Men Over 40 Who Will Never Commit Usually Display These 9 Annoying Traits
Heed the red flags.
Andrea Piacquadio | Canva Are there problems with dating men over 40? Sometimes, but it’s not about his age. The simple fact of being over 40 and still single isn’t something to worry about. The average age for marriage in the US is steadily creeping up (29 for men and 28 for women in the US.)
Some people take longer to feel ready for marriage and family than others. Maybe he’s been career-focused or building a business. However, if you have concerns about men over 40, here are nine red flags that let you know you’re dating a man who might not be ready for a relationship.
Men over 40 who will never commit display these 9 annoying traits:
1.He asks you out inconsistently
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A man over 40 who is serious about relationships makes time to see you regularly. Sporadic dates signal he’s keeping things casual.
Every couple of weeks, this guy asks you out. You always have a great time, and he does, too. The truth is, not knowing when you’ll see him next adds to the excitement ... right?
So you are patient and hope things will pick up as time passes.
A man over 40 who doesn’t ask you out regularly (at least once a week) prefers being casual. He doesn’t want more or anything serious.
Remember, when a man is ready for a lasting relationship, he wants to see you frequently and finds a way — no matter how busy he is. He wants to get to know you to discover if you’re the one for him.
2.He’s never been in love before
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If he admits he’s never been in love, it’s a red flag. Emotional unavailability or past issues may prevent him from committing now.
This man seems like such a great catch. He might be handsome, have a hot career, and appear confident as if he has his act together.
So, how is it possible that he’s never been in love? Yet, here he is, smiling while giving you an honest warning about himself. Something is off for him emotionally, or he would have found love at least once by age 40.
When you get to the bottom of this, he’s letting you know he won’t love you either. Steer clear of this guy because you won’t be the one to heal him.
Although this could be a red flag regarding commitment, it's not a definitive indicator that he will never commit. Research published in a 2011 study highlights the complexity of individual experiences and potential underlying reasons for this statement.
Factors like past relationship trauma, fear of commitment, or simply not having met the right person could be at play, and further exploration is needed to understand his motivations fully.
3.He avoids introducing you to his friends
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If a guy you see is genuinely interested, he introduces you to friends after two or three months. He’s excited for them to meet you and wants to show you off.
He may not want to deepen the relationship if you haven’t met his friends after a few months. This shows a lack of long-term intent.
This is an essential benchmark since you’ll learn more about him when you meet the people he hangs around with.
So, if you haven’t met his friends, be very suspicious. This clearly shows he’s not ready to let you two get close. That’s why he keeps you a secret.
Don't believe him even if he says it’s more romantic this way. If you don’t meet any of his friends in 10 weeks, gently ask him why. He’ll either introduce you or give you a bunch of excuses, which will tell you he’s not as into you as you thought.
4.His career always comes first
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Men, too consumed by work, often neglect relationships. If you’re never his priority, don’t wait for him to change — it’s unlikely.
This man is deeply wrapped up in his job, which causes him to cancel or reschedule frequently. Maybe his boss is a problem, or he has a series of huge projects that require his full attention. You might think you should be patient and wait quietly for him to finish. That’s the polite thing to do.
Trouble is — there will always be another reason he doesn’t have time for you. He’s letting you know that you’ll never be his priority.
No matter how long you wait, how many times you bring this up, or how many promises he makes to change — this is who he is. If you can’t handle not being his primary focus or you constantly want more, get out while you can.
Men who are heavily focused on their careers to the point of neglecting other aspects of life, including relationships, may be highly likely to have commitment issues.
A 2020 report published by the Pew Research Center found that these issues could stem from a fear of compromise, prioritizing professional validation over personal connection, or a lack of emotional availability due to work demands. These issues can make it difficult for men to invest in a committed relationship fully.
5.He’s overly attentive before the first date
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Some men seem totally into you before you even meet. He texts you during the day or calls every night leading up to your first date. While it appears ideal, it could be a huge red flag.
