want to know how she's feeling. He'll constantly be checking in on her and making sure that if there are any issues, he's quick to resolve them so that they don't continue to pile up and make things worse. These conversations are able to create an emotional space where both people can feel heard in their marriage.
However, if he rarely asks about his wife's feelings, it's one of the signs of a husband who is settling for comfort instead of true love. His partner is either not on his mind or he's just refusing to acknowledge them at all.
Either way, this will only continue to cause a rift between him and his wife as she starts to wonder whether he actually cares or not.
9. He spends more time away from home
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If he's spending a lot of time away from home, this could be a huge indicator that a husband would rather settle for comfort over true love with his wife. A husband who feels fulfilled and passionate about his marriage will want to come straight home after a long day so he can spend quality time with his wife. He won't sit extra long in his car or drive around the block a few times just to avoid having to come inside.
While time apart can be beneficial for couples, according to psychology researcher Alice Boyes, PhD, if a husband is going out of his way to spend time away from his spouse, he's seeking a distraction. This pattern means he's already emotionally checked out, which can be detrimental to a marriage, especially if he's not willing to work on his emotions and address the problem.
10. He imagines a different life
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If a husband is constantly daydreaming about what it would be like to either be in a relationship with someone else or just to be alone, that might be a sign that he's no longer invested in the marriage anymore. A loving husband would never want to imagine a different life with anyone else because he's getting everything he needs from the person he's actually with.
By doing this, his wife may start to feel as if she's no longer enough. She'll start to feel as if he doesn't value or appreciate the life they've managed to build together.
11. He's more like a roommate than a husband
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One of the most detrimental signs of a husband who is settling for comfort instead of true love is when his spouse feels like a roommate to him, not a partner.
According to life and relationship coach Tasha Seiter, PhD, LMFT, this can be a result of emotional withdrawal. "Being stuck in a withdraw/withdraw pattern in a relationship leaves both partners feeling lonely. Without intentional change, these couples tend to become more distant over time, because the more alone that partners feel, the more they will withdraw into themselves and away from the relationship," Seiter revealed.
While it's natural for passion to ebb and flow, it shouldn't ever come to a point where you start to feel as if you're living with a stranger versus your significant other whom you love and cherish.
When this starts to happen, a man's wife will only end up feeling lonely and unappreciated because her husband has stopped doing the things that a spouse would do to make sure the other person never feels as if they're being taken for granted. If left unaddressed, it can only lead to more turmoil and tension.
Nia Tipton is a staff writer with a bachelor's degree in creative writing and journalism who covers news and lifestyle topics that focus on psychology, relationships, and the human experience.