Excessive texting or calling before a meeting might seem sweet but could signal he’s manipulative or likely to ghost after getting what he wants.
Some men do this to seduce you, building trust so you feel like you know him. When you meet, you’re likelier to throw caution to the wind in the heat of passion on your date. Unfortunately, his attention trails off afterward, or he’ll suddenly become a ghost.
I recommend not sleeping with a man on the first date if you’ll be heartbroken when he doesn’t call the next day…or ever again.
It's better to get to know the man you’re dating to see if he’s for real or wants to hop in the sack.
6.He only calls you when he’s out
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If he avoids calling from home, it could mean he’s hiding something—like a wife or live-in partner. Don’t ignore this red flag.
This guy is super busy, so he calls when he has a spare moment. Often he’s out and about or at work, but never calling from home. Regardless of what he says or how much attention he showers you with, if he’s never at home when he picks up the phone, that’s a big red flag.
Sorry to say he’s probably cheating on his wife or live-in girlfriend.
Don’t disregard this tell-tale sign about a potential cheater, make excuses for him, or overlook this critical issue.
A man who is ready for a lasting relationship has nothing to hide.
This behavior can be interpreted as a red flag, indicating a pattern of avoidance or lack of prioritization of connection, which could be linked to commitment issues in a relationship.
Research published by the Cambridge University Press concluded that consistently ignoring calls could signify a lack of respect for the other person's time and needs, translating to a reluctance to be fully present in a relationship.
7.He won’t introduce you to his kids
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When his adult kids remain off-limits, it signals he’s not serious about integrating you into his life.
You think, “Finally, this could be the one.” But you still haven’t met his adult children. With young children, you can understand if it takes six months for an introduction. But what’s the story with his kids? They’re grownups!
He claims there's still a lot of drama with his ex, or they’re sensitive about you for some reason. Don’t believe it.
This man may be committed to you, but he demonstrates that he plans to separate your lives. This is not the behavior of a man who wants a full-fledged partner.
If you want the whole enchilada, he is not the guy.
8.He always leaves right after staying over
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You found a great guy who has so many of the qualities you dreamed of. The only thing starting to bug you is that he leaves first thing in the morning when he stays at your place. Even on the weekends, there’s no lingering with coffee or going out to breakfast.
The same is true at his place. He always finds a way to discourage you from sticking around. He has something pressing to do or other plans.
If he rushes off in the morning or avoids weekend plans, it’s a sign he’s not interested in building a deeper connection.
This is not how a man who wants to settle down acts, so take note and move on.
Research on relationship dynamics, attachment styles, and early relationship behaviors can explain why this action might be interpreted as a red flag, particularly when considering the potential underlying motivations and communication patterns.
An article published by the University of California Berkeley's Greater Good Magazine suggests that initial interactions and relationship behaviors can predict future commitment levels.
Leaving early in the morning signifies prioritizing personal space over building a deeper connection, especially if it becomes a consistent pattern.
9.He talks bad about his exes
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Speaking poorly about past partners suggests unresolved anger and a lack of respect for women — including you. So, when a man speaks poorly about other women, pay attention.
Regardless of what happened in his marriage or last relationship, if your new guy is demeaning the women in his life, that is not a good sign. He should know by 40 that this is in poor taste.
This guy is giving you a peek under the tent that he’ll never learn to respect women, including you. Don’t let this slide or give him a pass because he’s been done wrong by his ex. That anger will likely turn on you at some point.
If you want lasting love, hold out for the right man! Your great guy may have a significant flaw if you see any of these nine warning signs.
Don’t ignore red flags when you see them as this can lead to heartbreak and wasted time. Life is short — go for the good guy.
Let go of Mr. Wrong and move on to find a man who will include you in his life and appreciate what a great catch you are.
Ronnie Ann Ryan is an Intuitive Coach, Past Life Reader, and author of six books. She’s the creator of the free audio course How to Ask the Universe for a Sign and Get an Answer Within 24 Hours. She's been published on ABC, BBC, and NPR.